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Is "gaydar" real? Is that still a word?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by baristajedi, May 20, 2016.

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  1. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    Now that I'm a mind slut these days, checking out women all the time, I think I'm paying extra attention (subconsciously) to signs that someone is a lesbian/bi woman. Like little mentions of LGBT culture, potential even subtle flirtation, whatever might tip me off so I can flirt or just make eye contact, and smile. I even just sometimes feel like I want to make a subtle nod of hey, you're gay/queer/bi, cool, me too. :slight_smile:

    Do you feel like you're more hyper aware and attentive to whether someone is LGBT?
     
    #1 baristajedi, May 20, 2016
  2. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
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    None of my friends use the word. But as you said, its all based on looking for signs that the other person throws off. For a while, I thought every hot guy was gay, but I think I have refined my ability to sense the appropriate clues.
     
    #2 OnTheHighway, May 20, 2016
  3. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    Yeah I think I do default to cute girl=gay in my head. Wishful thinking. :slight_smile: I suppose I'll get better at it.

    I suppose I should be trying to throw out clues too, I wonder if I'm doing that subconsciously. I do feel like more women flirt with me lately. Or is that wishful thinking too? :eusa_doh:
     
    #3 baristajedi, May 20, 2016
  4. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
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    I tend to think people sense that I am gay. My haircut is a bit progressive for the conservative environment I am in, I have relatively flashy glasses, and I often am wearing bright shirts. No one item says "Gay", but taken as a whole, should be easy to figure out.
     
    #4 OnTheHighway, May 20, 2016
  5. baristajedi

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    I kind of look pretty gay too, I always have, but lately I think I'm leaning into it more. I tend to have very short hair, flannels, boots, jeans and tees. I'm also a tomboy by nature, I gravitate to tomboy interests and conversation topics. It would make me happy to think people might assess me and think hmm maybe she's into the ladies. :icon_bigg

    I'm not trying to stereotype, I know lesbians/bi women are just as varied as anyone else, but this kind of just the way I am, and if it fits a stereotype, that's fine with me!
     
    #5 baristajedi, May 20, 2016
  6. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
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    Curious, is there a large LGBT community in Edinburgh? It is one of my favorite cities. While I have been on numerous occasions, I have yet to go having since come out (and now that I think of it, its been five years last I was up there - boy time flies).
     
    #6 OnTheHighway, May 20, 2016
  7. bi2me

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    Personally, I need to have my bi-noculars checked!
     
    #7 bi2me, May 20, 2016
  8. baristajedi

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    I think Edinburgh is really lgbt-friendly. But you know how Edinburgh is like a small city/big city. Small in size, not a huge population, but progressive and big city in terms of attitude, urban appeal etc. So I don't know if you could say there's a "large" lgbt community, but it is reasonable size. You'll definitely find gay bars, and there's a gay area of town called the "pink triangle".

    Next time you come to the city, look me up, we'll get a whiskey or a pint. :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 20th May 2016 at 03:35 AM ----------
    Haha :icon_wink cheeky you.

    So do you feel like you don't pick up on clues? I think a lot of it for me is wishful thinking :slight_smile: just hoping all these cuties are gay/bi.
     
    #8 baristajedi, May 20, 2016
  9. kypso

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    I feel like I can usually tell....but then I get proved wrong!
     
    #9 kypso, May 20, 2016
  10. baristajedi

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    I'd probably get proven wrong too! I haven't tested my intuition all that much yet, just mostly eye contact and smiling...
     
    #10 baristajedi, May 20, 2016
  11. SHACH

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    Lol I spot someone i suspect to be lgbt and i decide that I can't really tell, and then it turns out that I was right all along. The exact opposite.
     
    #11 SHACH, May 20, 2016
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  12. whizbang

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    Well I wish I had it!
     
    #12 whizbang, May 20, 2016
  13. BrookeVL

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    Same here.

     
    #13 BrookeVL, May 20, 2016
  14. gravechild

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    To some extent. For example, the girls that would turn my head all had a masculine swagger, and androgynous looks. A lot turned out to be les.

    Same with many gender non-conforming and trans folk, who I gravitated towards, without even knowing. It felt like I didn't have to put on such an act around them.

    The only surefire way to know is to ask.
     
    #14 gravechild, May 20, 2016
  15. SillyGoose

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    If gaydars are real, mine is awful
     
    #15 SillyGoose, May 20, 2016
  16. cakepiecookie

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    Sure it's real, but it's far from 100% reliable.

    I tend to have great gaydar men but pretty bad for women.
     
    #16 cakepiecookie, May 20, 2016
  17. fenestra

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    If I have 'gaydar', I think it might be just wishful thinking too. And sometimes I wonder if I just don't look 'queer' enough, like I don't give off that vibe, because I don't get hit on by women AT ALL. Men, 20-85, sure. Especially retirees, they freaking LOVE me. And, when they find out I'm bi/pan, they love me MORE. Women? Trans? Nope. Crickets. Are they just not out there? Aren't as forward? Not into me? Do I need a sign? A bumper sticker? Tattoo of a unicorn pooping rainbow-frosted cupcakes?

    But, I suppose it's not a huge deal since I'm very happy with my current (male) partner. Yeah, I probably shouldn't complain...:rolle:
     
    #17 fenestra, May 20, 2016
    Last edited: May 20, 2016
  18. Lindsey23

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    Gaydar is real. When I was in college a girl I barely knew asked me to go for a walk, we were chatting and she came out to me, so I came out to her. Her response? She said, "I thought you were." When I asked her how she could tell she said she didn't know. Looking back on it, I wonder if she saw me noticing a girl... Gaydar is about noticing what other people are looking at... Our eyes tend to focus on what we find attractive, so if we find a member of the same sex attractive our eyes might linger slightly longer than usual. Eye contact matters too...if there's mutual attraction you might stare and smile just a bit more!

    All that said my gaydar is hit and miss... But if you have short hair and you wear flannel, those would make me wonder and I might look for more clues...

    Hey, quick question... I have this necklace that's in the shape of a triangle. I got it at an event, it isn't a pride necklace or anything, but there were two times I wore it that women smiled and made eye contact with me... Am I reading into it??? Am I sending clues or is it wishful thinking?
     
    #18 Lindsey23, May 20, 2016
  19. Really

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    You're not imagining it. The triangle is a thing.
     
    #19 Really, May 20, 2016
  20. Domosuke

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    As far as America is concerned. Here's my gaydar

    A white gay male is very clean cut, in shape, smells nice, and uses big words in his speech.

    Or he's a roughneck bubba who keeps to himself and is not married with children.

    Or he is doesn't fall into those above categories and talks like a black diva woman.

    I noticed many gay hispanic men have beards and excessive amounts of facial hair.

    Or if not, they sound like diva black women.

    I noticed many gay black men are ghetto and shady and say what's on their mind.

    Or if not, they are bodybuilders and keep to themselves.

    I noticed many gay asian men look like women, and are extremely quiet.

    If not, they are very avant garde and artsy.
     
    #20 Domosuke, May 21, 2016
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