Almost afraid to go to bed.....The Orlando Tragedy

I've felt extra tense, emotional. I don't feel like there's anyone around me who gets how vulnerable it's made me feel. I hope you sleep deep without dreams. Hugs.

 

Not afraid, I've just been a little sad. I mean I'll be laughing and joking and messing around like normal. Then I feel melancholy, it just feels wrong to be too happy with what happened. Eventually I'll feel completely normal but I won't forget this, like Paris, Brussels, the twin towers, the earthquakes in Japan, the multiple school shootings, I could go on but I'd rather not. Point is it'll stick with me for as long as I'm breathing.

I'm sorry for your troubles. Do you have someone o talk to personally about how you feel? If not please vent here if it eases your mind at all. Try to think of positive things before you sleep, and relax anyway you can. Its understandable to be upset right now but you need to stay strong for yourself.

I also wish you peaceful sleep(*hug*)

 

I've been struggling to cope over the last few days. It feels as if I can't really calm down and yesterday I had a fever out of nowhere. Part of the problem is how alone I feel right now, the lack of acceptance by my family means that I have no one close to me to talk to and no one would accept that I could be effected so badly by an event that happened on the other side of the world. This whole event seems to have been extremely triggering for me, I feel so helpless and lost.

 

Yeah same here, I'll get all happy and then I would start thinking about what happened in Orlando and I feel like I can't be happy when everyone is in grief or in mourning. Like I can't be happy until they're happy.

 

I'm hurting deeply with this too. And I also feel like it's not felt quite as deeply by those around me. And it's hard to do the small talk and normal everyday stuff.

I'm going to a vigil tonight. I think that will be cathartic.

I wish you peace and sleep.

 

I and my BF will be going on a vigil organized by our pride committee tomorrow evening, it is an absolute necessity for us to come together as never before.

 

I haven't been able to stop thinking about Pulse. I was out Saturday night after Boston Pride. Woke up about 5 am Sunday morning and checked my phone. Since then I just can't get the poor kids out of my head.

They were for the most part so young with so much life ahead of them. Now they are our Guardian Angels.

The survivors will never be the same. Their lives are changed forever.

Such a senseless tragedy.

 

I'm just coming home from a vigil in my city, and that is what struck me most, just how young some of the folks in the club were, 18! There was an 18 year old, a 19 year old, and so many in their early 20s. The senselessness of these kids, who had so much ahead of them, losing their lives. It's so overwhelmingly heartbreaking.

 

I had a really hard day Sunday, and an even harder one on Monday. On Sunday after I heard the news, I was anxious about leaving the house. I didn't want to go anywhere. I remember walking through the grocery store eyeing every single person around me. Monday I was less tense and really just sad, and, yes, I did cry a few times during the day. The scale of what happened and how targeted it was toward people like me has really done me in.

I don't want to say that I'm doing "better" now, but I feel more in control of my own situation, even a bit empowered. I came out to a new person yesterday, and that was a really huge step for me. It was like I wanted to show myself that I can still live as a gay man.

There is actually going to be a vigil near me this week; I don't know how much good it will do, but I am planning on going.

 

I've been alternately angry and sad. I've mellowed in my later years, and it take more to really get me angry these days. What did it wasn't the incident itself. That was bad enough but then to see the horrible people out there celebrating and posting congratulatory comments... that was too much.

I have many good friends to whom I've spoken, including my wife and my mother. It's helped, and continues to help. I try not to dwell on it, but there's a fine line between not wanted to forget about it, and dwelling on it in a not-so-healthy way.

I don't want it to happen to me, but I refuse... utterly, categorically, in no uncertain terms, refuse to live in fear. My wife and I are going to go out this weekend, hopefully with friends, and I'm going to be dolled up, made up, and looking sexy.

Wish us well, my friends!

Morgana

 

I haven't been feeling okay either. I feel like I've been attacked as well. The rest of you probably do too. The people behind this shooting have just made strong enemies of the gay community. From now on we all have to be alert and stand strong. Yeah the fear is real, very real. I've never been so upset over a shooting before. 50 of our brothers and sisters are gone...just like that. But the rest of us will carry on and fight for their memory and get justice for them. There we go..a little morning pep talk ^^ I hope that helped some of you.

 

Love this:

 

This brought tears to my eyes, it's powerful. And now I've posted this on my Facebook.

 

That image is AWESOME!

 

That image is aces! In spite of everything I keep seeing more and more people coming out. After this attack based on fear and hate people are showing courage and resolve more than ever. Its probably one of the best ways of fighting back.

On a second note, I'm no where near moving past this, but I don't feel so dismal about things. I feel like I should do something personal to honor the victims but I don't know what.

 

My sleep has been shitty and all over the place lately. Avoiding sleep til 4, 5, or 6 is getting normal. Wonder if the evil world is part of why.