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Setting a date

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by marriedcd, May 24, 2016.

  1. marriedcd

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    My therapist and I agree I need to sit a date to tell my wife that I want to be a woman. We feel that is the best place to start. She through a curve ball at me asking if I just wanted to present as a woman or transition....never thought of it really but my answer was transition SO there are things I need to do b4 I do this. Some of you will say don't wait but there are extraneous family matters I need to take care of. Hell this the first day I openly admitted out loud I am a heterosexual female..or a male transitioning to female who is attracted to men. I don't feel I am bi or pan. Only woman I am attracted to is my wife. The date is Sept 1. Then after that I am sure my sexuality will come up, that will be just as interesting. I am going to work on presenting myself more feminine during this summer even b4 telling her. I appreciate all the friends I have made here in my short time and will listen to advice OH question, do u all think it is ok to work on femme presentation even b4 telling her or am I asking for trouble...example keeping my legs shaved during summer, probably arch and thin my brows more, wear more unisex clothing so on and btw everyone, I am Danielle:smilewave
     
  2. Adray

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    Danielle, I love your name! I don't have advice, but sending a hug, and excited for you.

    (*hug*)
     
  3. Nickw

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    Dani

    I am out on a limb here since I don't know you or your wife. But, you have been married a long time. I would give her the benefit of the doubt and give her the opportunity to support you through this. If I was her, I wouldn't want this one outfit at a time just so it would lessen the surprise or hope that I guessed. She has to know something is up anyway.

    I think as important as anything is that she knows she is secure and safe. So, anything you can do to assure that may be a better way to lessen the shock.
     
  4. baristajedi

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    Wow, so many big steps, I'm proud of your courage! This is amazing to hear.

    I think that you have to introduce this to your wife in whatever way feels comfortable to you, follow your instincts. I know you've said before she is not very open about this, so I think that the most important thing right now is you embracing you, and the more confidence you gain, the more vulnerable you might want to try to be with your wife.

    Love your name! :slight_smile:
     
  5. marriedcd

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    Thanks Adray..support is so appreciated

    Nick yes we have been married 26 years. I hear what you are saying Nick. I am not trying to out myself to her before, part of me embracing who I am is important too and that can be just little things. Btw, legs are already shaved and she knows that. Nick you are right as well, I have an idea she knows I am very feminine, she calls me the woman in the marriage all the time.
    Barista thank you for the kind and supportive words. I feel you get me, You understand where I am going with this. As a matter of fact I think you get me most of the time (*hug*)

    Am I waiting too long? My therapist and I had a deep discussion on this
     
    #5 marriedcd, May 24, 2016
    Last edited: May 24, 2016
  6. bi2me

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    I don't think a few months to get everything ready seems too long... I'm sure you want to make sure you are prepared for as much as you can be.

    I love the name Danielle, btw! :slight_smile:
     
  7. Morgana

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    Danielle. I like it! I had a good friend named Danielle many many years ago. It's a strong name, yet feminine; an excellent choice.

    From what you say, your wife quite possibly has some idea of what's going on. Don't wait too long, and definitely stick to your planned date is my advice.

    Best wishes on your journey, hon!

    Morgana