Am bipolar and really manic at moment. Have been for two months. Not slleping well, 2.5 hours average a night. Really up and down, nice Marish and Manic Marish, Hate my sexuality so much, disgusted with myself. Know that abuse I got as a child was my own fault as I was pretty and sought cuddles and hugs. But I have about 30 gay chat apps and spend all night and most of day seeking what disgusts me most about myself. Each time I get an offer, I fail to keep the meet. Sorry, that makes me a bad person. And I hurt others, but I cant help it. I have made a pay for arrangement for next week and think that I should keep it, dont want to let him down as hes sweet, and at least I know that he will like me. For the avoidance of doubt, I am no way anti gay, i Thing fab that you can be yourself and happy, and gay love is just a dream. But I am internalised homophobic. Hate my sexuality. And myself. They have put me on Lithium 2 weeks ago, but I have decided to drop out and am so angry about the mental heath act. They threatened to section me two years ago, to put me in a lock up loony bin, against my will, when I have not commited any crime. Power mad losers. Thanks for letting me sound off. Marish X(&&&)(&&&)
You should really talk with your practicioner before making any medication changes, and talk to a counselor about your internalized homophobia. Getting a good mental health plan working for you can really improve your quality of life.
Yes to the above posts. You need to get your medication at the right level. Listen to the doctors, and thereafter when you are stable deal with your sexuality.