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Ups and downs, positives, negatives...what exactly is happening?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by baristajedi, Jun 22, 2016.

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  1. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    I'm at a point right now where I'm heading in a positive direction. I feel like I'm making some good steps and taking some risks.

    So I'm not sure exactly where it's coming from but I feel like I am going through waves of all the emotions I have felt for much of my life about my sexuality (positive and negative). What I mean is, I feel positive, optimistic and confident about where I am now, and I'm not really dwelling on the negatives, but it's like waves of emotion come in and out, like phantom pain/shame. I will suddenly remember shame, remember being in love with women from my past, remember pain, remember moments where I felt free and happy, remember my fears and insecurities.

    Has anyone ever gone through this?

    It's interesting to note - it's my instinct that this is not a bad thing, I almost feel like I have to just let those waves of feeling come and go, it's like perhaps it's my psyche's way of letting go of layers and layers of these feelings.

    I think if I had to guess where it's coming from, it comes from revisiting some old stuff in counselling a couple of weeks ago, it comes from the rawness of being completely out, it comes from making a lot of big changes at once, it comes from the hurt and pain and anger at what happened in Orlando...

    Does anyone have insight on this??
     
    #1 baristajedi, Jun 22, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2016
  2. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
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    Sounds like your understanding your emotions and handling them the right way. The journey has a lot of ups and down and quite a few curves. As you get more in touch with yourself and your emotions, you find "layers" of emotions deep inside you that start to bubble up. Its a good sign that your going through it, and if you recognize what is happening and, as you say, go with it, seems like its part of the overall natural progression.

    I find it surprising to continue even today to experience similar situations where emotions arise which I held deep inside of me. The occurrences have certainly slowed down, but I continue to get them as well.

    The emotional wall comes down, and the emotions hidden deep inside now have a chance to come out.
     
    #2 OnTheHighway, Jun 22, 2016
  3. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    Thanks OTH, this is encouraging to hear, and it makes me feel like it's a normal, maybe even necessary part of the journey, even the ongoing journey.

    I definitely feel like a lot of emotional walls have been broken down, well they are in the process of crumbling, but they're certainly still there. I'm making huge dents here and there.

    I think at this point, I need to be with a woman to make any more progress. I can't even guess what emotions that will bring to the surface. (I mean, aside from the obvious good ones :wink:)
     
    #3 baristajedi, Jun 22, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2016
  4. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
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    make sure the walls are sound proofed!! :slight_smile:
     
    #4 OnTheHighway, Jun 22, 2016
  5. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    :icon_bigg(!) :lol:
     
    #5 baristajedi, Jun 22, 2016
  6. RosePetals76

    RosePetals76
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    I feel like you just described exactly what I've been going through, Baristajedi. I'm getting those waves of emotion that aren't bad, just strong and needing dealt with. Sometimes they make me cry, but I'm not really down. Other times they make me proud and happy. I think it's just a matter of breaking down emotional walls and healing what's behind them. I feel like I'm on the right path, and I suspect you are, too.
     
    #6 RosePetals76, Jun 22, 2016
  7. PlaidGlove

    PlaidGlove
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    Hell yeah, I have. Sounds like emotional thawing. It's part of a healing process. You should read up on it.
     
    #7 PlaidGlove, Jun 22, 2016
  8. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    I get the urge to cry a lot too, it happens sometimes at work, so I can't always let it go, but I feel so good when I let out a good cry.

    ---------- Post added 22nd Jun 2016 at 07:19 AM ----------
    I've never heard that term before. Thanks Plaidglove, now I have something to research, that's teally helpful.
     
    #8 baristajedi, Jun 22, 2016
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