Hi. So, I am in a place within my life that makes absolutely zero sense, yet at the same time it feels familiar. I am in my early 30's, have a child and married to a man and settling for what life has to give me. However, I am in love with the most amazing woman I have ever met. Ah, the moment I saw her I instantly knew there was something about this woman I HAD to get to know. With this feeling, everything has changed in my life leaving me in a whirl wind with no one to talk to (I come from a judgmental family and again I am married). Let me back up a few years ... Growing up I had an attraction to women but I "ignored" it or thought it was just a thing. I had the uncomfortable yet intriguing desire when invited to sleep overs. I always found myself indirectly flirting with the girls instead of guys in social settings. however, I did mention I was married so I have been with men. I have dated men, been sexual with men and am married to a man .. yet I have always felt like something was missing -- there was a void unfulfilled in my life. Sexually I spent most of the time acting like it was great sex (even when with my spouse which has been a long time ago now). I wouldn't ever orgasm with a man so I would have to finish my own business. Then I met her ... and the world turned around. Actually, with her the entire world disappears. She's funny, beautiful, talented, independent, stubborn as hell, feisty, loving, caring, perfection really. Since the first time I met her, I have not stopped thinking about her .. first thought in my morning and last at night. I dream about her when sleeping all the time. I ache for her when I am not with her. A deep ache that I have never known. Everything with her is different yet seems so familiar. I have a comfort with her that I share with none other. She loves me back. We have shared our feelings and she feels the same. We are in love with each other and I am the married woman. This now makes me question my sexuality. Once I figure myself out, what's next to accept and embrace me. I guess I feel like I am alone in this situation. No one knows about my feelings except her. I feel so confused about my self and I am the type of person who has everything figured out. Please help me make sense of what doesn't ....
Welcome to the club. Your story almost completely matches mine. Just cross out "married to" and replace with "divorced from". I had 3 kids in my marriage, which was far from fullfilling. I was 30 and divorced before I figured out I was capable of orgasm, though I always acted like it was good. I thought I had an extremely low sex drive. When I think back, I'd had so many female crushes I had brushed aside and boxed away feelings over. I never looked at a man and thought "he's hot" like my friends did, though sometimes I'd pretend to get rid of the "really?" comments. Slowly I opened my mind up to it. Then, I met a woman. I dated her, and cried with joy when we first kissed. I reevaluated everything. (Still working on that.) And I came to realize: I don't have low sex drive, but need the right person. I can orgasm, but men don't get me off. I am a lesbian. The new struggles... Reconciling my past with my present, Finding the right woman, and coming to terms with all that has changed. (Yet it's not really changed, I just see it through a clearer window.) You may find that you're bi, lesbian, or just can have that one woman you fall for. Who knows. Just follow you're heart. Good luck on your journey.
Good to know I'm not alone here. I'm married to a man too...and while I think of him as my best friend....I wanna stray. Know what I mean. I want a woman so bad...but my good upbringing keeps me from being unfaithful..
I nodded to EVERY DAMN THING you wrote. I'm 34, married to a man for over 10 years, but no kids. My entire life was thrown upside down when I fell for a woman last year.
I really feel for you because you really love her but you're in a complicated situation. But you want to be true to yourself and that sounds great and is very important. (It always interests me when people bring up sex because I also never orgasmed with men. Never even got close. I thought I was just bad at sex. However since I haven't been with a woman yet I still have no evidence that I personally am not in fact just bad at sex.)
I don't know what to say now. I'm younger than you and not married. I think I am in love with a girl now. I miss her all the day. Everyday I wonder what she is doing. But she just regards me as a friend. She likes other man I have cried many times for my situation. Love really sucks
I was married to a man up until I was 26 when I fell for my first girl. I too thought I just had a low sex drive when I was with men and I never came with a man. When I'm with women it's completely the opposite. I find the intimacy and passion with a woman is so much more intense.
