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All ahead... STOP

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by quietman702, May 19, 2016.

  1. quietman702

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    Hi I haven't posted in some time and hope you all are doing okay.

    When I first posted my coming out story a few years ago it seemed as though my forward momentum was gaining speed to be able to live my life free as a gay man (getting divorced from straight wife etc.) For the past number of months that momentum has come to a complete stand still.

    No matter hard I've tried to move out, finances have been a major block to moving on. Being on disability compounds this issue. I can get a divorce at no or little charge but it's afterwards. Alimony etc. would take most of my check and no matter how I scheme or calculate it comes down to having little or no money for food let alone a room somewhere.

    So for the most part I've given up trying to move forward. Please know that I'm not whining (or maybe I am). I'm just so tired and discouraged of trying and getting nowhere. You can only beat your head against the wall so long. :bang:

    So for the time being I'm just staying at home keeping the peace. Does anyone else feel like this or is in a similar situation?
     
  2. OnTheHighway

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    Nice to have you back! Over the past few years, I have read quite a few stories from others whom share your situation. While I do not have your experience first hand, what I have read from others suggested that they have been able to make the situation work through open communication and flexibility on both your and your wife's part.

    I assume you and your wife have spoken about having an open marriage? or has that topic been taboo?
     
  3. 1Tiny0wl

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    I don't really have any advice to offer, but you are definitely not alone. I'm in a similar situation where I feel kinda stuck. Can't look back, yet can't move forward yet. I'm trying to get my ducks in a row at the moment (so to speak), find a job, new living space. I have young kids so this will be difficult for my entire family. Not sure what to do next to be honest.

    I'm not familiar with your story. How is your wife handling things?
    My husband has his days. Ups and downs, so it's been like a rollercoaster here.
     
  4. looking for me

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    hey Quite man. momentum can be slow sometimes, took me 3 years just to get the divorce decree. im not sure what the laws are in WV but here in Canada, if your on disability or some other form of income support you cannot be forced to pay support payments. have you checked this out with a lawyer? there may be free clinics or you can contact the Southern Poverty Law Center for advise? ((HUGS))
     
  5. quietman702

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    Thanks so much for your replies.

    OnTheHighway We have discussed an open marriage and she isn't for it at all. I'm still working on that possibility.

    1Tiny0wl My wife has had some very low lows (bi polar), she feels abandoned most days... so I don't go out etc without her knowing my location. So roller coaster here too.

    looking for me Very good legal points to be made and I'll research them. I just don't want her on the street.

    I do love her and want to provide for her so for the most parts we are room mates.
     
  6. OnTheHighway

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    If as you say, you are "roommates", the question is if she feels the same way? Dealing with someone with bipolar can certainly complicate the situation quite significantly (I have a family member with it so can completely relate).

    Have you gone to a couples counselor? Laying out the rational for needing to stay together, but enable each of you to express yourselves (do not make it just about you), might be a way to get to the point of allowing for an open marriage.

    It needs to be a joint agreement of course. But if you both come to the conclusion that is in both of your best interests, maybe she would then agree.
     
  7. quietman702

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    OnTheHighway thanks for your wise words and that you can relate on the bipolar issue. Couples counseling would be good but it was all I could do to get her treatment and meds that she would agree with. Maybe someday. My big worry is that she has threatened to tell my 83+ year old parents who are not in good health about me. Not a great way to live but it's what I have right now. They are completely not open to being gay what so ever.
     
  8. Weston

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    Quietman, you're 60 years old, three years younger than I was when I came out first to my wife, then to my children, then to all and sundry. The past two years have been the best years of my life. Maybe it's time to reevaluate where you're at and where you want to be. It seems to me you're currently in prison serving an indeterminate sentence. If your wife is threatening to out you to your parents, preempt her! Tell your parents yourself! At 83, I can't believe they would cut you out of their life. While your commitment to your wife's future wellbeing is admirable, I'm not sure it's warranted, given her apparent vindictiveness. At the very least, seek legal counsel so you know your rights.
     
    #8 Weston, May 20, 2016
    Last edited: May 20, 2016
  9. quietman702

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    Thanks Weston for your wise counsel, I am researching my legal rights currently as not sure she can claim part of my disability. My main goal is to have an "open relationship" as right now I can't afford to move out on my own. I realize I may seen like a chicken but I'm looking at the hard facts of my financial situation. I am saving every penny I can for that day. :bang: