I swear to God, if one more person calls my wife my 'friend' I'm going to lose my ever-loving mind! She ain't my friend!!! WE'RE MARRIED SHE'S MY WIFE! SEE THE RING!? WE'RE HOLDING HANDS AND CALLING EACH OTHER HONEY! "You and your uh...friend..." Yeah...say it again. I DARE YOU!!! RAAAWR!
I can imagine how frustrating and invalidating that must feel. Next time, you should do the same in return. "And how long have you been married to your friend? My friend and I have been married for a year."
yep it happens to alot of us. Ive had that Problem for the past 8 years now. It just never Ends. I was takeing german classes here in Germany and i was like (Name) is my wife and the teacher kept being like no she is your friend and i was like gaaahhh! dont you get it im a freaking lesbian... My wife dropped me off at class one time before that and when she left i gave her a good Long kiss on the lips and we hold Hands too and what not. It is just so frustrating sometimes. I totally know how you feel!
My ex-wife's cousin, a lesbian, has been with her partner for years, certainly more than a decade, her mother still refers to her partner as her friend...I know exactly what you mean, she shared with me how invalidating it was for her partner. My BF is meeting my mother this weekend, it will be interesting to see what she calls him...and if if is "your friend", I will have no hesitation in correcting her immediately.
It wouldn't be so bad if it was an honest mistake. But I've corrected the people at our apartment complex office several times. Every time we come in together for rent or what not they're STILL doing it. And we're obviously together. So when it's purposeful like that, it really hurts.
That's fine and all, but what about the minefield the other person might feel? I live in a PC place where the word "wife" evokes a lot of feminist rage. Some people use different terminology. Is there some kind of communication magic that you could use to make your default choice clear? Absent that, a correction would be welcome, and I wouldn't be offended.
My sister's partner bristled at "wife". Because she saw that as ownership. So, I had to be pretty careful. I now am starting to call my wife. My "opposite sex partner". So far just get a very strange look. My brother used to show up with his "friend". He was not out. We all knew but it was hard for us to say boyfriend. Even after he came out, it was difficult to remember to be more respectful. I think some people just don't know what to say. I would politely correct them...the first time. After that I would just turn it around. Call your Dad your Mom's friend!
I've repeatedly introduced my wife as "my wife" to these people on multiple occasions. They know what they're saying to me at this point.
Well, you can tell them off if they are worth the effort. I take the attitude that if I agreed with people like that must be doing something wrong! My Grandparents took decades to call my wife my wife because we weren't married Catholic. Ef em!
Repeat offender: "...your friend..." You: "My friend? Oh! You mean my wife. I got confused because I do have friends but I don't sleep with them."
This must be so frustrating. Unfortunately my boyfriend/partner refers to same-sex couples as 'special friends'. It's one of the reasons why I'd never discuss my questioning with him.
I feel guilty right now because when I date women and I talk about them, especially to my children, I refer to them as "my friend". It's so hard to say "the woman I'm dating" and girlfriend implies more commitment than has been there. But when it comes to girlfriend or wife, I think I use the right word. Maybe. I'm starting to realize how many "hide it away" type things have been ingrained into me without me ever noticing. No wonder I spent 20 years in the closet. Ugh.
RosePetals, I think it's different with children. I would be the same with my daughter; regardless of gender, any new partner would probably be introduced as 'my friend' until she was comfortable with the idea.
