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Wanting to be seen

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by RosePetals76, Jun 27, 2016.

  1. RosePetals76

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    I very much realize that there is nobody on this planet that's ever going to look at me and think I'm a lesbian. Unless they see me actually hanging all over another woman, it's not going to happen. There is no cliche or stereotype to my appearance. Is it sad that I wish I was more visibly lesbian? I don't want to change anything about my look or clothing style, I just want to be me. At the same time I wish that people saw all of me, and that side just doesn't show outwardly. Then again, I know it's not any one else's buisness. It's probably more about wanting to connect with other LGBT people and knowing nobody is going to see that in me to help make that connection and I don't feel like announcing "hey I'm gay, too".
     
  2. mirkku

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    Hello Rose! Have you thought about wearing cute accessories, such as rainbow bracelets or, more discreet and style-adaptable, rainbow earrings?
     
    #2 mirkku, Jun 27, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2016
  3. Really

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    Maybe you could learn to exude your gayness. This is probably a stereotype, too, but do you walk and talk confidently? How's your body language? I'm not saying you need to adopt new habits but just be more "you"?

    I think that's one thing that sets off my gaydar. :thumbsup:
     
  4. baristajedi

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    I was going to say the same as mirkku. A few people here and there seemed to notice my rainbow bracelets so far (and most importantly, gay folks :slight_smile:)
     
  5. lmnop

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    I know what you mean. My wardrobe is casual, but not butch or really boyish unless I'm working out. I've noticed I am much more comfortable when I sit or lounge somewhere, super relaxed. The way I lean is different too. lol

    P.S. I ordered two rainbow bracelets because of this post.
     
  6. RosePetals76

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    I'm already wearing a pride bracelet and a rainbow anklet, but I don't think most people have noticed. It did out me to a cousin that I didn't know was unaware, though. As far as walking with confidence and such, no. I'm kind of an introvert and I have social anxiety disorder. I do not exude confidence at all.
     
  7. Adray

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    I ordered a rainbow bracelet, too! I have been wearing a Bi Pride silicone bracelet for months, but the colors - pink, purple, & blue - of the Bi Pride flag, while they mean everything to me, don't seem to be recognized in general by others. The ROY G BIV rainbow should be less subtle... LOL. And I really like the simple silicone bracelets - they are comfortable, durable, colorful. I have seen some really nice handmade bracelets, too, but I like the silicone ones a lot.

    But bracelets aside, I share some of your desire to be seen more, Rosepetals. I suppose it is one of the factors that made me decide to come out publicly as bi. Now that I have come out locally, I've seen how it changes how I feel (I have more pride), and I've seen how word spreads in my circle of friends. My wife is a supportive ally, and she's been helping me come out (one way or the other... LOL). She came back from a book club night last week and told me she'd told them about me coming out. It's not a secret anymore, and that's what I wanted. So maybe what you are seeking would come from more vocally coming out? Just a thought. I definitely identify with your feeling, though.(*hug*)

    ---------- Post added 27th Jun 2016 at 07:26 PM ----------

    Another thing I've noticed, that may be part of what you are experiencing - a surprising (to me) amount of people don't think it's a big deal one way or the other. I've been surprised. I lost one friend so far, had a couple really reach out to me and become better friends, and most of the rest are like, "meh...".

    Maybe you are seeing some of that too?
     
  8. yuanzi

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    I agree with Adray. You have to be vocal about it :slight_smile:

    Most people around me including myself do not assume someone's orientation by the way they dress etc. Probably because we live in a town with lots of artists, hippies and young students. Many straight people are very gender-bending when it comes to clothing and hairstyles.

    The confidence thing does not seem to work here either... I have met tons of professional ladies who gave out the no BS hardcore butch vibe but they were very much straight. Yeah work does that to you sometimes :slight_smile:

    I still think the rainbow accessories might work. But they have to be giant!
     
    #8 yuanzi, Jun 27, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2016