I used to think I had a flirting disability, til I hung out several years ago with a friend named Miranda. I could flirt with her. Historically, my closeted self would get depressed when I would drink at a party, because I would notice girls and flirt so much, and I didnt want to be gay. I haven't flirted much since I came out. A couple weeks ago at Renfair I got into a flirty conversation with a girl who worked there. Talked about the many alternative uses of discount costume weapons, such as opening your mail or just making your boots seem more awesome by having a dagger hilt sticking out the top. I ran out of things to say. ("Am I supposed to ask for her number?") She realized what was happening. We both just awkwardly shut up and walked in opposite directions. Relatively new coworker girl (I know, I know, dont shit where you eat) is soooo cute, and she wore this hawt looking dress today. I made some half assed flirting attempts, because, coworker, and im not sure what I want. I tried to fb messenger tonight a little bit, but she couldnt talk much because she was working at her otber job. How to do the flirting? How to keep flirting when the other person realizes you are flirting? What is the goal, like, where do I want to direct the conversation? How to flirt on text or messenger? I feel like I know way more about lady bits than I do about talking to a girl I like, which is backwards. Also, I have a lifetime of practicing to "just be friends" when I like a girl, so im not sure what good flirting skills I have trained out of myself.
I'm no expert but I'll try and answer! I find it easier it real life than via messenger etc. In real life I think lots of eye contact (I find that hot, and normally pretty intense, holding eye contact for just a few seconds more than normal), also lots of touching. For example, my crush and I were once watching a video on someone else's computer and she stood with her whole body touching mine. I wouldn't do that with someone I didn't like. Cute coworker...welcome to my world! Do you know if she is Bi/Lesbian? You could maybe try and get to know her better as a friend first? I guess you might direct the conversation to...do you want to go out for a drink/hang out sometime? I like joking with people and kind of teasing them about things, and having jokes that only the 2 of you get, stuff like that. Sorry, don't know if that was much help
Katchoo, it seems to me you're more advanced than I am, I'm not a great flirter. I do manage to do the eye contact thing that dirtyshirt mentioned, and banter. I love some good banter.
New coworker friend grew up with the first coworker friend I came out to. I may mention to girl #2 that I think girl #1 is so pretty, so see if she knows anything about the straightness level. I struggle with the long eye contact. Flirting with renfair girl, we were standing next to each other, facing forward like two old men talking about the crops. I can work on that.
Flirting is just being friendly, w someone u like. It can lead into seductive flirting, that has a romantic or sexual edge. It's a quick way to find out if someone likes u, according to their response. The less calculating, the better!
Ive had many years of trying real hard to not be gay and thus have a "just friends" vibe with the girls I have liked. What is the difference between being a nice, friendly person and flirting?
God, this is tough, right?! Last year I really liked a woman, but I don't think if you'd be able to tell from my body language. I mean, I was all over the place...I would only flirt via messenger, saying things like, "Wow, you're hot. Maybe you could teach me a thing or two." Then backtracking and saying "jk." In person, I went out of my way to avoid her. I wouldn't even walk along side of her in a parking lot, so as to avoid contact. We made a lot of eye contact, but I have no idea if she felt that way about me. LOL. It's confusing!
We often avoid those we like, and are attracted to... & act disinterested... it's all a defense, from being hurt - if we're rejected by someone we like. The difference between being friendly & flirting, is flirting has a sexual or romantic component, of wanting the other person to like you. Flirting is often a tease. In flirting, you don't tell someone they're gorgeous & you're attracted to them (unless you're really bold & confident)... when they have something new on, you might comment "Just get back from the Salvation Army?" Flirting often has a humorous element to it. It's an excuse to engage with them, to connect energies.
I have no idea on the flirting. And on top of that, I never know who is okay to flirt with and who isn't. I seem to be missing gay dar
Haha, I hope to use this to my advantage to handle rejection! For flirting despite gaydar. "It's not my fault they don't like me. Maybe they are just straight. Or maybe they aren't ready to come out yet, and they are overwhelmed by their feelings for me, and they arent really running away from me so much as running back into their closet."
I'm really not great at flirting. My gayday is getting slightly better. Kinda. Any tips, let me know!:lol:
