A couple of things have started me wondering about something. So, first, I've been fantasising about this woman from work whom I *think* is gay. It's not like alone-in-my-room fantasies, it's more passing thoughts, pictures in my head, very nsfw thoughts. It's been happening ever since she gave me what I thought was a very flirty smile. It's fun to think about but makes me blush a little because we chat here and there. And I find myself wanting to keep looking at her sweet blue eyes a little longer than you normally would with a coworker, or to pay attention to the way she moves, her lips...you get the idea. Of course there are all the other women I'm constantly thinking about in passing, this particular woman just happens to occupy my thoughts a lot more lately. And I also have other passing thoughts that make me think I'm a bit preoccupied with the idea of associating gay with sex. For example, shipping 2 gay dudes who just happen to work closely together. It's gotten me wondering whether, perhaps I'm hypersexualising everything. And wondering why that's happening? It's like all of my life I've been either very under sexual or overly sexual (both as a response to trauma as a child). These thoughts are much more fun and happy of course. But I feel like I'm coming to this place where I'm finally understanding how much I desire and need women, that it's just over spilling into all of these sexual thoughts all the time. But I suppose I'm just also concerned that there's some undercurrent that relates to internalised homophobia, like 2 gay people in a room are not necessairily as horny as me...I'm not sure how to articulate what I'm saying fully... But there's an element of thinking of all of the spaces amongst gay folks of the same sex as very sexualised spaces, in addition to my own personal constant thoughts of sex with women. Can anyone relate?
Its happening because of your desire to want to finally be with a woman. When you can not have something you want, you want it more than you otherwise would. Its the forbidden fruit syndrome. This was my experience before accepting myself and becoming sexually active. Now I am sure there is a more clinical answer that what I have provided........
This is certainly happening - I'm *really* over zealously attracted to many women, and I feel so much around this one particular woman. Like yesterday, we were both early for work and chatting alone in the tea room, and I just kept thinking "wonder what it's like to kiss her? Look at the way she does that little thing with her mouth. She's got such a nice energy...." And just watching her face and eyes the whole time she was talking. I also wonder though about the other half of it - I added 2 paragraphs in the post while you were responding...what do you think about that?
I feel similar to this, in the sense that acknowledging my attraction to women was like switching a light on. I've not thought about sex so much in a long time. I also think it's because the experience of being with a woman would give more clarity about what I'm actually seeking, so this idea is a preoccupation.
I am not sure I got what you are trying to say in the additional paragraphs. I did not experience internalized homophobia. I experienced desire that was out of reach given I was in the closet.
Ok so there's two things happening and I'm connecting them but maybe they're totally not connected. 1) I really like women and it's all I think about. Mystery solved on that one 2) I find myself projecting these feelings on other gay folks as well, like presuming a sense of sexual tension between 2 dudes in, say a work context. I usually do this with guys because, with women, my thoughts are mostly focused on the sexual tension *I'm* feeling because 'le sigh, she's so cute and kissable'. But if the women are distant enough from me, I also have this sort of projection about how these 2 gay girls are likely in constant sexual tension. That 2nd one has me scratching my head s bit as to why I'm thinking that sort of thing.
Ah, now I got it. Yes! I understand what you are saying. I think you have summarized it and are appropriately describing what you are doing - projecting. I would say it stems from your unfulfilled desires to be sexually active with a woman. This is a consistent experience I had prior to accepting myself as well. Again, I can not express in clinical terms why this is, others might be better doing that. All I can say is this no longer happens. In fact, I was thinking about this phenomenon myself recently when I was reminiscing on how I would create these fantasies; where I now clearly see thats all the were - fantasies.
Yeah NotMyName, Sex is all. I. think. about! I can't wait until July 5th... that's when the open marriage is supposed to start ...though I suppose i won't be getting laid on the first date. ---------- Post added 30th Jun 2016 at 09:44 AM ---------- Ok, so this doesn't seem so bad. I was thinking it was likely just projection. And that's your read on it too. I'm so ready for a date with a cute little sweetie. Counting down.... :icon_bigg
I can relate Baristajedi … & I think it's best to forget about sex. In other words, get out of your head, thinking about sex … & focus on the woman, friendship, & just being yourself.
I think a good trick for not oversexualizing someone is to keep in balance the rest of their personhood. Get to know them. What do they like? What do they not like? What are they good at? What do you know about their job? If all you can think about is tits and ass, probably over sexualizing. If you are appreciating her as a whole person with interests and relationships and autonomy, you're probably doing great. Also, second puberty, haha. It's like that. Don't be hard on yourself. It's cool that you're a really sexual person.
Are you in my head? Because I have been doing these exact two things lately. It's a bit weird, as I had never felt so much sexual tension in my whole life. About a year ago I wondered that I might be asexual or at least in the grey area, and now that though has jumped out of the window. :lol: And bisexuality means that I have NSFW thoughts about both men and women, and this gets seriously frustrating, because I really, really should concentrate on my studies right now... I think I need to get off the Internet and into the sex.
You now know what it's like in my head, barista! lol Except it's men not women. Add all that to the fact that I still have the same NSFW thoughts about women, just like I always have....it's pretty dang confusing in there! I've been really oversexualizing the guy I've been seeing. I should probably stop doing that.
Barista, Same boat here, except it waxes and wanes. I screwed up losing my virginity to a dude I didn't even like. I kinda want my first time with a woman to be special. But I want it so freakin' bad!! Lol.
I can't relate to oversexualising a specific individual. However sex in general is always on my mind. I'm worse than when I was a teen, I'm worse than your average teenage boy even. I just hope the person I fall for has a high sex drive too. I have way too much pent up sexual energy.:help:
The oversexualising is just starting to fade for me. I think it's probably pretty common. It might just be a societal issue (don't most people kind of oversexualize the gay population in general?). When I first started definitively identifying as a lesbian, all I could think of was having sex with a woman. That was like, THE most important thing. Even when I finally entered into my first relationship as a lesbian, sex was probably first priority to me. I hadn't really HAD sex with a woman ever, and it was the ONE thing I hadn't done with a woman. Maybe it was, in a way, the last "obstacle" to being a lesbian? Like, I just had to do this ONE thing, and then I could be SURE. Make sense? Now, though, I've realized that sex is really just a tiny part of the whole. It might sound cliche, but the emotional side of it is much more important. I just connect with women differently; I find fulfillment in a lesbian relationship that I just couldn't ever find in a straight relationship. I think that fulfillment comes partly from physical / sexual attraction (I mean, don't get me wrong, it IS important), but also from an emotional fulfillment which is due in large part simply to the fact that I can be HONEST and I feel like I'm in an HONEST relationship in which I can truly be myself. But I do love me some gay sex. Just sayin'. ---------- Post added 1st Jul 2016 at 08:44 AM ---------- I want to add that the oversexualizing, I believe, can come from feeling almost liberating after not having a sex drive? I never wanted sex in my relationships with men and I had just kind of succumbed to the belief that I wasn't a sexual person or I could never be sexually fulfilled. But accepting my sexual orientation and finally feeling SOMETHING sexually can be enough to put your mind in the gutter . . . and only in the gutter . . . for a long time. That might come out as fantasizing about other gay couples or occupying your thoughts with fantasies about every maybe-gay you pass.
OMG - July 5th!! That's practically tomorrow! I missed so much by being away!! I need details (PM me if you want or point me to the thread(s) discussing this)!! On the oversexualizing front... I find that the more I am in touch with my bisexuality, the more I want sex. Of any kind (ok just with my husband for now, but you know what I mean). All the time. Like I fantasize all the time and masterbate :icon_redf so much more often. I can orgasm multiple times with my husband. When I'm focused (too much maybe) on my marriage, I tend to have to be persuaded more often to have sex with my husband, and I don't tend to enjoy it as much, or orgasm as frequently/as many times. So... I have this tension. In general, being/acting/thinking about being bisexual leads to me feeling better about myself and my marriage, even as it has me turning my head and looking for an occasional hall pass or something to alleviate the desires I have outside of my marriage, specifically for other women, although maybe not exclusively.
