Hi.. I posted a thread on the coming out page but it was suggested here may be a better place. I am 31 and have been a relationship with another woman for the past 15 months. Up until meeting her I had had my suspicions about my sexuality but had done my best to ignore them - I genuinely had accepted that I would spend my life never having a relationship with anyone. Then I met this girl, we were friends for a long time and things just went from there. Neither of us were out, or had had previous same sex relationships. I still live with my parents and would say that we are a very close family. Albeit we never talk about anything serious, or at least I don't - I have never been able to have those types of conversations with them. Now I am at a point where my girlfriend has had enough of us being a secret and wants to take a step back. I feel completely lost. She's helped me see a future that I never thought was possible but I don't know if I can find it in me to tell my parents the truth. I know if I don't I go back to living the life I always thought I would - on my own.
Hi Molly, welcome over here. Glad to see you post this here. I'll repeat my advice that I put on your other thread: As far as coming out to your family, what are their views on being LGBT? Do you suppose they will mostly be supportive to you? I suggest writing down what you want to say to think it through, plan out responses to questions you expect. And start by coming out first to the person you expect to be most supportive. You could also have a supportive friend come along with you to offer encouragement when you come out to your family. Big hugs. This is a tough time, but we're all here to support you!
Thank you I used to play football for a ladies team and some of the views my dad had on girls there weren't always positive. One girl I'm still in touch with recently had a baby with her wife, something my dad called 'ludicrous'. Part of me thinks that in time they'd come to see I'm still the same person and be able accept me. But there's just as much of me thinks they either wouldn't want to know me, or that they'd ask me to hide it.
It sounds like you are really wanting to push yourself to come out. I totally understand your fears. The truth is, your family may not be supportive, but if this is important to you, you can do this. The thing to focus on is how to build your feelings of empowerment, thickening your skin, and preparing for questions or comments that will be tough for you to deal with. I strongly suggest doing some things to build up your confidence before coming out to your parents. Tell someone who you believe will support you (are you out to any of your good friends?) The stuff I mentioned about writing things out, bringing a supportive person along, these could help bolster your courage. I think the key is build up your sense of feeling motivated to come out for you, because you own your life and you're simply sharing this because it is important to you to feel like you make your own choices, and you want to be able to have this woman in your life who you love. I know other folks on her will have great advice and encouragement. You can do this!!
Hi Molly. I would try and take things one small step at a time (and posting here is the first step in the right direction!). Are you out to any friends yet? Do you have a brother or sister you could maybe come out to first? I understand your fears about your parents. I find people are perhaps just afraid of what they don't understand or are scared of. Some people have never known an LGBT person and their opinions perhaps won't change until they do. It might be a process of acceptance for your parents too. Sometimes I think prejudice needs to be challenged - people can rarely provide a logical, rational reason for it when questioned. I take it your parents think your girlfriend is just a friend at the moment? Do you think they might suspect at all?
Thank you so much for your messages, I never realised how much this kind of thing can help you to feel better. Today I have told one of my closest friends, she said she already knew and was a little bit sad it had taken me so long to talk to her. She was lovely though. It made me wonder if my family might suspect, and I kind of hope that they do. They know my girl and she has spent time with me and my family. I guess it's the fear that if telling them goes badly I can't ever take it back. But thank you again for your messages and support.
Yay! I'm so proud of you for telling your friend! And I'm so happy for you that it went well so now you have an ally. I wonder based on your situation if your friend would be able to be with you and help you tell other people. They would rock.
I think you'll get there. Can you work towards moving into your own place? This may provide you the independence and space you need to then tell your parents
I think you did the right thing picking a friend to whom to come out. There's no rule that says you have to tell your family first I second some of the other things that have been said, too. Your parents may surprise you. I've seen some very conservative parents react very well to a queer child, going so far as to change their opinions when confronted with the reality of an actual family member who is different. There's an old saying: It stops being funny when it starts being you. That can be very true; when something hits close to home, close-held opinions can be questioned and maybe they'll realize that some of their pre-conceptions were just wrong. Talk to your friend to whom you came out. Practice telling your parents with her; have her ask questions your parents may ask and think of the answers to them ahead of time. Here's another quote: "Plans are nothing, but planning is everything." Don't get hung up on the plans themselves. Be flexible. It may turn out to be as simple as: "Dad, I'm gay." "Uh huh. I know. Did you know we're out of milk?" I wish you luck and happiness in the adventure that's life. There may be bumps in the road, there may be some sadness, but never give up on it. Morgana PS. Yes, I do like quotes, why do you ask?
