Hi so im new to this site and having a few troubles. I am engaged to a descent guy but i cant find it in myself to be happy in my relationship. I have always had crushes and fantasies about other women but i never had the opportunity to act on them. The more time that passes to stronger they are becoming and the more miserable i have become, i push him away and have pretty much completely disconnected from him in all senses of the word. A kiss on the forehead at night is enough to make my body recoile, its not intentional but i cant seem to find it in my to have any kind of intimacy with him what so ever, it repulses me and its horrible. I dont know how to dissociate these feelings from genuine feelings to something else, but i cant talk to him about it, i dont trust him to keep it to himself and allow me to work it out, ive tried that once and my parents ended up being told. Ive brought up possibly inviting another woman in as a suggestion and he wont have a bar of it so im at a loss as to what i can do to figure this out for myself. I dont know if our relationship is going to survive either way but i dont want to split and tell him about these feelings for him to throw them in my face or use them to guilt me. Any advice would be appreciated so much, thankyou
Why do you think he would throw your feelings in your face? You have to be honest with yourself first before you can then be honest with him. Do you foresee I situation whereby you can be happy together? If not there is only one route to go down. It's hard for sure but better to be upfront. I totally sympathise with you, so be strong X
Only you know what's right for you, and no one can make these decisions for you. However, I'll put my 2 cents in. Being eventually married to decent guy that you can't be physically close / intimate with is not fair to either one of you. Everything you are feeling now can multiply exponentially as you go through life together. Telling him something privately that your parents find out - been there, not fun at all.. I cannot trust my husband with any of my true concerns/desires. It can be pure betrayal to me and I am not willing to put myself in this situation again as I know I won't be divorcing him for that and can't stand feeling that he is betraying me. ( confusing, I know). The difference is, I am married and you are not yet. So, if him letting everybody else know your private business is the only thing that is stopping you from backing off, back off. Since you cannot be physically close to him and don't want to, then the reason to split is you are not ready for (this type of) marriage. This is legit reason that I would assume engagements are broke off for. Your parents cannot really judge you for that and hopefully will respect your decision.
Hes thrown things in my face before that were private so the trust isnt there anymore. But he does it in such a way only i can see through it being the one on the recieving end Orchid123 That helps a lot thankyou very much for responding i appreciate it alot
I must say. He's not right for you. If the trust is gone, so too of the relationship. If you dint trust him and don't want to be with him, (if I were in your shoes) go. You seem miserable in your current situation and you CAN leave of you want to. U agree with orchidea. If you can't be close, is not fair it good fit either of you. If you agree, you could leave with THAT as the excuse, and avoid taking him what you feel and subsequently being betrayed.
