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About that coming out thing...cluster's reflections and ramblings.

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by BrookeVL, Jun 13, 2016.

  1. BrookeVL

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    So this whole tragedy in Orlando has made me realize I don't want to hide anymore. That and having a guy I'm setting up a date with. It's time to be an out and proud bisexual and own it. In order to do that, I need to come out to my family, so I've decided to at least set the wheels in motion....

    I wanted to do it at dinner, because it looked like it was going to be just me and my parents, but my brother came home. Too many people to tell at once. I freaked and chickened out. I'm hoping I'll be able to get mom alone so I can at least come out to her, though I'd prefer to get my parents out of the way together. Dad isn't home.

    I want to tell my siblings separately. I was going to text my sister, since she doesn't live here, but I couldn't even start the text......I almost said it at dinner anyway, but didn't. Couldn't. Maybe tomorrow.....
     
  2. caliwoman

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    Cluster, you have courage that I do not yet possess. How do you anticipate your family reacting?
     
  3. Bluesteel

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    Congratulations for having the courage to take such a big step I know how hard it is. Just don't feel discouraged when you plan to tell someone and it doesn't happen. I set a date to tell my wife this past weekend and I couldn't go through with it. This whole coming out thing is a struggle. I hope all goes well with you and your family.:thumbsup:
     
  4. BrookeVL

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    You'll get there Cali, don't worry.:slight_smile:

    Honestly I think they'll be a bit shocked. Though I kinda suspect they might think somethings up, as I'm pretty sure they've both seen me browsing here. I also tend to not use gendered pronouns when talking about hypothetical significant others often. I do think they'll be somewhat accepting though. They don't really hate LGBTQ+ people, so much as they're just uncomfortable with it.....

    My sister did ask a couple years ago what they'd do if one of us ends up being gay, and their response was "We wouldn't be thrilled but we'd still love you the same." I believe them, but there's a difference between a hypothetical situation, and it actually happening...still though, I give them the benefit of the doubt.
     
  5. Nickw

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    I know how hard it is to keep a date coming out. Through the years I had several times where I thought I would do it. But, there was always something in my life, or my wife's, that came up. When I finally came out to her, I just said "Ef it, here goes". It wasn't the best time either but waiting just became too painful.

    I still have some family that I would like to tell, so I continue to feel your pain in trying to pick the best time and way. And, I have no idea how, or what, to tell my friends.
     
  6. Adray

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    You are going to do great, Cluster! (*hug*)
     
  7. BrookeVL

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    @Bluesteel: It doesn't really discourage me, but it IS frustrating. It is a struggle, which is why I want to do my part to make sure that future generations don't have to. How nice would it be if everyone could just date/marry/fuck whomever they want and it didn't matter to anyone?

    @NickW: I have actually told some of my friends. After my family, I'll probably just make a big old Facebook post so I don't need to tell everyone individually. :lol:

    @Adray: Thanks!(*hug*)
     
  8. baristajedi

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    Cluster, you're going to do great!!! Deep breaths. Just one word at a time.
     
  9. BrookeVL

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    Thanks Barista! I know I will.

    My Mom has posted some things to FB that give me lots of hope. I think things will be okay! It might be awkward for a bit, but ultimately I think things will just stay the same. Only difference is I'll be out, and don't have to hide who I'm dating from them.

    I really, REALLY feel today is the day. Though I also felt like this yesterday before they got home so....
     
  10. baristajedi

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    It's ok, just go with your instincts. Maybe have a bit of wine to take the edge off before they get home. Do you have any music playlists that will inspire you to gather your courage?
     
  11. caliwoman

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    Good luck, my friend!!
     
  12. BrookeVL

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    I actually don't like wine...I really don't have any playlists other than the one I used to listen to at the gym before I lost my iPod...maybe I should make one? Most of my songs aren't really all that inspirational though...

    And thanks Cali!(*hug*)
     
  13. baristajedi

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    How do you pump yourself up for something usually? Music works best for me. I always have to have a strategy. :slight_smile:
     
  14. BrookeVL

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    I'm giving myself a little pep talk in my head. That usually works. Also music.:icon_wink
     
  15. baristajedi

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    You've got this cluster!! You're so gonna rock this!!!
     
  16. BrookeVL

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    Someday....didn't do it at dinner again. Tomorrow's another day.:rolle:
     
  17. yuanzi

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    It is okay. It took me 10 fricking years to come out to my family lol I did not have the intense urge to tell my family the first 6-7 years though. The urge got stronger and stronger in recent years as I felt my mental state was plummeting down the rabbit hole. Oh well.
     
  18. baristajedi

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    It's ok, st some point you will just push the words out, and you'll do it. Get some rest and try again another time.

    Do you think it might help to tell them ahead of time that you want to talk a bit? Maybe that will kind of make it easier to lead into it?
     
    #18 baristajedi, Jun 14, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2016
  19. BrookeVL

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    I was actually thinking of doing that, as leading into it is so far my biggest problem.

    I'd really like to do it tomorrow, so I can tell my date on Thursday that I'm out, when the subject comes up. And also so maybe I don't have to hide what I'm doing and why I'm not coming home after work...
     
  20. baristajedi

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    :slight_smile: I think it's great. You don't have to make it seem like s big scary conversation is approaching, maybe just kind of, "I have something I was hoping to share with you a little later today/tomorrow, and get your support on it. Everything is fine, I just hope we can talk a bit."