1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Marrid to a Woman but crave Men

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by ConfusedSailor, Jun 20, 2016.

  1. ConfusedSailor

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2016
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Seattle
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hello out there. Are there any guys who are married to women and have kids who don't really want to be like totally out but just crave to make love to men. I don't really think I can have the emotional connection with a dude but I'd sure like to explore his body etc.. Am I Bi or just a perv? Thoughts.:bang:
     
  2. Weston

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2014
    Messages:
    433
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Seattle
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Interesting that you don't include a third alternative, i.e., that you are gay (unless, of course, for you perv = gay [in which case, you need to work on self-loathing]). However, only you can say for sure.

    Also, you shouldn't discount the possibility of an emotional connection with another man. I actually believed that men were incapable of strong emotional attachments in the way that women are. When I developed one, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

    Be aware that once you start down the road of being married (to a woman) and having sex with men on the down-low, you are increasingly susceptible to falling in love with a man, and that will endanger any possibility of maintaining the status quo.
     
    #2 Weston, Jun 20, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2016
  3. Nickw

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2016
    Messages:
    2,335
    Likes Received:
    1,397
    Location:
    Out West
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    To answer your question. Yes, there are a lot of us married guys who crave sex with men. Some are gay and married and some of us are bi and married.

    I needed my wife to know, so I told her and it has changed my life for the better. Some of us will not be able to live authentically without being with a man emotionally and sexually. For some, that can end a marriage. And, that may be best for everyone.

    So, keep posting and try and understand where you are on this as you work through it.
     
  4. Shorthaul

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2016
    Messages:
    1,498
    Likes Received:
    231
    Location:
    Idaho
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I can't relate on the part about kids, as we can't have any. But I am married to a woman and would like to be intimate with a man. I've kinda played for both teams off and on for a while, so bi is how I identify.

    You have to talk with your spouse though. Be honest with yourself, and be honest with her as you have made a pretty serious commitment. Your kids don't have to know, but you owe your spouse honesty.
     
  5. Tomás1

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2016
    Messages:
    382
    Likes Received:
    74
    Location:
    San Francisco
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I agree w the foregoing. Ultimately, if u have sex w a guy, u could like it, or like him … which could interfere in your rel w your wife. Ultimately, if u have integrity, you'd need to be honest w her. Much would depend on her response. Much would depend on your love for her. You might have to choose between her & men.

    What's your intuition about how she'd react?
     
  6. JonSomebody

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2012
    Messages:
    1,073
    Likes Received:
    27
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    When I was bartending, I met a lot of guys such as yourself who were married, with kids and yet had desires to have sex with men on the DL. You know, I was always told that women have very strong intuition and nine times out of ten, they may suspicion but some will not confront the issue due to the fact that they are comfortable with the lifestyle that has been created or they are those women who tend to stay in denial about the situation.

    From a personal perspective, I met this guy at the club while working one night and this guy came in every night that I worked and would not stop pursuing me by sending me roses and gifts to the club. One night, he kept bugging me about going out to dinner with him on a night that I did not have to work. This guy would send me emails constantly asking me out or telling me about dreams he had of me and him engaging in sexual acts. However, to my surprise, I received a series of threatening emails from this woman who introduced herself as his wife. Once I contacted her and calmed her down, she began to talk to me in a rational manner. She went on to explain that she went through his phone and found the messages he was sending to me as well as naked pics as well. I told her that he was pursuing me and he never told me that he was involved with anyone, yet alone a woman or for that fact, he was married with children. After hearing her story, my heart went out to her and I suggested that perhaps she should sit him down and have an honest conversation with him and hopefully, he will be honest with her as well. Nonetheless, he did contact me and even came to the club to see me which had me come to the conclusion that she never confronted him at that time. However, I told him that I was not interested and did not divulge any information in regard to my conversation with his wife or better yet, let it be known that I knew of his wife. I felt this is something that should be handled by his wife if choose to do so....but I did not want any parts of this mess!!!!
     
  7. NewHaircut

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2016
    Messages:
    72
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Melbourne, Australia
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I was in your situation once. I told my wife I might be bisexual after she descovered id been watching gay porn and on adult chat sites. It wasn't a good situation, and I wish I'd just talked to her first. Nevertheless, for some reason even after talking to her, I wasn't able to be comfortable with who I was. It wasn't until much later, we split up for other reasons, then later still I came out as bi to some gay friends. I also never thought I could have an emotional attachment with men and thought it was just sex I craved, but now that I'm around people I can truly be myself with, and accept myself better, that has changed. Im capable of feelings and love for men and women. And I feel truly alive!

    This is just *my* opinion, take it or leave it, but if you talk to your wife about the fact that you might be bi, and get some gay friends, you might find that you can accept what you are feeling more. For me, my craving for sex has even reduced a bit since I came out to some people and started being my authentic self. What I've realised is that what I craved was *authentic* relationship (platonic or otherwise) with people.
     
  8. Godless

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2016
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Same situation as well. Logistically, doesn't seem like a good idea to experiment with men, but I still want to. I realized I'm bisexual and my wife is on board and supportive. Some people say open relationships can work temporarily, but I'm not so sure. My wife does like to fantasize with me about a mmf threesome.
     
  9. Stewie

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2016
    Messages:
    304
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    BC - Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm also in a very similar situation(which is why I joined the site,and will be starting a thread similar to this with my own question shortly) I've been struggling with the same thoughts for the better part of 20 years now, Honesty "should" always be the first option, but reality is some people when faced with a tough truth, as she would be when/if you tell her, don't react rationally...
     
  10. thrashgal

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2015
    Messages:
    263
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    california
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    for sum reason i thought this was a lesbian lol