So guys, I want to build a collection of easily understood, casual, maybe quippy, things to throw out in casual conversations that communicate that I'm queer. So I'll use my work colleagues (at my new job) as an example, but this could extend into other circumstances. Basically, I'm not interested in being closeted, and prefer to have it out there because it makes me feel more free; but when you have a husband, and that comes up in conversation, because of course it does, saying you are queer requires some other casual reference. It would be so easy to say "my ex girlfriend"....but I've never had one. Celebrity crush...I'm not on that level of comfort with my coworkers yet. Yesterday I had the perfect opportunity, after a work BBQ, I walked back to the bus stop with my coworker, and she was talking about being able to finally get married to her wife because it's been legalised. I could have slipped in, "as someone who's not straight that was something I was following closely too". But, I didn't think of that until today, and frankly that seems a bit long winded anyway. Any thoughts? Ideas?
If that topic does come up again, maybe something like "I'm glad I could marry a woman." You might want to throw in "theoretically" or "if I weren't already married," depending on how you view that. Then again that's still a bit long-winded and maybe not phrased so well... I know how you feel. I also have no ex-girlfriend and my few celebrity crushes are men, but I'm definitely not straight and actually can't really picture being with a man anymore in real life, though I suppose it could still happen. But it's extremely hard to work it into conversation. I once told some people at work I wanted a wife (it made a little more sense in context) but they assumed I was joking.
I don't have much advice unfortunately but I'm in pretty much the same situation so I'm interested to hear others thoughts! I could say ex-girlfriend and maybe I should as it might be the easiest way...and wait for the confused look on people's faces I'd feel a bit awkward saying that with co-workers I think since I've worked there a while and never mentioned it before. Not that I've talked much about any of my ex's. I too often think of things I could have said after the fact, which is not really helpful. I was thinking lately...do you think it is ok to say 'I'm not straight' without quantifying any further? I think I would find it so much easier to say than 'I'm bisexual' for some reason. Like is it necessary to add a label and give an explanation?
I've said something along the lines of, "I had *such* a crush on her" which surprisingly didn't seem to get the point across. I try my best to make sure I don't use heteronormative language, which is a small thing and shouldn't be as unique as it seems to be. At work, I've made sure I'm an involved and vocal supporter of any policies or actions that support LGBTQIA+ students and staff. Sometimes it's these tiny differences that get people wondering. I figure if they wonder, they might ask. And, if they ask, I'll share my truth.
I flirt a lot and flirting with other women is usually a pretty good give away. Also pointing out how attractive you find another woman Is another easy thing to to.
"OMG I like chicks, too. I like them alllllllll. Sometimes with syrup." No? Too much? Sorry, that's me being silly and weird. Just ignore that
Some days I feel like the only way people will get it is if I tattoo LESBIAN across my forehead. I do throw in things like "this woman I was dating...." here and there, bit some still don't get it. Even when I was dating a woman, she had a unisex name, so when I'd use feminine pronouns, I'd get corrected, as if I didn't know what kind of genitals I was having sex with. "No, seriously, people, you don't have to tell me that she is a he, I've eaten her out" probably wouldn't be a good response.
I'd like to know too, as I'd like to drop some hints. I'm really tempted, when the girls are talking about boys to just be like "Hey, I like boys too! Where's the whipped cream?" But I think THAT might be too much. lol
I'm in the same boat. Not that I feel like I have to declare my non straightness but the assumptions can be a bit tiresome. If someone point blank says I'm straight I correct but otherwise I don't know. I can't use the celeb crush or general "he/she's hot" route. Maybe I should get one of those shirts... When some women ask if I have a boyfriend and I say no, they'll say "don't get one!" So I reply "ok!' Next time I think I'll add "On to girls then!"
Thanks for all of your suggestions everyone! I think that some of this I'm not comfortable to do at work - flirting, talking about girls I'm crushing on, etc. Joking is a tricky one. It doesn't seem very serious and may be shrugged off, but I think this might be the best path...because the goal isn't to blast to the whole company "I'm queer!" It's just a mechanism for me to be comfortable being me. So if I need clarity, perhaps I can add clarity. I think part of this is me craving community (the more out I am, the easier to connect with other LGBT friends), part of it is wanting to be visible, part is wanting to just be me. I suppose if I'm talking to someone who is LGBT I can make it more direct. Wanderingmind - I like your advice to avoid heteronormative language and get involved in LGBT+ causes.... ---------- Post added 14th Jun 2016 at 09:40 AM ---------- Oh and ha - I just ordered a shirt that says "I like girls".....will that be clear enough????
