For better or worse, I still get surprised that there are gay men out there; I am still amazed that men are out there, even around here, who find other men beautiful, and who fall in love with them, or even just find a way to have really great sex with them, something I'd always considered to be impossible, even for me. But it isn't just possible, it's common. It's hard for my brain to comprehend it. I'm not sure if I ever want to take this for granted, the fact that same-sex attraction, sex, and love exist and even flourish in this world, in my world.
For the most part I do kind of take it for granted. There are so many gay guys where I live. But every once in a while it hits me and when it does it's really beautiful. Saturday my husband picked me up from work and we were almost home when they had the sort of unofficial shift change at the beach. The streets were just full of guys heading to and from the beach with coolers and towels, holding hands and laughing together. After all these years it still can really move me.
This is something I posted on my Facebook page almost exactly a year ago. It was my official coming out to the world at large: I want to share with you something very simple yet meaningful that happened to me yesterday at the gay nude beach at Edmonds. Shortly after I got there, a group of three beautiful, physically fit young men, in their late 20s/early 30s, arrived and sat down next to me. A little while later, another young man arrived and sat down on the opposite side of me. Pretty soon, the group of three went down to the water’s edge and began horsing around, splashing each other and frolicking in the waves. Then, the single young man went down, and before long, he was being splashed and played with by the other three. As they came back up the beach, one of the three asked the single young man if he would like to join them, so he picked up his things and moved to their spot. Throughout the afternoon, they laughed and chattered and shared drinks, and by the end of the day, I was no longer sure which of them was the original single young man. When they left, they went as one. All of this made me very happy. I did not envy their youth, their beauty, the ease of their companionship, but instead felt glad for them. At the same time, I felt a pang for what I missed growing up as a deeply closeted gay man. And I also thought of the many men of my generation who had not been closeted and who lost so many of their friends in the plague that engulfed them. It’s good those days are over, and I’m thankful still to be here to witness the changes. Love you all! John
