This is my 500 th post. Never thought it possible. With the efforts of a few ECs members, much PM (private message) interaction, I've concluded that events I was subjected to in my mid teen years shaped my life for a very long time. Negative treatment sent me down a road of isolation, loneliness and thrill seeking behavior. So this pretty much identifies most of the "whats" (what happened). Now to work on the "hows" (how to get on a different road.)
Congratulations on 500 posts and on gaining deeper insight into yourself. So do you have a good idea of where to go in starting to work on the hows?