I almost had the perfect opportunity to come out at work. I was chatting with this coworker of mine whom I know is gay, and we got around to talking about gun reform in the US. I was coming around to saying "did you go to vigil?" But someone else walked in and the conversation started going a different direction. Ah well. I feel like it's so hard to casually come out - I mean here I am, this married-to-a-man girl walking around with a rainbow bracelet. I feel like saying who I am is important to me, but it needs to be concise and casual. Anyway...it's just frustrating. I'm trying to work on how to word it as well. Is 'queer' too potentially offensive? And maybe not even clear? I don't want to say bi, but that's easiest to understand. I could say not straight, or use euphemisms like "I'm one of the colors in the rainbow", "I play for both teams", etc. Guys, why is this so complicated??
That's a good point... I could do that. I just want to feel more authentic everywhere i spend my time if that makes sense. ---------- Post added 23rd Jun 2016 at 12:59 AM ---------- I just have to take an opportunity or find the time to suggest a night out. It would be nice to have more gay friends. She's married, this is all about connecting and being me.
Now I'm thinking - Am I going about this the wrong way? Do I have to just accept that some people will always assume I'm straight? That really bothers me for some reason... maybe I need to get an handle on why I care so much. On the other hand just being me, expressing who I am, these are all things I want to be comfortable doing. And I suppose just letting go of caring how anyone interpret that...? This is really bugging me, and I don't know how to really fully wrap my head around what I want and how to go about doing what feels important to me.
You're right. I know you're right. This is all about me just being comfortable in expressing myself however I want and not giving much thought to what others think.
You know, I'm starting to rethink things a bit. I feel like I want to be less focused on what others think in general. I think, a better perspective is to just focus on being me, and let the chips fall where they may. I think that will lead to coming out, because it's honest and part of my identity, but I don't need to be so concerned with making that situation happen.
Barista, I totally relate as I am in a similar situation to you...it took me a while to tell my friend at work (and I still want to tell the others). I also feel like I had a lot of missed opportunities to say something. It is important to me too, you'll get there! Perhaps it will be easier once you get to know them better and maybe drinks/coffee after work might be a good opportunity? As I have a husband and a kid people also just assume I'm straight (unless I correct them). However my friend was saying people also mistake her for being straight all the time despite the fact she has a girlfriend (she is very fem) so perhaps it is just something that going to happen. People like to make assumptions. It bothers me too but I think part of that is because my sexuality is a very big deal to me at the moment and I wonder if when I get to the point where its just an accepted part of my identify and I feel like I can express it freely that I wont really care so much anymore?
People DO assume you're straight. It's the default setting for humanity, apparently. My take on it is, let them assume until it makes a difference. If they're trying to fix you up with their cousin, the doctor, then it makes a difference. I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't hide who you are, but you don't need to introduce yourself as a lesbian. Let it be a natural part of your life, and when it's relevant, tell someone. Am I making sense? I'm typing with a headache, so my apologies if this is kind of confused... Morgana
