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Lots of guilt

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Kris9, May 24, 2016.

  1. Kris9

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Vermont
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So here it goes.
    Mostly everyone in my life has been very supportive of my decision to come out as lesbian.
    I was married to a man for a year, and had dated for about 6.
    Had just bought a house,and been there for a year.
    I thought everything was ok.
    Other than my sex life witch was lacking in interest on my part.
    I always seemed to blame it on something else especially because I really didn't have anything else to blame it on.
    It had been like that with all my relationships. All was well in the beginning of all my relationships. Then seemed to flicker out.
    I just assumed something was wrong with me.
    Then about 4 months ago I met a girl.
    Beautiful, funny, alluring ... and openly gay.
    It was immediate. I could not stop thinking about her. All the time. My life was consumed with thoughts of this woman.
    I was.. confused.
    I was in short falling head over heels in love with this woman.
    How would I go on without her?
    So long story short, kinda. I get caught
    Being out later with her texting her.. everything her.
    Throws me out of the house.
    So now my story today.
    I am so happy with this woman.
    I can't imagine my life without her.
    But the guilt everyday of what I did to this man ...
    That was so undeserving of what I did and how it all went down.
    Is almost unbearable. But I know It would never be fair if I had said that I would stay with a man I could never fully connect with.
    Guilt.
    Not to be confused with regret.
     
  2. bi2me

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    (*hug*)

    I'm sorry you are feeling guilty, but it sounds as if you didn't even know that you were interested in women when you dated/got married. And even if you did, you weren't in a place where you were ready to deal with it. I hope you are able to find some peace, but I don't think you have so much to feel badly about...
     
  3. Butterfly2016

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    I'm sure I'll feel the same thing once I get up the courage to break it off with my husband...no idea how I'm gonna do that without a job..but I'll work it out somehow. I'm not looking forward to how sad he's gonna be. I didn't intend to lead him on. I just hope he and I can be friends. Congrats on finding happiness with your new girlfriend ^^ I hope you stay happy for the rest of your life.
     
  4. Kris9

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    Out to everyone
    Thank you very much!
    It's definitely a comfort to know I'm not alone..
    Cause when you're in it and going through it... it is very lonley. I'm glad we're here :slight_smile:
     
  5. Morgana

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    Most assuredly not alone, Kris. Lots of us go through hard stuff, some more, some less. I'm sorry he took it badly, and I'm sorry you both were hurt. It's ok to feel guilty, but at some point, you should try to forgive yourself. Don't let the guilt hold you back from living your life.

    Warm hugs if I may,

    Morgana
     
  6. kypso

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    Guilt is ok. It means you care, and that you are a thoughtful person who reflects on the consequences of your actions.
    At the end of the day, you only live once, and you are happy. You are being the person you are meant to be. Guilt is normal but I also hope you find peace knowing that the right thing happened in the long run
     
  7. Kris9

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    Out to everyone
    Thank you all for all your kind words.
    I look forward to the day where I can get through the day without the guilt. .. I wish that for anyone going through it.
     
  8. whizbang

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    I couldn't have said it any better myself (*hug*)