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Gaying out

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by baristajedi, May 25, 2016.

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  1. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    I'm at a point in my journey where it's important to me to always feel like I'm moving forward, or at the very least staying in touch with LGBT related things in general. I suppose I also feel, outside of this journey, I also need to stay in touch with all of the stuff that is just about me (my personal interests, me time, etc). This journey in coming out has helped me realise I need to always stay in touch with me, that's key to my happiness.

    So I started this new job, still getting used to the routine. Evenings with my little one are short, weekends are important for me to spend time with her too. Basically time is very limited right now outside of work and mom-hood.

    What are some of the things you guys suggest I do to stay in touch with this journey, and stay in touch with just me in general? I'm not feeling badly or out of touch just yet, but if I don't create space for this stuff, I know from experience I can start to feel very unfulfilled.

    What I'm missing - haven't been to LGBT meetups in a while. I also haven't had the energy to even chat online or look online for women to chat with. I have been hoping to go to a gay bar with a friend of mine and that's not happened yet. And the girl I've been chatting with postponed our date due to health issues, so it will be s little bit of time before we meet up. Also, I've not had much time to carve out me time for general interests, although my long ish commute does give me time for podcasts, and of course, I try to get out a little on the weekend (hour of two) just to breathe and get a moment to myself.

    So, some things I've thought might help:

    -list making of all the meetups I can maybe go to :slight_smile: I know this sounds lame but I love making lists, and this can give me stuff to look forward to and make it easier for me to figure out how to arrange some time out

    -plan a night out to a gay bar, even far in advance so I can look forward to it.

    -hang out on EC a lot :slight_smile:

    -get my accessories on, maybe order some stuff I can wear, just walking around wearing my queer accessories will keep me feeling good through the day

    -carve out a time every week to chat online

    -find some LGBT podcasts to listen to to/from work, and queue up more queer music on Spotify

    -look for more queer related blogs, forums, etc to browse on the way to/from work

    -appreciate the stuff I do have coming up- I will go on that date; I have counselling starting in 3 weeks; my husband and I are actually actively talking and sorting out things about open marriage (slowly but surely)


    you guys have any thoughts? Ideas? Suggestions? I'm open to lots of ideas!
     
    #1 baristajedi, May 25, 2016
    Last edited: May 25, 2016
  2. Distant Echo

    Distant Echo
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    Something that helps me a lot is the queer fb groups I've joined. Have you looked at that?
     
    #2 Distant Echo, May 25, 2016
  3. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
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    Seems like you out together a great list already. You may want to add to that subscribing to the numerous LGBT periodicals that are out there. I have them all on my tablet and that keeps me plenty occupied when I have downtime. In particular, I always find the travel related magazines fun to read and helps me dream about the next LGBT destination to visit!
     
    #3 OnTheHighway, May 25, 2016
  4. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    That's a great idea! There's also some local ones that can probably give me ideas for future meetups...

    ---------- Post added 25th May 2016 at 04:15 AM ----------
    I love this, it will provide lots of reading material. The travel ones...I can just imagine I'm going to be going down a rabbit hole imagining and reading about LGBT vacation spots! That's a great way to pass the time, and maybe even plan a trip. It would have to be far in the future at this point, just logistically. But that's ok!
     
    #4 baristajedi, May 25, 2016
    Last edited: May 25, 2016
  5. Katchoo

    Katchoo
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    I dont know. Can Rainbow Dash be your kid's newnfavorite toy? :wink:

    I feel like there are podcasts that would help, but I havent found any I super love. My favorite podcasts have queer themes but arent like staight up queer podcasts.
     
    #5 Katchoo, May 25, 2016
  6. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    So I googled some podcasts and I'll have to share my results here :slight_smile: but my phones not cooperating right now.

    What's Rainbow Dash? I have to google :slight_smile:
     
    #6 baristajedi, May 25, 2016
  7. CyclingFan

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    You put together the best lists! I love coming here and seeing one, especially when I'm feeling kinda down. Totally affirming.

     
    #7 CyclingFan, May 25, 2016
    Last edited: May 25, 2016
  8. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    Thanks! This makes me so happy :slight_smile:

    But wait, have you been feeling down? What's up?
     
    #8 baristajedi, May 26, 2016
  9. CyclingFan

    CyclingFan
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    Oh dumb fight with my boyfriend. Working out boundaries. It might lead to me being single again, which would be an adjustment, and I don't want to withdraw too much if that happens.
     
    #9 CyclingFan, May 26, 2016
  10. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    Aw :frowning2: I'm sorry. I hope you can work through it. I love making lists, here's one for you to get through the emotions of the fight with your boyfriend:
    -wine
    -ice cream
    -a best friend to consume said ice cream and wine with you, and to listen
    -Netflix
    -working out to rad music that pumps you up

    I hope you get it all sorted.
     
    #10 baristajedi, May 26, 2016
  11. CyclingFan

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    Thanks! I haven't had any contact with him since Tuesday. He got tied up in a work dinner when we were supposed to be together. It upset me even though I knew why, and couldn't articulate it at the time. He angrily shut down texting then, no contact since.

    Communication isn't our strong suit at the moment.
     
    #11 CyclingFan, May 26, 2016
  12. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    Those types of fights are so frustrating, where it all stems from or blows up in miscommunication.
     
    #12 baristajedi, May 26, 2016
  13. CyclingFan

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    Yeah. I was super frustrated by it too since I asked him about his schedule ahead of time and rearranged my schedule to accommodate. i texted him almost 3 hours ago and so far nothing.

    Sucks.

    Thanks for listening.
     
    #13 CyclingFan, May 26, 2016
  14. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    :frowning2: I'm sorry. Fights really suck. Vent on here as much as you want! I'm happy to listen.
     
    #14 baristajedi, May 26, 2016
  15. CyclingFan

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    Followed up 5 hours later with a text about how I was sad that this miscommunication has come between us and left us both upset, apologized for my part in it, and said that we should talk about it when he's ready. Still nothing 3 hours later.

    I can actually completely see why he's upset. But he's not seeing why I was so upset, especially in the moment when I'd been waiting so long.

    Well, what can ya do?
     
    #15 CyclingFan, May 26, 2016
  16. CyclingFan

    CyclingFan
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    Well, still no contact. This has officially moved to hilarious.

    Is he really going to ghost after more than a year?
     
    #16 CyclingFan, May 27, 2016
  17. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    Oh really!? I'm sorry :frowning2: maybe this is a particularly sensitive area for him? Did you guys ever have a big fight like this before?
     
    #17 baristajedi, May 27, 2016
  18. CyclingFan

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    We haven't had any fight like this. It's gone to the point now where I'm not interested any more. Every relationship is going to have some conflict, but this way of working through it is not healthy or something I'm willing to put up with.

    We fell into a pattern based on schedules and now mine has changed and I want to change that. And for some reason that has been a big problem. It's really brought up some crappy controlling behavior, and now what amounts to an extended tantrum. I think a lot of that was there already, but I didn't notice/care cause it was working well in all other aspects.

    And even with this, it's still been a good relationship for me. Even if we aren't together anymore, our dating has left me much more comfortable and confident with my sexuality, being out, having sex with a guy etc, and he's been a positive part of that.

    I am still saddened by it, and there were a few fun things on the calendar for June I was really looking forward to, like walking with him in the SF Pride parade. But I can't deal with someone who fights this way, even if I had been 100% wrong in something I'd done.
     
    #18 CyclingFan, May 27, 2016
  19. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    I get it. I understand your feelings completely. And it's good you're following your instincts; if you feel this is part of a pattern of controlling behaviour, it's best to run the other way, and never look back.

    And, I think that's a great attitude that you have, to see what the relationship has done for you. It's a huge step, and I'm glad it's helped you reach a greater comfort in being gay. :slight_smile: That's amazing to hear!!

    And now, when you go to Pride, you can meet some cute guys!! :thumbsup:

    Good for you for sticking to your instincts. :kiss: (*hug*)
     
    #19 baristajedi, May 28, 2016
  20. CyclingFan

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    He texted me after midnight last night. That alone would be pretty manipulative, especially after the long time ignoring me, but the text of it really confirmed.

    I'd really already made my decision. I found a list of controlling behaviors on a psychology website as well, and about half of them were so spot on. Everything about that text last night, from the timing, the lack of response for days and the direction of blame was about bringing me back in control.

    I am a little sad that he texted me. I was hoping for a story like "my boyfriend of 14 months ghosted me". :roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

    Well, off to go ride. I'm hoping to get 70-80 km in today. Bit of a stretch, but I think I'm ready for it. Hope you have a great day too
     
    #20 CyclingFan, May 28, 2016
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