Hey,Tonight, I came out to two close friends. One of them, we were just talking and he made an assumption of heterosexuality. I decided I was tired of caring. Just ran out of... cares to give. So I told him I'm bi. He was super supportive. So, feeling brave and emboldened by success, I came out to another friend. After establishing unwavering support moved on to talk about work and my recent move. It was totally an "I completely support you and care because you need me to, but it is a non-issue, so there is no reason to dwell upon it" kinda way. My friends are awesome. I feel great about coming out to them. But, I had a perfect opportunity to talk to my dad and didn't take it. He came to visit me for a while. Just us doing father daughter things. I was talking about how much I love the new place I'm in, I recently moved 1600 miles from home, and how much I wanted a fresh start. He asked why I needed one. He pointed out that I'd admitted my career was just starting and that I was just getting a good solid friend group. It was the perfect opportunity and I let it go. I'm not ready to come out to my mother, yet. I don't know if I ever will be. I don't think it is fair to ask one parent to keep a secret from the other (they are still together). I don't want the fight that is inevitable with my mother. "just choose the men you are attracted to" "where did I go wrong?" "I should have raised you with Jesus!". I can see it now. I'm fine with her not knowing. I haven't believed her love was unconditional since I was four and realized I was the favorite child. This isn't about my relationship with her, though. This is about my dad and me. I might not see him again; his health hasn't been good. He loves me, but I don't actually let him know me. I don't know if I did a good thing by not asking him to keep a secret from my mother, or a bad thing, by not letting him know his daughter.
Congratulations on coming out to your friends! I am in a similar status, I'm bi, and I have come out to friends here locally in Illinois, but not to parents or other relatives 700 miles away. I don't know if I have any advice for you on your parents, other than just be sure to tell them you love them, make sure they know. I think everything else is probably less important. (*hug*)
Hi klutz, that's awesome that you've come out to your friends!! Congratulations! It's completely understandable that you're nervous about coming out to your parents. My dad was the last person I told, 8 months after coming out to everyone else. Do you think they will likely be supportive or not? I think it helps to work on building your confidence as much as possible before coming out to them, so you feel strong. Write out some of the things you want to say just to sort your thoughts, try to prepare for questions they might ask. Otherwise, just tske a deep breath, and when you're ready, do it! You're going to do great!!
Before coming out, I knew my mom would accept me, she repeatedly told me so beforehand. Despite this though, it may have only made it just a tiny bit easier. I personally think its harder to tell your parents, even if you know they are accepting, because they've known you to only be a certain way your entire life. If you think your dad is trustworthy to not tell a secret, I think you should go for it but as others have said, just make sure you're ready when you do come out.
Thanks all, I know my dad would support me however he can. He won't understand, but he will still love me and let me know it. I wouldn't be surprised if I came out to my mom and got a "get straight or don't contact me" ultimatum. I want to tell my dad; I want to know that his love is unconditional. I don't want my mom to know, because I worry too much that her love has conditions and being straight is one of them. So, is it fair to tell my dad and expect him to keep it a secret from my mom? They are still together, so it isn't like they are divorced or anything.
Congrats on coming out to friends! I too found it very freeing and made me feel good. Still not out to close family though, I can empathise. When it feels right eh
