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loved and let go

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by thrashgal, Jun 26, 2016.

  1. thrashgal

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    i want to hear peoples stories if they ever loved sumone and had to let them go but continue to love them and only them years later even tho u dont kno where they are today? what happened and how does it feel now? i feel i let the one i love go (almost 6 months) but becuz it was what she wanted and what we both needed at the time, but i miss her alot and feel i will always only love her, im afraid to wake up 30 or so years later to regret it, but if true love exists and its meant to be then shell come back to me right?
     
  2. greatwhale

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    You let her go because you love her; you love her so much that you did not want to burden her with staying with you out of guilt, or the fear of loneliness.

    If that isn't true love, I don't know what is.

    Let the future take care of itself, live in this moment and open your heart to the possibility of loving again, set aside any future hope as it might blind you to the possibility of an even greater love, one that might present itself right before your eyes.
     
    #2 greatwhale, Jun 27, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2016
  3. thrashgal

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    omg thank u! that really made me smile(*hug*):eusa_shif
     
  4. thrashgal

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    your words are still resonating in my head, i feel like u said just what i needed to hear for some closure and self forgivness...its so strange, i cant explain it but thank u so so much...
     
  5. Loppox

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    Greathwhale what a beautiful response and so spot on!

    I am about to let someone I love go. I never told her I had feelings, because I knew she and I would never work out. I've kept those growing feelings to myself for the past 5 years, only to realise I loved her deeply over a year ago.

    I used to send her cards on her birthday with endings such as ''love always'' which were only reserved for her and no one else.

    She was my first love, although I can't really wrap my head around it. I am still trying to understand it, but man that girl was a lot on my mind.

    I will keep this secret love secret for the rest my life, she will never know. I don't want her to become nervous around me the last days of high school/ graduation. I will always remember her, that's for sure. I already put distance between us for the last year in order to get away from the feelings/ becoming emotionally loose from her.

    I am not feeling sad or anything, just a nostalgic feeling of knowing it's already ending and that we'll both part ways. She was a good friend of mine, really. I am already looking forward looking back on the days I felt so completely devoted to her. I already do.

    but I will never forget my first love

    As greatwhale said, let the future be the future, so that's what I am going to do. Going to a new school, starting over again for a bit. Getting away from the people that know me and looking forward to experience new kinds of love or none at all. who knows.

    We are both pretty young so we still got some time left if life lets us. New people to meet, new feelings to arise.

    And we will just see what happens :grin:

    Have a great day thrashgal!
     
  6. thrashgal

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    thank you loppox! :astonished: im sorry about what you are going thru, i do understand very well how hard letting go is, still working on it but i think what greatwhale said hit me sumhow and im viewing the situation a bit differently...i hope you the best at your new skool! (*hug*) and i love your optimism! thank you:kiss::wave:
     
  7. greatwhale

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    You're welcome! (*hug*) I speak from personal experience...letting go, for the sake of love, has a poetic aspect as well.

    I think love is first and foremost a beautiful thing, it has its own aesthetic and, in letting go, you are in a sense preserving its perfection, untainted by expectations or the unveiling of the inevitable imperfections that you are bound to discover in the one you love.
     
  8. thrashgal

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    :astonished: u kno i keep reading what you wrote, its helping me come to terms with letting her go in my heart..its as if a piece of me wants to desperately cling to the idea of her and that hope of her coming back into my life..but when i read what u wrote, it put it into perspective for me, reminded me of why i did what i did: i loved her, i knew i was becoming her burden, she didnt want to break my heart becuz she knew how i felt about her and i guess she didnt feel the same even tho she made the mistake of making me believe she did, she had a gf she thought she loved tho (even tho her gf was physically and emotionally abusive to her and i was her shoulder that made staying ok) and so she didnt kno how to handle wanting to run away with me, when she was having a hard time becuz her gf was her first love she couldnt handle the thought of letting go..and besides she wasnt sure she loved me when she was curious about boys since she'd been with that girl since she was 14 (now 22) ..i feel thankful she cared enough to let me go looking back now when she said those hurtful things that pushed me away..tho sumtimes i question when im clinging to that idea like "what if she meant it?, what if she really did love me the timing was just wrong?" then i remind myself, i cant love her, i cant "burden her with being with me out of guilt or fear of lonliness" thats just that...thats exactly what it was...i had to look beyond my own wants and hopes and whatever to see what she wanted..i mean i was a total mess, how could she love me..and i had nuthing to offer her...its strange becuz all that made me see myself in a new light and now im bettering myself, at first for her, but now for me..like she indirectly taught me the most important life lesson i could ever learn: to love myself..
    youre right too "let the future take care of itself, live in this moment and open my heart to the possibility to love again" fuk, it was so true..i saw how i closed myself off and it wasnt making me happy at all..i was like "ill never love again, i gave all my love to her and if she doesnt want it then thats it, its gone" and i was walking around sad and miserable unable to wrap my head around what i did that was so fuked up to deserve that..(not just her but years of heartache before her)..but it was as if what u said just opened a door in my mind and i was able to see everything so clear...maybe it was that i know i love her so so much that id do anything to make her happy even if it meant i was unhappy the rest of my life, id sacrifce myself for her..and i felt guilty for leaving her like that (tho she was drunk and said those hurtful things out of nowhere to push me away) i changed my number on her, didmt give her a chance to explain or not and so left her alone, when she made me promise her before that that i would never leave her alone, and i did see...i was her emotional support since she had noone else to support her...she was loosing herself to drugs at that time and i was making good progress in keeping her head straight...i made her see that i believed in her and had faith in her to better herself and her life...i kno it wasnt a healthy relationship but i loved her i didnt care the pain involved, i wouldve sat in her pain with her...but at the same time i began to see that i wasnt helping her by being her emotional support, (aside from being her burden) i was taking away all of her bad feelings of her life instead of letting her feel them to help her grow and learn from it..this is what my reasoning was as i left..i was helping her by letting her hurt, tho it killed me inside..she probly wont ever see it that way or understand why i did what i did, but yea, i loved her and i guess that i had to put her before myself...but yea, i felt guilty, and when i read what u wrote it made me remember that i did it because i loved her..maybe it just hit me becuz seeing sumone elses perspective on it helped me see it myself..like when sumone goes to jail for being accused of doing sumthing that they didnt do and they just want sumone to believe them, it seems i was the worst in myself telling myself bullshit like "u broke your promise to her and left her when she needed you" that breaks my heart over and over again..but what u said and i felt like as if you knew like as if life spoke thru you to me and gave me the silence inside that i needed...it was so strange, but im so greatful for it..