So I've not been on EC in like a week, but I've been looking here and there at posts from you guys, because I'm invested in what you're all going through. I have general stuff I feel like sharing but can you bear with me through a quick parenting vent to start off??? *VENT BEGIN* My daughter, I love her so so very much. She makes my heart feel fuller than it seems possible, but in the space of a day she can make my heart swell to bursting and then turn the whole day around with her crankiness. Imagine Archie Bunker miming behind Edith, getting the noose ready, throwing it around his neck, etc. - that's me. O M G. It's a phase, it's her age, it's whatever. It will pass. But..... !!!!!! Thank god for cafes, I don't know what I would do if I couldn't get the f* out of that house and sit on my own for a bit, just pretending for a minute I'm just me, and not mom. *VENT END* Ok, so anyway...we were away in Amsterdam. Guys, this city is so gay. I love it so much. If you're thinking of traveling somewhere, it's such an lgbt friendly place. I have always wanted to travel there anyway for various reasons, such a beautiful city. But it was cool to see how visibly and publicly lgbt-friendly it is. I am getting closer to making a date with the woman I've been chatting with. :icon_bigg I told her I'd get back to her once I got home. I just needed to do a bunch of organising and errands and to feel a little more relaxed before I do. I operate best when I'm relaxed. Being away was cool, and I had fun but the last 2 weeks (prior to traveling plus traveling) have also been stressful. Normal, honestly, but stressful. The stress was more notable though after having been away on my own for a couple of weeks (I went back to my hometown on my own for 2 weeks). I don't know if I'm doing this mom thing all wrong, but honestly, I feel like blowing my brains out all the time (figuratively obviously). There's so little time to feel like me or think about me in much of daily life. I suppose it's just what parenting is. I don't know. It made me think a little about how I've gotten to where I am right now. I have a feeling that I would have eventually come out of the closet, or come into myself, at some point in my life no matter what. But I think in my particular situation, in my life, coming out was triggered much in part because of the feeling of losing me so completely by that point. I think I have often kind of lost myself, lost sight of me, in various times in my life, for various reasons. Sometimes I just put myself last or built up some sense of what was expected of me, and that left little chance to think of myself. But being a mom really created a situation where thinking of me was almost impossible. It wasn't helpful that I didn't feel supported by my husband in many ways. I think that really pushed everything up to the surface. I got to the point of thinking - f* all this f*ing noise. I want to be me. I have value, I have worth, my feelings and my needs matter. I suppose that is all part of my journey. It has set in motion a whole bunch of changes in my life, and I'm so glad I finally reached that boiling point, because these changes are starting to feel positive and right and good. Anyway, talking about all of this is coming out of my stress and frustration of feeling a bit exhausted as a parent lately. It's just brought some of these thoughts to the surface. Does anyone relate?
I can absolutely relate! My stepdaughter, who is 22 now, gave us many trying days in her early teen years. The stress, the drama. I can relate. The good news is that it gets better. She's now an adult, out on her own, and things are better. Teen years, ughh. You sound like you are handling it even better than I did. Sounds like things are moving along well for you. And Amsterdam sounds wonderful. I've never been to Europe but would love to at some point. Hugs and best wishes for continued success....
I can completely relate, especially when you say there have been times where you've felt you'd lost sight of who you were. I feel like that at this point in my life. I am a stay at home mom and have been looking for work for a long time. I do all the cooking, cleaning etc My husband is not understanding and has been very cold with me. I'm not sure when will be able to get out of this relationship or when I will be able to find myself again. When you said "I want to be me. I have worth, I have value, my feelings and my needs matter." This is what hit me. It's taken me many years to realize that, but it's hard for me to believe it in the situation I am in. Lately I barely have time to read a book or concentrate on something I want to do. I realize that life is all about balance, but it's definitely easier said than done.
Oh teenage years- so much to look forward to (eek!). My little one is just 3, haha I've got a long way to go! But your comments do remind me, this too shall pass And thanks for saying I'm handling it well, I question that sometimes. Travelling through Europe is easier when you live in the UK. My thoughts - if you make a trip to Eirope, plan to travel around to several countries, make a few weeks of it. There's so much you don't want to miss!
Tiny owl- so many big hugs. I understand your struggles! I'm it sounds like there are so many overlapping areas where you feel like you've lost yourself. I felt the same for a long time. I still have some stress and exhaustion, but the more I push for things to better the more it does. My husband has been much better for some time now. Im feeling more positive and in touch with me. But being a mom makes it a juggling act. Super big hugs to you.(*hug*) I hope you find your path to better fulfilment. I'm not there yet, but I'm definitely feeling more positive. ---------- Post added 16th May 2016 at 08:05 AM ---------- (*hug*)
Preschoolers are hard! My daughter just turned 4... We have good moments, but man! Sometimes they are few and far between.
Every once in a while I have to work with a three year old, which is only like maybe 40 min at a time once per week, and it's like, oh dear God, how is their caregiver doing this all day every day?! There were things that I thought were developmentally out of whack with this one kid, and the pediatrician was all like,"No, they are just like that. Three is worse than two despite the rumors." So.... Yeah, soundsd like you're doing a great job being a mom, and three year old kids are just, like, really difficult. Old enough to accidentally kill themselves, not at all old enough to know about that.
I feel your pain! When does it get better??? ---------- Post added 17th May 2016 at 12:29 AM ---------- Haha your last comment is so true - little walking accidents. Thank you for saying I'm doing s good job, it's hard to feel that way. I can answer how parents do it - wine, chocolate, selective amnesia, etc
I've heard it gets better around 5, until 10 or whenever teen stuff starts, but my older one has some difficulties with anxiety/depression, so although in many areas is easier, we still struggle a bit.
ahhh the tyranical 3's been there :icon_wink it will pass and with you being your authetic self i'm sure she'll turn out fine, but you may be grey :roflmao: anyway, just wanted to say hi, and that im glad your moving along in your journey.
Ah, 5 years of peace will be lovely looking forward to that. How old is your older one? It must be hard on you. But you sound like you're doing a great job. Do you survive on wine and chocolate like I do? ---------- Post added 17th May 2016 at 10:02 AM ---------- Thanks looking for me . I'm taking baby steps, it's starting to feel really good. I'm sure I'll be gray really soon, it's all catching up with me fast. Good thing kids are so cute and sweet at least some of the time, I don't think any of us would make it otherwise!
