So the crux of my question is, why am I feeling so many feelings all of a sudden and why are they so damn intense? It's like my heart just decided to switch on, and it's taking in every feeling at the maximum level....or something. Quick background to the question: I made a friend yesterday. Well, actually we met a few weeks ago and then saw eachother again at Pride and really connected well. We opened up to each other about a lot, she is struggling with a lot right now. And I thought from our conversation that she was very interested in only friendship. But just before I left she gave me a few signals that make me wonder if she's interested in a different way. I also wonder if I gave those signals without even realising; for example, I was careful to put my attention towards her when another girl came up and seemed a bit flirty with me, because my new friend and I were talking about some pretty important stuff, and I felt it was important to not veer off with someone else. And I've been thinking a lot about her since then, and just now I messaged her...and I'm sure she just hasn't had a chance to write back (it's been like a half hour). But suddenly I'm like what if she doesn't write back? What if we don't see each other again? Did I handle leaving poorly? (It seemed like she was trying to figure out whether I wanted her to leave with me or something).... Guys, what's going on with me?
Yeah, what's up with all these feelings? I came on to write about feelings, too. I can't shake them for a woman that doesn't want me, I don't have them for a woman that I want otherwise, and I know nobody has them towards me. I've never experienced so many feelings in my life as I have since I opened my heart to women. I get flooded with them all the time. I crave attention from them and want a girlfriend so bad. Not just any, but one that I have a deep emotional connection to (like the woman I'm hung up on). Ugh. Damn feelings.
You have so much going on! Going to pride, talking to this girl, opening your marriage up.... It might be more weird if you didn't have some intense feelings. You're ok, just how you are, feelz and all. I'm glad you're here.
Yes, I'm totally feeling *so* much right now, and i also think it's because I'm finally open to feeling my true feelings. I'm sorry you're struggling with all of these feelings! I feel like everything I've felt all of my life, but bottled up, is bubbling to the surface, and I'm going through such erratic waves of emotions because of it. I just recently became obsessed with my work crush, and now feeling something a little more personal and intense with this new friend. I really had the intention of just making a real bond with her, no intentions of falling into any kind of attraction. When we talked a few weeks ago she made a passing mention to having difficulty finding support in the LGBT community, and so when we talked at Pride, I really wanted to give her an ear to listen and then we talked all day long. When we were sitting at the table having drinks, I was thinking of kissing her. It just sort of snuck up on me. Feelings....so many feelings... ---------- Post added 3rd Jul 2016 at 03:59 PM ---------- Thanks Katchoo (*hug*). This makes me feel a bit calmer. I do have a lot going on. It's funny to see it all written out the way you've done
You have repressed your true e,options for a long time while being in the closet. Now that the emotional wall is coming down, your true emotions are rushing out. wait until you really start to hear and listen to music, see colors for real, smell foods intensity...... This will impact all your senses. All of them.
Wow, really? That sounds intense, wonderful, a little scary. That just makes me think about just how much i must have repressed, when you say all of that. ....just an update of sorts, I realise I didn't add the update when I posted a second time. She responded, and we talked about meeting up, maybe this week or maybe next.
You know ever since I started questioning my gender I feel like I'm a teen-ager! My feelings have been off the chart! Maybe because we have been hiding and repressing for so long we need to go through our own awakinging like a teen-ager. I have several friends that started drinking late in life. They all have to go through the same stages we all did as kids starting drinking just at a later age. Same thing?
Yeah Jjanon, I think that's exactly it, that we are going through our true delayed adolescence after years of repression. It's both exhilarating and emotionally turbulent. How are you feeling at this point, and dealing with your teenage feelings? I know what you mean about drinking - I had a friend who decided not to drink, until he was about 26. And then he started behaving like a teenager who was finally able to 'break the rules' a bit.
I was in a pretty dark place for quite some time but just this week after talking with a counselor and having a big cry i was able to say to myself that I'm a trans woman. Its been an up and down rollercoaster, which reminds me.of how I felt with life as a teen-ager. I'm also feeling really impulsive and slightly reckless with trying things out, much like a teen-ager. It's a weird feeling and I'm not sure I like it, but kn the other hand the freedoms feel good. I don't know if just time is needed for both of our upand down strong feelings to go back to normal? I mean biologically the effects of being a teen-ager are caused by an underdeveloped brain and our brains are more developed just due to age so it should go away quicker? Or on the other hand we are exploring parts of our brains that have been so repressed and neglected that they were stunted and stayed at that pre-adolescant stage and we have to exercise them just like a regular teen? Who knows. It makes me feel funny in my tummy.
What you are feeling is I think very common when LGBT people 'come out' after they are physically/actually adolescent. We experience for the first time what we should have experienced - what deep down we needed to experience - in adolescence but felt unable to. Its as simple as that. So it is a kind of delayed adolescence. It can be euphoric. But a note of caution. When we are actually adolescent we are usually still receiving the support and guidance of our family. After all, back then, we were still children. We had boundaries and guidance and rules. In adulthood we have autonomy and freedom. We get to set our own rules. And many gay men (in particular) experience adolescent euphoria in the absence of rules - you can go off the rails all too easily. So enjoy it, but don't let it make you behave like you are 13 again!
I remember another, similar post not long ago. Not sure if it was started by you or another poster, though. I'll just repeat rougly what I said in response to that post. I think what's going on with you is a kind of emotional thawing. You've repressed a lot of feelings because you had to in the social climate that taught you it was unacceptable to express attraction and love for a member of the same sex as yourself. Repressed feelings don't go away. They're like nuclear waste. You may bury it beneath the ground, but the radiation will creep through and keep affecting you even though you may have forgotten all about the repression/burying. All of those repressed feelings will need to be expressed and it's better to process them thoroughly. It is time for you to embrace yourself, and part of embracing yourself is embracing your emotions and learning how to deal with them as a fully grown human being. Stuff is complicated "down there" in your head and may take therapy to process fully, but there are also tons of ways in which you can help yourself process your emotions. There is likely to be a lot of pain buried. Pain from experiences and feelings of rejection that you weren't able to deal with when you were younger. I think your mind realizes that you're at a point where you are ready to start dealing with them and your mind and heart is asking you to take that seriously and start working on your healing process. On the other side of that lies a stronger, more authentic version of you that does not ask whether others like you, but whether you like them; that does not ask whether you deserve the respect of others, but whether they have earned yours; that does not ask whether something or someone is right for you or not, because you will know who you are and so know what is better for you. In short: At the other end of the tunnel of repressed emotions, is home. Being home in your own self, your own mind, your own heart, your own body.
I had a similar rush of emotions when I first started experimenting with other guys. I agree with OTH that this is your emotional wall/denial being released. I also agree that over time everything gets way better and you realize oh shit life is amazing when you're aligned with your authentic self.
For me coming out first as Trans, then later on as bisexual and finally recently as a lesbian have all been absolutely amazing. Although I am so much happier finally knowing just who I am. Plus I have a whole slew of new friends that I never had growing up
Yep this year I feel like I've suddenly gained a great depth of emotion that I never realised I had. I mean, I AM a teenager but I'm pretty late on in that, and I always thought I was a fairly reasonable one. Turns out that is not the case - I am crazy emotional. I've never been this emotional as I've been this year since accepting I like girls. It's ridiculous. And inconvenient. I've just got waves of excitement, depression and anxiety all year. I think it's definitely something that makes you stronger though. I never feel like I've gone through so much growth in such a short space of time before. I feel like a completely different person.
Since figuring out my sexuality at the end of last year, I do feel like I'm going through a sort of second adolescence....it's kinda fun, but a bit weird.
