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How will I know I am ready to come out?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by sabrinaa, Jun 13, 2016.

  1. sabrinaa

    Regular Member

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    So a few days ago I was ready to come out to my friend. We have been talking about LGBTQ+ things lately. We are going to pride and she seems to really support it and I feel like she would be okay if I came out to her. I got the urge to come out to her and just simply tell her "I like girls".

    I honestly don't know if I still like boys or not, but I know I like girls. Before I realized my interest in girls might be something more than curiosity I was okay with people pairing me up with boys. Once I accepted I like girls for real, it has been getting harder and harder to hear someone mention my future husband or boyfriend, etc. It just kind of makes me sick when I hear it. Not that boys make me sick, it's just...it kind of feels as if my favorite color is red and people keep saying it is yellow and I don't correct them. I can't say anything about it even though it is really starting to bother me. I just kind of want to tell people I like girls just so they can STOP trying to pair me up with boys or asking if I think someone is cute! I don't care if a boy is cute or not! I think that GIRL is hot!

    Sorry, anyway I got the urge to tell her recently and I decided to wait until we were alone to tell her and once the time came I no longer had the urge to tell her. I got scared and decided to not tell her. I was once again okay with her not knowing even though her not knowing really bothered be only a few hours ago.

    My question is how do you know it's the right time? Did I just chicken out? should I have done it or should I wait until I know for sure?

    Also, to be honest I still have doubts about my orientation only because I have never been with a man or woman so I am afraid I could be wrong. I just don't really know what to do. Right now, I feel pretty confidant I like women and I have not really cared about men recently, but what if that changes? How did you know it was the right time to come out?
     
  2. PlaidGlove

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    There's no right or wrong time to come out. It's your sexuality. You decide when you're ready. So when you decide you're ready, you're ready.
     
  3. RosePetals76

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    I think everyone has their own time that coming out is right. Having a close friend that you can talk to is important, so you probably should come out to someone. If you're going to Pride with her, is it because she is a lesbian or bi, etc? If so, wouldn't she understand? You don't have to declare your sexuality or label it at all. I've changed my label a few times, but I don't think it'll change again. (I think at 34, I finally figured it out!)

    It's hard to know if you'll prefer a man or woman until you've been with both. Or maybe you don't prefer any.

    I know I married a man because I felt I was supposed to, so I convinced myself I liked men. After our divorce (not orientation related) I tried to date men and couldn't. I wasn't attracted to any at all, but I also didn't date women. It took me 6 years to decide that's what I should do. I'd hidden my feelings for women for so many years, I wasn't sure I liked them, either. Maybe I was asexual. But I did think a few women were attractive, so I decided to try it.

    Oh, yeah, about that trying women thing. I figured out my sexuality really quickly! No wonder I didn't want to date men. I'd always wondered if after so many years with a man if I could live life without straight sex again. It took one night with a woman to tell me yes. In fact, I think I'd prefer it that way.

    Do your own thing. If someone seems worth dating, date them. Doesn't matter if it's a man or woman. Don't restrict yourself to anything except what feels right at the time. That includes coming out. I came out because I was excited about the woman I was dating. Maybe that's when you'll want to come out, too. Maybe you need to tell someone now so you feel the support you need.
     
  4. SecretLilCj21

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    Different people they have different experiences. For some they just get so tired of keeping it in and when they think "fuck it" they are probably ready to just throw it out there. For me I had finally figured things out and I felt like my friends should know so I wouldn't have the same problem as you and I just came out, it wasn't that hard. It sounds like in that moment you were ready to come out, but it's understandable that you would be too anxious to go through with it. I have done that multiple times. You just think it through and take as much time as you want/need.
     
    #4 SecretLilCj21, Jun 13, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2016