Help, help, SOS. Since the shooting, I am rallying the gay and anti-assault rifle cause like a freaking fiend. I feel like I really want to come out to everyone. If anyone saw my Twitter, and people definitely can, they'd either think I was super supportive and a democrat or possibly gay. I can't say I'm 100% gay -- I comfortably identify as queer, or lesbiqueer because I don't know. I seriously barely look at guys or think about them now. I definitely look at them and think they're attractive, but all I dream about are hot androgynous girls. I don't know what to do and feel really conflicted. I think I'm just wanting to come out because emotions are so heightened right now. I bet if I came out, I'd regret it the next morning in some capacity, but I'm not sure why. I want it to be out there that I may date women someday. I want to proudly stand with the LGBTQ+ community right now (and am, but it's only a supportive friend type of stand, not an, I'm one of you stand). I feel proud to be a part of it, and I want to stand with them out and not quietly because there is power in numbers to stomp on the universal prejudice that caused this. I think I'm just being too in the moment right now, but I keep having to bite my tongue with coming out. I don't know if I should or shouldn't. Ugh! So frustrating... #ImHereImQueer
I bet once you're fully out, you won't regret it. I refer to myself as being out, but I'm not vocal yet, so there's probably a few (or many more) people that still assume I'm straight, but this shooting has made me want to say more and be fully out there, too. I've posted more, commented more, and referred to myself as being part of the community, but still not enough guts to say it outright on social media. If anyone talks in person with me I'm quite forthright, though.
I've been having a lot of the same feelings, so I understand completely. Still haven't come out to my family, but we'll get there, both of us.
@Rosepetals -- I'm out to most of my friends, but only my mom otherwise and I'm pretty close with my family...really close. It bothers me that they don't know this thing about me. It's not a huge deal, and a stubborn part of me is like, "I shouldn't have to tell them!" I think they should know who I really am, though. I don't know... I can't explain it. @Cluster -- <3 Anyway, this is my plan!! I came up with it a little while ago. I'm going to come out to random people that I don't have close ties with. I'm already starting the process I joked with my friend that I'm just going to start messaging random people that I'm not friends with/picking people from the yellow pages and come out to them. Just to start saying it to other people. Because even though I "like" and vocally sound off about this stuff, I am hiding... I don't just say who I am or have people know who I am. It's not like my sexuality defines me, but possibly dating/marrying a woman is my reality, and I don't want to feel like I have to hide it anymore. I'm starting the process! It's weird, lol.
I totally understand. I think this has been an emotional week and I think a lot of people have come out this week because of/as a reaction too what happened it Orlando. As I told you I came out to my crush and she was super supportive and said she said she understood how hard it must have been to read about what happened and not be as open about it. Because this is our community that has been attacked and its personal for us all and we want to stand up and tell the world how proud we are to be part of it. So if I can do it, you can definitely do it! I don't think you would regret it by the way, and I don't think labels really matter, although they have their uses. They can change over time and thats ok. I love the hashtag. #ImHereImQueer
They probably already do. Almost every person I am close to that I said I was dating a woman responded with "its about time, we've been suspecting that for years!" Seriously, why didn't they tell me? I didn't realize how bad it was. I do have a close friend that was the one who initally pointed it out to me, though. It went something like this... "Hey, look at this guy, isn't he hot?!" Me: "meh, not my type." Her: "Do you even have type of man? I mean, you will say a woman is gorgeous, but I've never heard you say it about any man. Ever." Me: "Well, um.... I don't know." Never could come up with one. Joined a dating site looking for women about a month later. Dated my first woman and was like, "oh, this is why I'm not interested in men!" Haha. Sometimes our family and friends notice things about us that we can't even see ourselves.
@rosepetal--- I don't know. I think my family will be really surprised. I'd actually be relieved if some of them had an idea Maybe one or two might, but I'm really not sure. I've always had boyfriends and brought them home, plus present femme always, so... idk. Update: I have told three random people, and it's REALLY FREAKING HARD! No wonder I've been keeping it to myself! They're random as fuck and barely mean anything to my life (accept for one that I used to be good friends with and is also gay), but I'm shaking a little and feel a tiny bit nauseous. UGH. ---------- Post added 16th Jun 2016 at 02:23 PM ---------- You know what... I'm not feeling that super happy feeling people say they have when they tell people. Does that mean I'm not ready?? ---------- Post added 16th Jun 2016 at 02:25 PM ---------- Yup... here comes the, "maybe you don't feel good about telling people because you're not gay," questioning. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
I didn't have the immediate relief, but it came in small amounts in the week(s) afterward. The initial was more like a racing heart and lump in throat feeling. I questioned if that meant I was unsure, too. I couldn't refer to myself as a lesbian for the first few weeks, and struggled to accept the term. Now I'm cool with it. I'm starting to feel like I don't have to whisper it anymore. (BTW, who the hell taught me that's what you're supposed to do?)
I don't feel that bad anymore. I'm happy that I told them and realized that my mind isn't trying to question itself in a real (well, damaging) way. Still feeling pretty damn gay!! That makes me feel secure in my feelings
I know I promised I would, but I haven't random messaged anyone yet....I'm sorry, I told you I'd do this with you, and I've let you down.
It's okay, Cluster! My people barely counted. Do things when you're good and ready. Then we can do some more together
