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A thought during Pride Season

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by OnTheHighway, Jun 9, 2016.

  1. OnTheHighway

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    I was walking this morning enjoying the crisp spring weather and passed by the US Embassy in London; hanging from the embassy were two pride flags symbolizing the start of Pride season in London and I have attached a pic below (it goes on for almost two weeks with numerous city wide events, festivals and ends with the parade).

    Looking at the flags got me thinking about what being gay means to me. After living a heteronormative script for a quarter of my life (its actually refreshing to think it only was a quarter of my life although it was a 19 year period), and being bound by the limits placed on me according to societal norms, being gay means not following the same path as others, albeit even a societal defined gay path, now that I have fully embraced myself as a gay man.

    Being true to myself means just that, being whom I was intended to be, regardless of the suggestion by others; even those within the LGBT community.

    There does seem to be somewhat of a homonormative script, if you allow, that so many within the LGBT community follow. Even when I initially came out, I used to ask myself - how do I live life being part of the gay community?

    Well, I have given a lot of thought about that and I have concluded that to be a gay man to me means to live my life the way I am supposed to live it, regardless of any norms that others might suggest or apply - whether gay or straight.

    There is no homonormative script to follow, there is no one way someone should live as part of the LGBT community. Forget all norms and just be yourself. Follow your heart, follow your head. Do what you think is right for you.

    Gay bars, gay sport leagues, gay pride events, social and dating apps, LGBT philanthropic causes, LGBT activism: all of these things are out there to enable all of us to feel a sense of community. And they do their intended purpose; they certainly have for me as I got on my own two feet. However, none of that should actually define whom you are as a person. Only you can define whom you are as a person.

    Walking by those flags this morning, I smiled and felt the pride. But I did not feel proud because I am part of the gay community; instead, I felt proud because I am now leading my life as I was intended to lead it, which just so happens to be as a gay man.

    Happy Pride everyone!
     

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  2. baristajedi

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    Happy Pride!!

    :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:

    Whst a great post, and a great reminder about the journeys we are all on, and the reason we have this month of Pride!!

    Thanks for this OTH. :slight_smile:
     
  3. SiennaFire

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    Thanks for posting this OnTheHighway!

    Your perspective really resonates with me. While at one point in my journey I posted that I was adopting a homonormative lifestyle, I've been backing away from that perspective as I spend more time being gay in real life. I'm beginning to realize there are no lifestyle rules as a gay man insofar as I don't have to live by the heteronormative/homonormative paradigm, which has been very liberating for me. I'm still learning how to express my authenticity in real life, and I am grateful that the events of the past year have given me the opportunity to do so.

    :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  4. 50ishandout

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    Excellent, very meaningful post.
     
  5. greatwhale

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    Excellent post, and a brilliant point with regard to identity. It serves no purpose to pretend to be one thing according to script (straight) to then switch to another script (gay).

    Nevertheless, I do believe there is an element of performance that is co-mingled with identity, and which manifests itself primarily when we are with others. I am reminded of Shakespeare's words from his play As You Like It:

    Another aspect of this is that we are what we love, that mysterious force that can change us in fundamental ways. I believe we are most ourselves when we are with those we want to associate with, so, in that sense, participation in LGBT community activities all by itself not only creates community, but the community creates us.
     
  6. EmH25

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    Exactly we are who we are supposed to be, and no matter what life throws at us, no one can take it from us!
     
  7. OnTheHighway

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    Those rumours about Shakespeare probably exist for a reason :lol:
    I love that line!