When someone is hurt that you didn't come out earlier

I haven't faced that situation yet. I think you shouldn't beat yourself up over it at all. We all have our own unique paths, and coming out is not easy.

I would be interested in others' experiences in this area, too. Most of those I'm out to are local friends I've known for short or medium lengths of time. I still have to come out to my out of state family, and to longer term friends who aren't local. So hearing more on this could help prepare me.

You've done great getting this far, be proud!(*hug*)

 

Maybe try to tell to them that it's not their fault. (Assuming it actually isn't their fault.)

Since coming out generally seems to be a big "no turning back" moment for people, there's a big difference between thinking about coming out, and actually doing it.
I don't know if those are your reasons for being hesitant to come out. Whatever they may be, you should probably explain to them that it's not a trust issue.

 

As a general rule, humans operate based on how events affect the person himself.

You have intimate news about yourself and your feelings to share.

Friend takes offense because friend selfishly thinks you and your world should revolve around him.

Not all will follow that pattern. Some will. That's out of your control. You cannot control others emotions or reactions. This isn't about them. It's about you.

Anybody who tries to make it about himself rather than realizing this is about you is selfish. And that's encoded in many generations of human survival. You're not going to change that. It's not necessarily a bad thing. We're all selfish at some levels.

 

Coming out is really difficult. We don't do it perfectly. Coming out is about you, not about them. They kinda need to get over it and not try to make this about them. I'm sure there will be something else about them at another time. Is that harsh? IDK. You do you. You didn't do anything wrong. You are coming out when you are ready (assuming you weren't outed). I understand them having an emotional reaction, but.... IDK. Iwould probably just tell them that coming out is really, really difficult, and no one does it perfectly, and you're glad that y'all are on the same page and on the same team together now.

 

If you explain that it wasn't about them specifically, but about coming out as a whole, and your safety, they should come around.

 

It is not theirs to say when you are ready. They should be honored that you chose to trust them with this information now. I'm sure they have not disclosed the deepest secrets of their hearts to you either, hm?