Differences between straight and gay dating?

I really don't think there is any significant difference, people are "judgy" about other people, regardless of gender.

There may be an interesting difference between two women dating vs. two guys dating, but I have no basis for comparison. The goal of dating is getting to know the other person, so a successful date, to me, is about learning who that person is, and trying to understand or name your feelings for that person, whether positive or negative. I don't think it is any different in the straight world.

It has been a long time since I have dated women (I could count those times with just two hands), to me, it was often difficult to know if they were interested or not...this has not been the case with the guys I've dated (we are so ridiculously transparent!).

 

Dating a woman
I've found that yes women are less about body shaming they know we all have parts we don't like (women understand better), you kind of build up an emotional bond better with a woman because you talk about stuff more openly with each other, there's still the air of nervousness when showing affection in a public I find because people round you are mostly straight so it's not often seen (unless in a gay bar or gay friendly pub), women tend not to show off as much
Dating a man
I found (years ago since I last dated a man) that the man would usually want to show affection and because its accepted there's no nervousness, if you hold hands no one tends to bat an eye lid as as they would with a woman, the man will usually try to show off to try prove he's good enough, the last man I dated wanted to jump in the sack straight away at date one (lucky I didn't) so there was no emotional bond there prior to the sex, there was body shaming with the last man I dated years ago he pointed out something I hated about myself.

I found dating a man is easier to show affection in public but you don't tend to build up the bond you do with a gay relationship you still show affection though, you feel relaxed like you don't have to show off or the other person doesn't have to show off when dating you, I also think in a gay relationship because you've both been through the coming out stage or are coming out you have more of a bond and more to talk about and lastly...... you just get each other more in a gay relationship because you know you both have the same equipment so to speak you can talk about the time of the month and not feel like you're letting your partner down because they get the same (sorry if I've offended any trans people or people I didn't mean too)

 

I need to go against GW on this topic. In the US the rules of male gay dating are so different than straight dating.

1. The goal of straight dating is so heteronormative, viz., marriage, white picket fence, and children. Less so for gay men.
2. Gay men often prefer to establish sexual compatibility before going on a proper date.
3. Gay men are open to non-traditional arrangements, for example, it's not uncommon for partnered men to have things on the side.

Of course I'm commenting on gay male dating and have no input on whether or not the rules are different for lesbians.

 

I can echo a little of both between Greatwhale and Confusedbubble.

When I was - whatever I was - with my trigger crush, our hangouts were pretty much dates without being called dates. I actually saw Cheryl Strayed call it dry-dating once, and instantly knew that's what we did.

With men, like Greatwhale and Confusedbubble say, it's easier and they're almost completely transparent. PDA is easier, and if a guy likes you, it's pretty obvious. Even if he doesn't like you on a deep level, I've found that men are quick to get physical, so it's some indication that they're at least attracted to you.

With her, it was actually pretty similar to being out with a guy. We held hands. She held doors open for me. Tried to buy my meals, or other things. There was really intense eye contact and physical flirting, like play hitting and pushing, and talking about us being together (guys rarely ever do that crap). But when it came to actually getting physical, no-go. It seemed like we were going to kiss a few times, but who was going to go for it? Not me. And obviously not her. That seems to be an issue I hear often in dating a female, both are afraid to go for it out of respect or not knowing. Men are a lot more confident and impulsive in this area. So I think the biggest difference is that men are more likely to be direct with physical intimacy, but women can hold it in, even if they want it so badly.

I also think women tend to play games more than men. I really can't say for sure, I haven't truly dated one in a way that we both know we're going on a date, but I feel like a girl will keep someone hanging on instead of either doing a slow fade or just cutting communication. Obviously many women do act straight forward, but many also don't so they appear "nice." And of course, there are men who play games too. Everyone can either suck or be great, just follow your intuition with people and have fun/don't take dating too seriously.

 

I found that when I dated men I fell in the traditional girl role. When I've dated women I've played the men's role. For example, I would open the door, pay for the dinner, offer up my jacket when it was cold out, and make the first move to hold hands or kiss. But that's just my personality and probably why I feel more comfortable in a relationship with women. I have the desire to be the provider. Anyway that's the big difference I noticed.

 

I tend to be in agreement with SiennaFire on this one, but would also add that guys can be so much more unabashedly direct on dates! There seems to be no filter when dating guys, whereas I always felt everything was filtered when dating girls (both for myself and the girl I was dating). The lack of a filer can be either a good thing or a bad thing. I have been on dates with guys where after the first 10 minutes, it was clear that there was no chemistry and we decided just to end it and move on. I have been on dates where the first topic is about sex and what bedroom activities would be like (and some turned into simply going there to begin with), I have been on some crazy dates with guys!!!!!! I can not think of a single date with a girl that did not go in typical heteronormative fashion.

 

I always felt like there were social protocols that I had to adhere to. I suck at small talk, which seemed to be the main thing. Goodbyes tended to be awkward. (Do we kiss, shake hands, say see ya later????) In contrast, seems much easier with a woman.

However, the biggest difference is that people do tend to stare. Then again, I live in Mississipi. I'm sure that in some places, nobody bats an eye, but......here, you definitely get looks.

 

I stand corrected! LOL

You are absolutely right, Sienna, what you state above is very true: sexual compatibility, whether overtly stated or not is a huge factor when assessing the other guy. It's not that we have a one-track mind...but...

 

In all fairness, there are homonormative players too.

I'm finding gay dating refreshing because it's a stark contrast to the heteronormative, which has been my master for too long. Now I focus on genuine connections and sexual compatibility, rather than marriage and the white picket fence. I've finally discovered how amazing sex can be when I'm true to myself and drop my emotional guard ride:

 

Yes I agree with you a lot with gay dating when it comes to this. I notice my thoughts did this too. I always had to be physically and sexually attracted to the person I was going to go on a date with.

I also didn't focus much on marriage, kids, happy ending.

I have no input on straight dating since I never touched a girl.

 

You guys are making me look forward to my first "gay" date!

 

One is natural and easier. Everyone is straight unless proven otherwise. It's also more American. You meet your lover at school, you meet your lover at church, you meet your lover through house parties. you meet your lover by cat calling someone, you go on special straight specific online dating sites. etc. you don't have to worry about who's a top or bottom or what clique or group you belong to. You're not too feminine, or not masculine enough.

Gays can't do that. Many LGBT students are bullied and drop out of school, and have trouble finding gay love in college. LGBT people will have a tough time finding love at church, even a gay one. Going to social events and networking is good, but straights have it easier. You can't go up and approach people because again, everyone is straight until proven otherwise. You don't want to get abused or laughed at or rejected. Gay dating sites are also very judgmental and racist. You have to belong to a certain group.

Straights have it easier.

 

I think many things are just the same. Although I have found it much harder to know if a woman is interested than a guy. With guys it seemed obvious either way if they liked me and also if they were only interested in sex (sorry, hope that doesn't offend any guys!)

Also I have found it to be more emotional with woman - I haven't slept with a woman I didn't also have feelings for but I have slept with men where it has been just sex and no emotion whatsoever. Although maybe that says more about me than it does about dating! Idk. So I'm not sure if I would want to sleep with a woman without getting to know her and how that would be for me.

 

Women can be very body shaming. Very judgemental. Some of the crap I've seen in fb groups is horrific.
And some will have very definite ideas of how you should act.
Some will not go out with a woman who has kids, or has been married, or who has ever slept with a male.
And they are the ones to avoid.

Then there are those who accept unquestioningly. Who you are, your past, your kids, what you look like. Run to them

As for sex. If your conversations haven't headed into that territory it's probably not going to happen on a first date. Probably.

Most of all relax. Follow your gut. If something feels off, take notice.

 

For me it seemed like the main difference was that gay dating was so much more honest and straightforward than straight dating was. There were a lot fewer games and people were much more open and direct. I think that part of that is the sort of sense of freedom from being out. In my experience most out gay people don't have a lot of time for misdirection and half truths--they've fought hard to have this love life (whatever kind they've chosen) and they're all in. I can imagine that his might be jarring for some people who are used to the more indirect approach. For instance, I think in both gay and straight dating there are going to be the people who are just trying to get into someone's pants--in gay dating the odds are much better that someone will just say that.

I will also say that while I definitely felt more at ease dating men it was in some respects more stressful than dating women. While I was dating women it was like I was playing a role. In the end it was all about them and as such it was easy to do it well. In retrospect there was nothing of what I wanted getting in the way. With guys it was much messier because everything cut much deeper. Let's just say while dating women I never found myself thinking "oh if she doesn't call I'll just die." The flipside of course was that it was so much more exciting when he called.

 

I think maybe I'm misunderstood.

Is this for gay/bisexual people who dated both sexualities and want to know which one is easier?

Or is this in a general sense, is it easier to date and approach others being straight vs being gay?

Because I was thinking it was the second thing.

 

I think she's asking, like, how are they different.