Gay and fallen for a woman - HELP!

Hi there whatnow. Perhaps you are bisexual? Maybe just a bit bisexual....she could be one of the few women that really draw you to her.

I think, just take it slowly. It doesn't have to be a crisis in identity, labels are only there to approximate our descriptions of our self. So it could be you're pretty much gay, except.... You get the idea.

 

I guess it depends on what else is happening in your life... Are you in a relationship with anyone right now?

If you're single, then j suppose it depends on whether you feel like being with a woman might eventually not be enough... I would say take it slowly. Go with it if it feels good, explore these feelings.

But, I think if you think it might go further, into something more serious, you should go into the relationship with honesty. Both to yourself and to her. For example, consider thst you might need men in your life, perhaps an open relationship somewhere down the line. Only you know what you need. But just try to go into it with open eyes.

 

I have nothing to say other than: Yes, to BaristaJedi you listen.

 

How can you say you don't even know if she likes you? She chose to spend time with you on several different days, talked to you via Skype several times.

It seems to me that pursuing this attraction requires that you redefine yourself, and that's always scary, but I would suggest that this means simply broadening your gender identity, not discarding who you already are.

Above all, if you want a romantic relationship with her ask yourself if it could possibly work if you weren't completely 'out' with her. Any relationship based on deception is doomed to failure, don't you agree? Looked at another way, if she can't accept all of who you are, you don't want her anyway, do you? I hope not.

 

I recently met a partnered gay man who was falling in love with a woman (he's poly and in an open relationship). So yes, it's possible that as a gay man you can fall in love with a woman, assuming you fall somewhere in the Kinsey 4-5 range.

The pertinent question is what do you want from the relationship?

Once you figure that out, you could approach her. I think being fairly transparent about your situation is best, though I would wait to disclose that you are gay until things get a little more serious and you start talking about "us".

Bottom line: Why not go for it and see what happens? Otherwise you'll wonder for the rest of your life.

 

Knowing I have that one man that I was in love with, and dare I say even attracted to, really held me back from even accepting that I'm a lesbian for quite a long time. But it's very true that even those of us that are gay can attract to a person of the opposite sex. It's why I call myself a Kinsey 4.8. Definitely lesbian, but capable of falling for a man. If you want to chase after her, go right ahead.

 

I fell in love with a girl once. At the time I was still in denial about the fact that I was gay. but I genuinely couldn't stop thinking about her. We were dance-class partners, and I loved holding her, and I loved how comfortable she felt in my arms, and I loved her smile, her voice, she was on my mind when I went to sleep, and when I woke up.

I'm messed up so I didn't even attempt to make my feelings clear, but I am kinda glad I didnt. All these times I thought about her, with love, affection, and admiration - I could never bring myself to think of her sexually. Sure I admired her physical features, but it didn't arouse me. The thought of making love to her felt completely forbidden to me, perhaps because I sub-consciously knew the magic wouldn't exist in that fantasy.

On the flip-side, if it were a guy, I would see my fantasy through to complete conclusion lol::icon_redf)

So my question to Mr Poster - I know you said you like her ass - but is there genuine sexual attraction there, or do you feel it's a little forced?

If it is forced, consider how 'hungry' you might become for male contact once you realise that the woman you are with doesn't have all the bells and whistles that turn you on. I am being serious here - sexual attraction is important on both sides of the relationship - and unless you are asexual you may potentially struggle with this, which could lead to an unhappy end to the relationship.

Sorry to be the anti-cheerleader, (I chose to date a girl who I thought i was really into, until a couple of weeks in I realised that while I adored her, there was no sexual chemistry, and it actually intensified my attraction to men, wanting something that was now out-of-reach).

 

I don't think you tell your feelings through friends...too high school.

As a bisexual, in a marriage were I hid it from my wife for thirty years, I think that full disclosure is the way I would go. There is nothing wrong with telling her that you find her desirable and it is a new feeling for you. OMG would I feel good if someone told me that!

As far as long term...don't overthink it now. As Siennafire mentioned we all have different needs in a relationship and you may find that yours do mesh. As a side...my wife told me she had always pictured herself growing old with a gay guy and then met me instead! Her gaydar sucked! Some women's needs can be satisfied with this sort of relationship. You will need to learn if yours can too. But, it can be fun learning!

 

I missed that she is gay or maybe bi. Hmmm.

This should make it easier to just have that frank discussion. Since both of you have explored your sexuality in the past individually, I would think that this might be a very natural conversation.

What is the downside of getting this all out in the open with her? You both sound open and accepting; which is what you will need to make it work. The worst that can happen is that you just remain friends. It could possibly just turn into a safe fling for both of you too. Is that all bad?

 

No reason to feel down is there? Sexual and romantic attractions are supposed to feel good! I think it is great that you are open enough that you allow yourself to feel this way. If the shoe were on the other foot, what would you say to a straight guy that just met the only man he ever had feelings for, was single, and open to his feelings?

When I was 21, I knew I was bi and freaked out. Broke up with my fiancé and decided to play the "full" field. First thing I did was run into a woman that I started a FWB deal. Then after a couple years, fell in love. Thirty years later the feelings for her get deeper by the year. So, sometimes you just go with it...you know?

 

Straight people have the occasional gay crush.. Gay people are probably the same

 

Agreed. Far more important than questioning your sexuality...you're far from the first man to be certain he's gay and then fall in love with a woman (and the same happens equally often with lesbians, and with straight people falling for the same sex)...accept that sexuality is complicated and move on.

But to what?? *This* is why SiennaFire's question is so important! I find it noteworthy that you've addressed everyone else on this thread...but not this.

 

Well, it's crappy that those "friends" are completely unsympathetic.

Here's a thought. Could that woman be one of those cases of the amateur "gay conversion therapists," or women who delight in trying to "convert" gay guys? This has the benefit of proving to them how sexually desirable they are. After all, if a gay male will fall for them then they must be hot stuff. And lesbians will testify that this also works in reverse--guys who think they are hot stuff, if the lesbians switch sides for them.

Could it really be that creepy and sociopathic? If so, then you have my deepest sympathy. Could I suggest a therapist or someone like that to talk to? And your "friends," well they should go back and repeat that course, "Gay Community 101," where one learns the definition of that word, "community" which involves more than being a slogan.