My wife and I have our 17 year wedding anniversary coming up on Sunday. I've been out to her for three months now. We're still living together making things work, but it's been rocky to say the least. I feel like this is the first time our anniversary will be bittersweet and I don't know how to "celebrate" it. I don't feel like handing her a Hallmark card with sentiments that don't reflect our current situation. I've thought about writing her a letter expressing that our marriage has been thrown a huge curveball, but I love her as much now as I did the day we got married. But I don't want my newly recognized identity to overshadow the day. I asked her what she wants to do and she doesn't have any ideas (but we have the same discussion every year, so that isn't out of the norm). We usually don't buy gifts for each other so that's not really a thing. Even though things have been tough as of late, I don't want to belittle the 17+ years we've spent together. I really want to celebrate the time we've been together and be grateful for the amazing woman I've shared my life with. I'm sure there will be discussions about whether or not we'll be celebrating an 18 year anniversary next year. Do I express doubt or give some sort of optimism? No matter the outcome of my marriage, I want our anniversary date to be a celebration of the life we have together and I don't want it marred by some uncomfortable conversation that will be forever linked to it. It's sort of like a restaurant or two I can't eat in anymore because of a bad conversation that took place there. You know, like the sushi place where I told my wife I was in to dudes. Anybody else been in a similar situation? Looking for suggestions.
I've gone through a few hallmark occasions (anniversary, husband's birthday, Christmas, etc) since coming out, and I totally undwrstand your feelings. I think the letter idea is a very nice one. And I would suggest doing something quiet and pleasant together, maybe going to a park for a pivcnic, or botanical garden, museum. Just a nice quiet day to mark your time together. I feel like that is a nice way to mark the importance of the occasion but without any pretense of excitement and celebration.
Herewego I think the letter is an excellent idea. Maybe a simple (short) special time with the kids too. The beach or something. I am writing a letter to my wife over the next week to give her a few days after our talk on Friday. I really want to reinforce what our marriage has been before the angst that may result over the coming weeks. Something for us to use as a base reference as we work through things. I need something in her hands that she can use if she needs to validate the feelings she had, and hopefully, will still have. Something that shows how real it was, and is, for me too. I once wrote a eulogy and I am drawing from that. Even though I don't want her to feel the loss, I do want her to feel the fulfillment that our lives have had together. You are an excellent writer and I have no doubt you can write something she will always cherish. Best of luck man...I am so feeling this.
I gave my wife a less mushy Hallmark card with handwritten comments acknowledging the challenges of our situation.
Quite day of contemplation, no interaction but a mental recognition of where both myself and my ex have been and where we are both going.
