My gay Saturday: Goodwill Dapper, Indigo Girls, and Tarot Cards

So, yup. Doing the gay things.

I mentioned my recent tarot card aquisition in another thread. I looooove them. I've never had a tarot card deck before. I mostly wanted them because when Iwas in the middle of ccoming out, my friends had a tarot reading party, and my reading basically said, talk to people, talk to your friends, talk to people, you can't do this by yourself, talk to them. So, yay, cards.

I've basically been sitting here pondering how to have appropriate boundaries with Mom that will help us both.

At first Iwas asking basicaly how Ineed to be with mom, what I need to do in order to make our relationship work even with all the transition. The cards said that in the past I have gathered wisdom and learned to apply it, and currently I am in a place of tension and discomfort that hopefuly I can resolve into feeling balanced. The "unconcious influences" card was the generosity card, which felt like such a compliment, but, yeah, I really do want to help my mom, even though sometimes I also resent helping my mom. The next steps card was about boredom. I'm not sure what the right way to interpret this is. I take it mostly as, I don't have to force things, that my role right now may require a lot of innaction, together with that open generosity. Probable outcome, endurance. We're going to get through. So, I have wisdom that I know what to do with, I have kindness and generosity at my disposal, I can remain calm and open and not feel like I have to do everything, and we're going to endure and be ok. The drawing on the endurance card kind of looks like little kid me, which is kind of how I picture my inner soul-heart-self, or however you think about that. Things will be ok, or at least I will get through ok.

I tried a spread about boundaries and accountability, asking in reference to my mom. The cards were all like, this is a super struggle. You'll be challenged in setting boundaries with your mom by near constant constant failure and frustration. You need to find peace and stability in yourself and work from there, and it will also require a great deal of skill. Um, yup. Thanks, cards.

So, I just did a spread about how to acheive the goal of having this peace and stability and guidance on my own. The cards are all like, you have going for you that you are generous and kind (repeated card from first spread), that you are making these things happen and getting them to come into reality, and that you have experienced healing yourself and are looking to give it to others. I need to watch out for unfairly judging people. (Mom, myself, etc. All the unfair judgements). Also, cards tell me that to meet my goal I need to get my finances under control (I've basiaclly not worked at all this week, and very little in the previou month, which is going to be killer on my stability and peace). The card that is positioned to tell me something that I need to know about my goal that Ineed to know asks me, Where do you need to be more courteous or understanding? Sigh. To myself and to my family, both. I can't be centered and at peace and directed if I'm criticizing myself and my mom. Be kind to myself and to her.

 

I know that part of what is going on with them is that they are helping me pull insights out of my brain. Tactile, visual, symbolic, self reflective, narrative combination of elements that help me have a different perspective inside my head and see whats going on in there, not too unlike how I do play therapy with little kids. I dont know if there is a spiritual element happening, because im not sure what spiritual things are real, ever. But, maybe. I really want there to be some sort of spiritual dimention to the universe. Idk, though. Anyway, seems helpful for now, and I like it.

 

BiAnnika, yes! That's totally what the experience is like for me so far. Like, it helps me to take a different perspective and consider the problem from new angles. I don't know that another person could read my cards in a way that's as useful as when I consider them, because I'm the person with the most information about my life and situation. It feels like a really beutifully illustrated, deeply meaningful way to sift and reconsider my problems.