I'm struggling today. I'm in a straight marriage and my husband is a lovely chap. I managed to convince myself I was straight. I had no idea that humans were able to convince themselves of something so fully that they actually believe it for years. I have always fancied women and had intense crushes but always I think justified it as admiration. I came out as bisexual to my husband (and now probably about 10 friends know) about a year ago. I still believe this to be true to a certain extent as I still fancy men but I think now I have admitted this to myself I actually believe I am far more attracted to women. I love my husband but today I feel more than ever that I am with someone of the 'wrong' gender. Something just doesn't feel right. My husband is actually pansexual somewhat apparently also which he told me recently and has a much higher sex drive than me so we have recently been discussing the possibility of an open marriage. I'm just not sure this is what I want. I don't know what I want! This is so hard! Thanks for listening
Hey Kypso Sorry you are continuing to have a rough time with this. It sounds like both you and your husband have some similar sexuality issues going on. Have you thought about maybe not making this such a serious thing? I think some of us look at a diagnosis of gay, bisexual, pansexual or whatever almost as if it is an illness rather than an understanding. Can you get some humor in this with your husband? Since I was a kid my parents taught me to look at absurdity and humor in everything and try not to take myself too seriously. Maybe step outside yourselves and say "really?...this now?...what a joke" and then figure out how to make it part of your lives rather than look at it as a loss.
Hi Nickw, Thanks for your reply Yes we often have fun with it and are very open with it and joke about. I think if I am honest, I am more gay than I am letting on but coming to terms with this new information. I felt so free coming out but now I feel I haven't been true to myself again...
Being true to yourself means that you accept new information about yourself too. Wouldn't life be boring if we couldn't look at ourselves once in a while and say "I didn't know that about myself...oh well". Your sexuality could be fluid too. I know mine is. Continue to have fun with your husband...that's really cool!
Do you feel the *wrong* about you relationship with your husband is sexual, romantic, in the day to day stuff, or some combination?
I'm sorry it's such a struggle. I know the feeling all too well. Sexuality really is a fluid thing I convinced myself for years I was straight and then in my early 20's I managed to accept myself as bi sexual. But after being married for years and the lack of intimacy in my marriage (my wife says she's asexual) I found myself leaning far more towards the gay end of the spectrum. I plan on coming out to her this weekend which has been a massive struggle for me to get to this point. But ultimately I had to realize I need to be true to myself and be happy. In order to bring happiness to others, because lately I've been a miserable person to be around and I feel I'm pushing my family away one way or another. I hope things get better for you and you are able to figure things out. We are all hear for you.(*hug*)(*hug*)
Thanks folks Hope it goes well for you this weekend Bluesteel. Kachoo - I think it is sexually. He is a lovely person and love spending time with him. I think mostly I am craving actually being with a woman *Confused*.....again....
