Good morning friends, I know that I'm nowhere near this point in my journey, but I'm just wondering, if you've gotten to a point where you feel like being gay/bi/trans* is just some part of you, basically just your normal, when and how did you reach that point? I feel like I can see at least some of the steps ahead of me that need to happen first before I reach this point - but im interested in hearing your stories. I'm not ready for this to be my normal just yet, I think I'm in an important stage where I think *a lot* about being queer, and it's healthy, as it will help lead me to make the steps I need to make in my life to be happy being queer. I'm not in a hurry to get through this stage. I haven't given enough love to this part of me yet in my life, so it deserves my attention for a while. I suppose I just want to hear about that part of the path, where your LGBT identity becomes fully incorporated into your normal life, that it functions mostly in the background?
That's an interesting question. I came out pretty early to myself (can't really say... 8yo? 9?), and to my family / at school at 13 (with my first girlfriend) and have not really been bothered by my orientation. Other people have been, though; I have had rocks thrown to my face in a poor/super religious part of the town I was then living in, been spat on several times, engaged in fights... Ah, well. Honestly, looking back at it, I realize that it never bothered me, because I was always - and still am - convinced that this is me, nothing wrong with that and if people feel like there's an issue, I'd rather them coming to my face about it and express their ignorance-filled anger. I have a couple mental issues that could "explain" why is was so easy (of sorts) for me to get to this point, but... Meh. I dunno. Maybe it depends on people? I come from a partly homophobic, partly denial-blessed family. Beside the fights engaged because people didn't like me dating girls, I was an excellent student, worked whenever I could, and had no issue with the law or anything, so we agreed that my out-of-the-house life could be lived however I wanted it to be, as long as no drug or smoking was involved. A "we won't ask, because we don't wanna be told, also please don't tell our friends, they just know you are academically blessed and praise us for it, look if you keep the good things up we won't fight you over your preferences; also no drug nor cigarettes, you heathen" kind of situation. Worked quite well, in retrospect - we get along okay now. So I'd say that right from the beginning, to me, it was "normal". I never gave actual thoughts about it, you know? Like... "Oh, hey, this girl is so pretty and funny, should I date her? Damn, this boy is fine. I should date him. Awww have you seen this girl?" It was just like that. Regardless of what my parents or schoolmates said. My life, not theirs, uh? In conversations, I said "my girlfriend" without really thinking about people's reaction. Yeah, I have a girlfriend. That's life. I don't come creeping on what happens in your bed, so please leave mine to me and whoever I invite in. I hope you will soon get to this point! (*hug*) It's liberating, I guess, never having to hide or wonder about yourself every morning is really great. You're doing a great job on the acceptance and happiness path! Be proud of yourself! (*hug*) Best of luck~
It's a transition between the coming out high and getting to a point where your LGBT identity is incorporated into your life. The first time I noticed this is when the majority of my social calendar (except for dad-related activities) was LGBT - see my response to your earlier post http://emptyclosets.com/forum/3082224-post6.html. I had also healed most of my internalized homophobia and shame by this point as well. Regarding being in the background, I have a different take. It's more about the ratio of thinking about being gay to being gay (doing LGBT activities). I spend little time thinking about being gay and more time being gay.
You sound like a really confident, strong person. Thanks for sharing your story! And thanks for the encouragement. I admire you staying strong in your identity with all of the harassment you received. ---------- Post added 20th Jun 2016 at 03:51 AM ---------- This all sort of sounds like what I was expecting. It's part of what I'm working towards. Especially the being gay part. I like your take on this (in terms of it not being in the background), and I think I want that for me too. I'd like to make this a strong part of my identity, but do more 'being gay' versus thinking about being gay.
