A little over a year ago, my bestie and I admitted we loved each other and formed a relationship. Our husbands both know (found out not long after) and we have kids. It has been a year of hell. Me & her are soulmates, no one could possibly be as close as we are. Neither of us ever had a happy marriage. We love each other so much and when we are together life is perfect. We tried to leave/start a life together about 8 months ago, her husband refused to accept it, threatened her if she leaves she WONT get her kids. No, she wouldn't lose them altogether but he is powerful and she doesn't want to put her kids through an ugly custody battle. I doubt I will ever love anyone else like her, Ive never had such a connection with someone. It took me forever to find her. Much as she wants to be with me, she knows her hands are tied and she must stay if she wants to see her kids every day. (I have a child also, but not a fear I would lose my child if I moved out). I don't want to leave her and try to find someone else. I know I want a girl. I hate being with a man. My husband now knows this and hard as it is, he knows I don't want to be with a man. I want her. I cant stand being away from her at night. We text constantly to her husbands upset, but saying goodnight wish we were together helps me sleep. I want to wake up with someone with smooth legs next to me like mine. I don't want to wake up unhappy every day for the rest of my life. I don't want to cry every night. But I also don't want to be with anyone else. I know I could find another girl to be with, I'm young, pretty and in shape. But I don't want anyone else. but I also don't want to wait forever with no promise things will ever change. Her husband doesn't want to admit this happened, and refuses to accept it, and will not have his family broken up, and will threaten a horrible custody battle. I hate that he would do that. If it was me in love and my husband didn't want to be with me Id move on. I just want happiness. life is short and I hate being sad every single night I cant snuggle with her. WHY is this so hard? Like what did I do? Ive been a pretty good person. I work hard and have done tons of good deeds for others. I don't know what I did to deserve this hurt.
Cate... how about some kind of compromise? Reading your post, that probably sounds like treachery. But compromise is the way of human nature. We rarely get 100% of what we want - and if we do, we'll quickly be on to something else. Consider that the disharmonious relationship w your husband somehow makes the rel w your gf all the more powerful, as a buffer. If you didn't have that friction, the rel w your gf might not be as awesome. Then what would it be like? Would it have the dreamy perfection that it seems to have now? It's impossible to tell.
Sigh, I know this feeling. Sadly life is not fair. The only thing we can do is act on the things in life which we have some control over. In your case, I wonder what it would be like if you left your husband. You haven't said much about that option, just talked about your friend's situation. You can't control their relationship. But if you are lesbian, shouldn't you be focused on how you can come out yourself?
Hi cate, I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling so much. I just wanted to send big big hugs your way (&&&)
I really felt for you reading this. How awful. I know what you mean, I don't understand him wanting her to stay when he knows she feels this way for you. Sometimes when I feel trapped, I like to think that what will be, will be and the universe will unfold as it should. If you are truly meant to be together, then you will be. Good things come to those who wait and all that I sincerely hope this man comes to his senses and realises that his wife (and himself for that matter) should be happy in their relationship and that his children need their mother. Best wishes friend x
