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Doubts

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by LostInDaydreams, Jun 14, 2016.

  1. LostInDaydreams

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    I've been really doubting myself over the weekend. Thinking that I've made it all up.

    I don't feel that I'm questioning anymore, or at least, not in the same way that I was a few weeks ago. I know that I find women more attractive than men, and probably, that I always have.

    However, I can't envision that as part of my life. I mean, I can imagine being in a relationship with a woman when it's just the two of us, but throw in days out with my parents, for example, and I just can't see it. The idea of coming out to anyone causes me to doubt myself. It just doesn't fit with who I am and life that I've created, and I don't know that anyone would believe me.

    Until recently, I've enjoyed imaging myself in relationships with women, as an escape from my current situation, and found the prospect exciting. But, I've always thought about it as if in another lifetime, does that makes sense? Now that I'm considering the reality, it's daunting, with potentially a lot of unhappiness. I almost wish I could forget about it all.

    I'm stuck for the moment anyway, but I think I would be nice if I had somebody I could talk to in real life.
     
  2. Justasking100

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    I totally understand. I think it's part of the bargaining part of the process. In that situation we just have to be brave and keep on focussing about the end goal which is being comfortable with yourself and sexuality. This takes guts. Keep going.
     
  3. xenu

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    I have been going though some similar stuff lately. While I am getting a bit more sexually experienced with guys, I'm starting to remember all my early life crushes were on women. I never suspected I would like guys too until I was in high school. So yeah, I am having my doubts about how far along this path I really want to go.
     
  4. bright skies

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    I can understand how you feel, it's a shame we even have to think about how different it is to come out or be with someone behind closed doors.

    My experience is that I fell head over heels in love with a gay woman I became friends with despite being in a very long relationship with children. I'd never kissed another woman or ever discussed with anyone that I had fantasised about women. So I came to a cross roads in my life which I'm kind of still at and with that I had to think about leaving my partner and being with this woman. I came out about this relationship to a couple of close friends, told my partner I was confused about my sexuality and even once kissed this woman in front of her gay friends. This was massive for me but what I'm trying to say is if you really fall for someone all you really care about is being with them, your love for them over takes any concerns about how other people see your relationship. I'm pretty sure if I didn't have children and felt like I couldn't hurt my long term partner by leaving him then I'd be with her and out and proud. I still don't even know what my sexuality is really this has all happened in a year.