A quick glance at my profile info and you'll see that I identify as bi and I'm out to everyone..... Since I came out to everyone (thus far) I have felt more feelings of otherness than ever. Even more so than when I was closeted. I certainly never saw that coming. And as much as I tell myself that I hate it... Maybe I don't?? It's kind of nice to feel special. I will say though, it's bitter/sweet. Most of the time, for me, it feels more on the bitter side. However, I wonder how I would feel if suddenly everyone in the world accepted mine and everyone's queerness. Would I miss the bitter part(s)? Is the bitter part what I love? Or love to hate? I have been a part of unique things in my life (not necessarily good thing in my view). But, I, myself, have never felt very unique or special. And now that I'm an out bi woman I definitely feel unique in a way. But I can't decide how I feel about it. Am I in love with my feelings of otherness? And if I am - what does that say about me? Can anyone help me with this? Does anyone understand what I am so clumsily and (I feel), unsuccessfully trying to articulate? :bang: Thanks for your help, insight and advice. (&&&) Aubrey (*hug*)
I think it's perfectly natural to to feel both alienated and proud of the same thing at times. For me, it was ADD. I know, it's not so uncommon, but I started to notice early on that I just though differently than other people sometimes. But with being different and unique, there is also a kind of fish out of water experience. Things that would be easier for others might not be as easy for me, but I always had this ability to link things across boundaries, but never was able to preform sequential tasks as well. It occurred to me that both of these things the good and the bad, might very well both be due to my ADD. Even treated with medication, there still seems to be a fundamental difference in the wiring there. So yes, I understand in a way, how one can be proud of or even in love with something that also can bring you trouble from time to time. Feeling unique has, in my opinion, always been an enjoyable thing for me. So that's my two cents!
Oh heck yeah! There is definitely a mixed bag of feelings to who we are. I'm proud that I can be myself with those who matter the most to me, but I still fear that I'll come out to someone and they'll hate me. I came out to a good friend and he hasn't talked to me since I did. He seemed accepting, but ever since then, there has been this great silence from him. I just don't know why and I'm almost afraid to ask him. Would I miss the negativity if all of a sudden being queer became nothing more weird than having blue eyes? Not miss it, exactly, but it would definitely leave a gap in my life that I'm not used to dealing with. Morgana
I think this is why I have never identified as anything... because I think that no one will care and if anything they will care negatively. Other then myself and my own attractions/relationship, who cares? I am only at the beginning of my journey of self-reflection (and a lifetime of denial) so I don't really know what I am talking about, but I feel as though with bi/pan since we don't commit to a gender preference we also don't have to explain ourselves to anyone. hahha, does that sound like a cop out, because if yes I've been doing it all my life, hahaha.
Hi Aubrey! I'm bi too, and just recently "out" to many, working on my list.... I've always felt a little special/different/other because of my bisexuality. It's nice to see others here on EC having similar experiences. I still don't know another bisexual person in real life. I take pride in being bi and out. I'm also learning that it can (when positive) enrich relationships and help create new ones. It's been challenging coming out though, and I'm always aware that negative reactions can happen. It's been mostly positive so far for me. The "bisexual" label has always been a positive thing for me, it has helped me realize that being attracted to men and women is not a unique thing, that others are that way too. I'm happier now that I'm out, and the bi pride flag is special. Don't know if that helps, but thought I'd share. (*hug*)
Thank you all for your comments. I think it has helped. At least I know that I'm not alone in how I feel. And that is a comfort.
