I guess I've realised part of my problem lately is, as a newly out gay man, I feel like I am less deserving or a 2nd class citizen as a result of my sexuality. I'm thinking about a new place to live and not sure to move to an area of town more gay friendly, so I don't feel weird, or somewhere else that I feel is more hetero orientated - if indeed there is such a place and it's not my imagination. I guess working on my acceptance of being gay will help but I feel I'm a long way from that. After all gay people should be able to live wherever they like shouldn't they? Maybe a dumb question but it's all going around in my head.
Working on your acceptance will be job one. It cannot be stressed enough that this is colouring your entire outlook as to how you feel about being gay. You live in London, I assume that there are more gay-friendly areas in that city, as there are here in Montreal. However, what you do behind closed doors is your own business, and moreover, I am assuming that London, overall, is not hostile to LGBT folk to the point of persecution. You may be also grieving the loss of hetero-privilege, of being "normal"...well normalcy is overrated. To my mind and that of many others, being gay is a blessing. I consider myself damned lucky to be gay, and I am enjoying being myself every single day. Yes, gay people can and do live wherever they want, for the most part, and certainly in Western cities like London. The only reason to live in a "gayborhood" may simply be convenience or the greater opportunity to meet like-minded people. You are now a minority, celebrate it and find others like yourself to live it! Remember: we are everywhere!
I want to start by saying 'amen!' to all that greatwhale said. I feel a sea change in my perception of self now too, in terms of being a minority. It can be jarring, but I'm starting to embrace that aspect of it, along with everything else. I think normalising your gayness is essential, and so maybe a gaybourhood will be a great thing for you. I am doing smaller things to normalise being queer. I mention it in passing to family now, I mention my girl crushes, I talk about queer politics, queer characters, etc. It's a small step, but one of the things that help me feel empowered. My sister and brother, in separate conversations seemed a bit startled at my casual mention of this stuff, but it left me feeling strong. I don't think this is necessarily the most compelling advice, but I find sometimes the little things go a long way.
I completely know what you're going through/talking about. I live in a town where lgbt+ is NOT celebrated let alone talked about.. Ever. This, for me, is super othering. I'm bi, so already I feel like most people don't like nor take me seriously when I do choose to express my queerness (which I don't ever really get the chance to). I even looked into lgbt+ Meetup groups in my area.. No such luck. Not a single one. Maybe there is an lgbt+ Meetup group in your area. I wonder if that would help you..? I have often fantasized about living in a predominantly lgbt+ area of the states. And I think if I did I would feel happier more often. Not that I'm not happy now but, the othering feel I mentioned stairs me in the face on the daily and it is exhausting sometimes. Now that I'm out to everyone... idk, it just seems more oppressive. Which you would think it would be more crippling while closeted. But, for me, it has turned out to be the opposite. I hope you think about looking into lgbt+ groups in your area. I think that would help you in many ways. You're not alone in how you feel. I totally get you. And I'm sorry you're going through this. Try to keep your chin up. And perhaps think about moving some place that is more accepting of lgbt's..? I know I would if I could. Best of luck to you. (*hug*) Aubrey
