Hi all, It has been very long time since I posted here. I can say now that I am 95% comfortable with my sexuality, finally! Therefore, and since I didn't know gay people before, I downloaded a dating App. Actually, I got many messages, which made me really happy. To be honest, I didn't reply to most of them. I chatted with one guy and next day we met. We had sex on the second date. There was no intercourse, just hand and blow job. Anyway, it was not that much enjoyable, but I think that's because it was my first time with a guy. I am not that attracted to the guy as well. Now, I am again on the App, and I am still getting so many messages but still not replying to most. I feel that if I just shared my body with strangers, I would be like a bitch. Sorry, I don't want to offend anyone but I am only sharing my feelings. But at the same time, I am really longing for an intimacy with a man I love! From my little experience, it seems that those guys on dating apps are only interested in hookups rather than relationships, which is disappointing. I am afraid that I am missing a lot of fun by thinking this way. Maybe I have just to try to have casual sex and enjoy life. But I can't help but thinking that this is wrong, at the same time I am terrified of getting some kind of STDs, even when playing safe. What do you think guys? Could you please just give some insight? Thanks
Personally, I find nothing wrong with hookups. But it all has to do with your personal level of comfort and what you want in general. I know many people who don't do hookups or one night stands. They prefer having sex only with people they are in relationships with, and even then they wait until they are comfortable before taking that step. I've done a lot of hooking up in my time. I definitely find now that sex with somebody you have more of a bond with, be it friends with benefits or somebody you're dating, is more enjoyable than just a random hookup. But for a long time, I was more than happy with the random hookups. Don't do anything you're not comfortable with. Easy as that.
Your intuition is right on, that most guys on dating apps are just looking for hookups, & not anything deeper. As to whether hookups are "wrong", that depends on your morals. Some things like lying & stealing are usually considered wrong. However hookups can be pleasurable, & fun … & occasionally a hookup will lead to something deeper. My rules on hookups: only w a guy w same status as me, only if I'm attracted to the guy, must see his face pic first, must meet in a public place & make sure I'm comfortable w him. Although I've said many times "I'm never going to hookup again", sometimes I get horny & a hookup happens. Good luck.
As long as you are single ("or if you are in an open relationship where both parties communicate and are honest", like OnTheHighway said below), and as long as you know that it is a casual thing (in other words, if no one is manipulating your feelings) there is nothing wrong with hookups. However, as always, be careful: Always use condoms, always meet in a public place first, trust your gut if something doesn't feel right and walk away at any time if that's the case, let a friend know where you are going and when, etc. I'll repeat the first advice: Always use condoms. It doesn't matter if the other person has been tested, it doesn't matter if it is "just this once...". Don't put yourself at risk. About guys in apps looking only for hookups, if it is a matter of preference, then it is fine. Everyone is free to choose if they want to be casual or not. However, there are some groups (including in my city) that think they need to fight against serious relationships because they think serious relationships are a "patriarchal and oppressive thing", which is bullshit in my opinion. I think that there are many people that share this idea, unfortunately, and the idea of "fighting against the relationship system" reflects a bit on these apps i think, making it a bit harder to find people looking for a serious relationship. But i'm digressing. There is nothing wrong with hookups, as long as you are taking the appropriate safety measures (see above). If you don't enjoy hookups, then there is no point in forcing yourself to like these things. You are just missing it if you enjoy it. If you don't, then you aren't missing anything. If you are looking for something more serious, then this thread may help a bit: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/famil...king-relationship-simpler-than-you-think.html
it has NOTHING to do with morals. It has everything to do with what you are comfortable with. as Chiroptera suggested, if your single, or in an open relationship where both parties communicate and are honest, there is absolutely nothing wrong with casual sex.
If you are having several hook-ups every week it might be time to pause and reflect upon what you are doing, but that's not what you are describing here at all. You seem to have met one or two guys, established that it's not going to lead to a relationship, but still had a fun time on your date. Is that so unethical? I don't think so. Providing nobody is being used or mislead, it seems perfectly reasonable. It's true that hook-ups are not for everyone. Many people want to have sex only in the context of a committed relationship and that's fair enough. I get the impression that it would be your preference to meet someone and get to know them well, and take it from there, in which case you shouldn't compromise. If you need to review your profile so it's clear that you only want to meet people who are looking for something serious, take time to do just that. When you are playing the 'dating game' you will meet people who are not on the same page as you (even if they claim to be) and you should be prepared for that, but I don't think it's entirely fair to say that all, or most people on dating apps/sites are only interested in hook-ups. If you don't clearly define your intentions though, you will find that you meet lots of people who don't want a deeper commitment and that may become disappointing for you over the long term, so have a think about it and do some work on your profile, if necessary.
I've only recently started having casual hookups, and I came out over 10 years ago. I always wanted to meet someone special and have a connection but it never occurred to me in all that time. One day I just thought "fuck it" and started having casual hookups. I did it on my own terms, I wasn't pressured into it, I didn't do it just because everyone else was doing it, I decided I needed some action and I found a way of getting it. Do whatever you feel is right for you. If you are not enjoying casual hookups, don't do it. If you are going to pursue casual hookups, make sure you look after your health. The guys I've hooked up with are quite careful (mostly jerking off and oral) and I do get checked out at the clinic every few months. Don't feel pressured into doing anything you're not comfortable with, and of course, make sure you have fun, and do it with guys you are actually attracted to.
