Married to a guy for nearly 13 years. He's gonna be 38, I'm 34. He's had penis issues (ED) for the majority of our marriage; I'm quite certain it has something to do with him not being very big down there. Some of it is physical, because he's let himself go and the other part has to be emotional. He's very vanilla in the bedroom, no fantasies besides me being on top of him, and he was raised in an all-women household and they coined him their "protector." He's like that with me, very overprotective. Everyone calls him my bodyguard. He's has issues with sustaining an election for over 10 years. Now, he's batting about 50% if he can get it up. He does nothing to change this although I've complained about it for the past decade. One doc visit when I threatened divorce. Maybe an attempt at a diet for about a week or so. Nothing else. Last year, we went 9 months without sex. I was done. Halfway through there, I met and fell for HER. My fantasies have now been geared to mostly women. He's known about Her for over a year, since May 2015. He has done absolutely nothing to fix this issue during this time. Again. We tried tonight. Nothing. Not even a spark of action in his penis. He said I could watch girl on girl open if I wanted. No. I WANT a woman. I want a girlfriend on the side. He says he won't leave me. I have to leave him, but with my therapy and unemployment just running out this month, I'm not in the financial position to do that for another few months. I'm tired. I'm out. I want a woman I have an emotional connection to. It's like he only wsnts the friendship/emotional part of the marriage and couldn't give two shits about the physical...but he's going to get pissed off over the kind of porn I want to watch!! I have to leave smart, though; he threatens to take everything with him because he earns more. Why the f-ck can't we just have an open marriage? He doesn't give a shit about the sex part. He talks a good game, but does nothing. He doesn't want me to masturbate, because...well, I dunno why. Fuck. I guess I'm just venting.
Oops. Typos. Erection not election. ---------- Post added 19th Jun 2016 at 07:38 PM ---------- Thank youuuuuuuuuu!! Lol
You realize if you leave him and he makes a bunch more than you, it won't be that he gets to take everything, it'll be that he has to pay you alimony, right? I'm sure he tries to control you with that threat, but in reality you are more dangerous to him. And if he says he won't leave you, then you could maybe have a woman on the side without him leaving? Even if he says otherwise.
You just need to be smart about it. You have to be in a stable financial position to do this. Plan it out. I'm always around to talk if you need some advice. I've been in your exact same position. ---------- Post added 19th Jun 2016 at 08:48 PM ---------- I agree with Rose Petal you are more of a threat to his financial situation not the other way around. He has everything to lose not you. He's just controlling you.
Hmm, it's probably a little of the both of you, but he definitely has some issues to work out. I would encourage him to seek out some therapy, one that's not the one you posted about previously! When he went to the doctor, was there a physical aspect to his ED? It seems like you've been unhappy for a long time, and this is where it's you, and you need to make the best decision for yourself. I agree with the above poster. If you've been married for as long as you have with him being the bread winner, you're the one that can take him to town. If anything, he certainly couldn't take everything from you (unless he has a really good, ruthless lawyer). Him threatening that would be enough of a reason to leave - what kind of a marriage is that, where someone threatens you about how worse off you'd be if you wanted to split? As well, isn't everything a 50/50 split in California? Assuming that's where you live, I think divorce there is a curse and blessing for some because of those laws. I'm not sure, though. You guys either need some seriously good relationship counseling, or you need to do what's best for you. Why would you want a woman on the side if you're not getting much from him?
Apart of me feels guilty. When I fell for a woman last year, I thought it would be...a done issue by now? It's not. I thought my feelings would have gone away. But they remain. I feel guilty. ---------- Post added 19th Jun 2016 at 10:15 PM ---------- He keeps telling me what a waste of 15 years and why didn't I tell him this a long time ago. I didn't know...
