Wanted to post this last night, one of my very best friends came to see m yesterday. His wife and him divorced recently and we have been a huge amount of time together. I am in love with him. There I said it. When he is here, I hate to admit it, but it's like my wife doesn't exist. She even has said that. He is 6 ft 2 and all man. Honestly, I even dressed a bit femme yesterday, I wore my tightest pair of shorts and a thong with a pretty patterned male shirt. We spent a lot of time inside talking and then he and I went for a walk. I wanted so badly to look up to him and tell him I feel I am a woman, and I will tell him but yesterday was an ulterior motive... I wanted to know him intimately, I wanted him to take me...ok TMI but this has left me SOOOO sexually frustrated horny. I don't know about needing advice here just sounding off. I will see him again next weekend. Honestly, I don't know whether I should. I get near him and I do some really what I would call intimate things. Like we hug when we see each other and yesterday I rubbed his back. He helped me up after I bent down to get a flower and I kind of hung onto his hand longer than necessary, he did give me an odd look. I hugged him when he left. Now we usually don't do that, and I feel I caught him off guard but he didn't stop but this is bad isn't it? I am letting my sexual emotions get tangled up in our friendship. I have always loved him since we were 16 but I thought it was friendship love and it is that but deeper for me, as I said venting here
Oh Boy! I don't know how I would deal with that! I have not been romantically interested in a buddy of mine since I was a kid. This sucks with our societal views on appropriate sexual behavior that you are afraid to ask. If it were a woman, you could. Tossing this out there...you are married and he may be respecting that if he is interested. It still can be fun to flirt a bit though and I don't think there is anything wrong with it. There was a kid (30 isn) guy on a job site that used to request my consultation. Usually not necessary for the scope of his work. But, I would oblige. We would climb ladders and scaffolds and he would be WAY closer than he needed to be. We always shook hands and held a bit. When we reviewed drawings he would reach around me from behind to point something out. This went on for a few months. It was great! I think it is really important to explore our feelings and desires in "safe" venues. Without that, we cannot really hope to understand our sexuality.
thanks Nick. I am treading lightly. But oh do I want to kiss him. I feel if I kissed him and it was like oh shit that's like kissing a sibling I would know some more things about my sexuality (?) if I kissed him and my toes curled, it would be necessary for my wife and I to have a talk quicker. I am not dragging my feet on telling her I just want to be emotionally right to talk with her and arm myself with facts. Can you love two people romantically? Sitting here thinking, I don't ever get "horny" for me with my wife, haven't since huh I don't know when, but with this guy well it's that butterflies in my stomach giddiness. Damn I sound like I am 15, sorry. Thanks for your input Nick it's always appreciated
Woof. Sounds like he's your trigger, babe. As many of the EC'ers will attest, your trigger will be your highest high and your lowest low as you grapple with how to move forward. They are called triggers for several reasons - triggering the feelings inside you which had been dormant for so long and also triggering an explosive chain of events that often lead to both wonderful self-exploration and devastating impact on current relationships. No matter what choice you make, the innate feelings inside you have been stirred. Hold on tight. You're in for a ride.
Some of us can love two people romantically. I have no doubt that I have that ability although I have not yet tested it...maybe never will. Thing is though...Can you be romantically in love without being attracted sexually? I cannot. The other way around...sure. Sexual attraction can trigger a primal response. What I have learned, and it seems so obvious, is that you need to be on the same page with those that you are romantically involved with. I don't think my wife needs the sexual intimacy to feel the romance. So, this is going to take some work for us. Your condition may be the opposite. If your wife needs you to be there sexually, it is going to be really difficult for you to maintain her romantic needs.
Great points Nick, actually my wife doesn't require the sexual intimacy. Now here is the hang in the back of my head which drives me nuts, since we all can agree I am not a heterosexual man...am I so bad at making love to her that is why she can do with out it? Am l limiting her ability for complete satisfaction? I know concentrate on me, but I do lover her and I honestly do feel compelled to think about things like that for her. Emma, You can say that again. I always knew something was there, but in the last say two years as the girls have moved away, I have opened myself up to the feelings about him. Then when he got divorced, you probably know what I mean, I really was like oh my, he is single and well, I am emotionally bonded to him. Shit he smells nice. Yeah we will call him H, H is a big trigger. Thanks for the input Emma, I follow your advice closely. Btw can I have a bit of that margarita you talk about at the end of your posts? LOL Hugs to you both
Man...I have had those thoughts, recently, myself and I am bi. I know I was pretty good with my wife (and a couple other women with oral sex when I was young). But, I have been upping my game a bit lately to see if I can be better with my wife. You can get complacent in a marriage (boring) too and it could just be that. I think I may have lost my "edge". You didn't say how old your wife was or if she is pre/post menopause or on any hormones (you don't need to share). All of that can affect it too. Last night I could tell my wife felt differently (better). I was in the frame of mind that I was a bi-man while seducing and loving my wife...I was really turned on by all of this and she responded. Sex is better when it is not just two people doing their own thing together. A deeper sense of what each is feeling and a deeper connection sure makes a difference.
I agree Nick on all accounts. Problem is, I don't know what my game is. I have tried several things with her especially of late to make me more manly so to speak, and in regards to make sure she is fulfilled totally, but somehow I think she is just yawning in her head and oh if orgasm comes great if not...oh well. That is something I need to explore more. My wife is 41 and is pre menopausal.
So, why are you trying to be more manly? If there is any hope that you stay with your wife in some capacity, maybe you need to look at embracing your sexual feelings and see if there is some transference. There is another thread that I started "bisexual marriage" back about a month. It really evolved into a thread on mixed orientation marriage. I have been re-reading my thoughts and others in the last few days as I get ready for entering into that phase of my marriage.
Nick again great insight. You are absolutely correct. I will see if I can find the thread. I will read it
