I don't even know where to start or what to say. New here, never even verbalized what I'm about to type to anyone, but I just feel so trapped and alone and don't know where to start. I'm 33 years old married for 10 years with three kids. I've never felt like I was a woman trapped in a mans body, but ever since I can remember I've always been jealous of the girls and women in my life. I wished that I had been born a girl. Dressed in girls clothes whenever I could get my hands on some. I've always related better to women than men. Since I found out about porn on the internet ive been attracted to pictures and stories about men transforming into women. I figured that this is a phase or something (but it's been going on for probably 18 years at this point.) I will sometimes dress in my wife's clothes and I love it, up until I look in the mirror. I have always hated the way that I look in general and it gets worse when I see myself as man in a dress. I guess I was more or less okay with the status quo until recently, it's like something switched on inside of me and I've started.to think maybe all of this is signs that I'm an transgendered. Once I had that thought it won't go away and I don't know what to do. I love my wife and kids and I am terrified of what these thoughts could even mean to them. I'm sure there's more and I'm sorry to rant , I'm just so confused and upset and I literally didnt know what to do or who to talk to. Like I said I've never told anyone any of these.things.
Welcome to EC! This is a good, safe place to discuss these things, and to relate to others and learn about yourself. I don't have any experience in the area you are describing, but there are several here who do. I'm glad you found us here, welcome.(*hug*)
Hi Jjanon, I'm new here too, different situation but many of the feelings you describe have been the same, especially the "switching on" bit and the fear of what it all might mean to my family. You can rant all you like and not be judged (I didn't think it sounded ranty though) and can find people who've dealt with similar situations in their own lives. You are not alone. Hugs
Welcome. You've found a good place. I have no experience with trans feelings, but I do have trans friends. I know that with trans, along with any other sector of LGBT+, there is a spectrum. You will take a journey to find your place in it. You may be trans, or you may just like cross dressing. You may even find you like being a drag queen. Who knows? Good luck on your journey and know this is a good place to vent.
Thanks for your comments. Personally I'm still super confused about myself. Late, I know we are going through different things but it sounds like we have some similar home life issues to work Through. Thanks for reaching out.
I am new here too. I am in my late 30s, married (to a man), kids. Regarding the trans stuff, I find myself watching and reading every single transgender youtube video or article I can find on the internet, especially first hand account stuff. It seems almost obsessive as it is almost all I watch or do on the internet. I don't watch porn or have any kind of sexual interest really, it is more of an emotional fascination. I try to figure out why the obsession, but I don't know. My body is sort of androgynous, but I have never identified as anything other than cisfemale. I think what I am attracted to in these videos is the incredible bravery of people putting their vulnerable selves out there. This is something that I couldn't imagine doing myself. It is ok to be confused. I certainly don't have any answers. But it seems to help to put words on paper, especially here because there are others who understand to support you.
Hi Jjanon, Welcome to EC. This is a very supportive place. Like others have mentioned, you are not alone. There are others on here who have been in a similar situation to you. You might want to read my thread tilted "Gender", it's filled with stories of gender questioning ...from both cis and trans* folks who have questioned gender in some form or another. If you'd like I'll bump it for you.
