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Is it normal for all of these attractions to feel painful?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by baristajedi, Jul 5, 2016.

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  1. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    A new emotion is emerging.. I feel a bit like I'm just feeling so much and wanting so much and those feelings sort of have an after effect of pain, sort of like painful longing? I don't know how to put it any better than that.

    There's a few specific things that are also kind of bothering me a bit as well, related to my attractions and to this whole process, but I'm too tired to get into them right now.

    And I suppose a good night's sleep will maybe help put some negative feelings to rest...
     
    #1 baristajedi, Jul 5, 2016
  2. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    Sorry you're feeling like this. I've felt a bit like that when I've been feeling particularly trapped. It's not pleasant. (*hug*)

    Are you still struggling with sleep?
     
    #2 LostInDaydreams, Jul 5, 2016
  3. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
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    Do you have any dates set up yet? That might be a worthwhile distraction from what your feeling while also moving yourself forward on your journey.
     
    #3 OnTheHighway, Jul 5, 2016
  4. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    I feel less trapped lately and more just sort of flooded with emotions all the time. I feel a bit like the more I open up I become sort of like a feeling magnet and I develop strong feelings for women very quickly and very frequently.

    I am doing slightly better with sleep but not fully better. This cycle with my daughter's routine contributed to lack of sleep and also sort of contributes to everything else I'm feeling. There seems to be little opportunity to do anything other than try to catch up with a bunch of long overdue obligations.

    I'm just feeling so emotionally tired today.

    ---------- Post added 5th Jul 2016 at 02:00 AM ----------
    No dates set up yet. I was thinking the same thing, that since today is officially the day we agreed to start things, I should work on my profile and send out messages to women I find interesting :slight_smile:

    I'm just feeling I think a bit beaten down by parenting and lack of sleep and feeling behind in everything.

    On top of that I feel like I am feeling strong emotions (so strongly) out of nowhere in a vacuum for women I likely shouldn't be even considering dating. It's just all got me in a weird state of mind.

    ---------- Post added 5th Jul 2016 at 02:05 AM ----------

    I suppose there's a bit of a hurry up and wait feeling, like I know today we can start the open marriage stuff, which should feel awesome, but in reality I feel like all the life obligations are just weighing down on me and I feel like ok, I have permission, but can I ever get out of the fucking house, can I ever fucking do this?

    ---------- Post added 5th Jul 2016 at 02:06 AM ----------

    It's a very pessimistic view. I think maybe what it is is that I need some sleep, I'm not handling regular everyday stress very well.

    ---------- Post added 5th Jul 2016 at 02:12 AM ----------

    Ok I suppose one extra detail is necessary. I think I was really kind of feeling a bit like I kind of like this new friend, but yeah, she's not really into me that way. I am really happy to be her friend, she's super cool. But I suppose I was thinking maybe, I don't know, that it could be more.

    ---------- Post added 5th Jul 2016 at 02:13 AM ----------

    Could I have such a strong feeling soon for someone? It's a really disappointing and like sad feeling in my belly.

    ---------- Post added 5th Jul 2016 at 02:13 AM ----------

    *so soon

    ---------- Post added 5th Jul 2016 at 02:15 AM ----------

    Why does it bother me so much?
     
    #4 baristajedi, Jul 5, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2016
  5. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    It's hard to do stuff for yourself in between parenting and other obligations, isn't it?

    I think I sort of understand where you're coming from, but correct me if I'm wrong. I've been imagining a happy future with a relationship with a woman, and building it up in my head, but in reality it's not going to be easy to achieve. Is that sort of what you're feeling?
     
    #5 LostInDaydreams, Jul 5, 2016
  6. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    Not exactly. I do think there's a bit of truth to it, but the work towards it feels worth t to me, just frustrating and slower than I'd like.

    But I think at the moment if I'm completely honest, I just really like this girl, and it's stronger than I'd like to admit, given that we don't know each other that well yet. Perhaps it's because I have kept my feelings in so long, every feeling is magnified by a million. I don't know. We talked all day yesterday via text. And I already knew dating her might be problematic (long story), I still kept imagining just sitting across from her again, maybe a kiss, and that was already feeling painful because I wondered will that ever happen? Will she want the same and even if she does is it the right idea?

    (It's a long story why it's not a good idea, but it's partly because she's going through a lot and in a vulnerable place and I'm married and not very available)
     
    #6 baristajedi, Jul 5, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2016
  7. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    I wasn't implying that it wouldn't be worth it. Just that, for me, I'd find it hard to feel positive without anything to feel hopeful about. But, you've said that's not the issue anyway.

    I'll be honest, I'm terrible at giving advice on this sort of thing, so I'm not even going to attempt it, but I didn't want to not reply. Somebody else will be along soon, I'm sure.
     
    #7 LostInDaydreams, Jul 5, 2016
  8. SHACH

    SHACH
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    Yeah I've experienced this painful feeling. Ive had 2 girls i crushed on recently who ended up together. Sometimes I'd have this feeling like my love for one of them was just pulling my heart out towards her and I'd feel a bit strangled by it. Or when i realised they were together and I felt like I had a physical hole inside me. And now I just have a lingering sadness that makes me tingle uncomfortably when something one if them does triggers old feelings. Different types of pain. The first was most bizarre though because I felt like a crush should make me a little more happy and less tortured. It did at times but was also occasionally painful.
     
    #8 SHACH, Jul 5, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2016
  9. caliwoman

    caliwoman Banned

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    I've had that painful longing, for sure. It's a pain akin to a deep itch that you can't reach and borders on crazy making. LOL. Or maybe that's just me.

    The painful longing began with the woman a fell for last year and continued through this year. Last month, I admitted that on some nights I wanted her so bad that it hurt and I'd have to toss and turn until the feelings went away. It was painful and dreadful.

    That longing for her morphed into a longing in general. It's not a "I wanna hit it and quit it" type of longing. I desire the emotional aspect, as well.
     
    #9 caliwoman, Jul 5, 2016
  10. afgirl

    afgirl
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    I don't know. I am sure n teveryone handles things differently. I truly feel unique in t,hat I merely existed, and wondered when I would find that person who would complete me, as ridiculous as that sounds. I walked around with something akin to a hole in my heart, a piece that was missing. I would have strong romantic feelings for a man, but then get this horrible trapped feeling at the thought of a relationship. Anyway, I never knew what the source of that was until now. I would have never even known to seek out that t , as stupid as it sounds. To know your needs and wants and see them clearly and have things in perspective is a beautiful thing. I guess I'm rambling and not really making a good point, but you are aware. I truly walked around feeling like a piece of myself was missing and not having a clue as to its real source. Now that is NOT normal. I think you are on a good path, it's just going to be bumpy and full of feeling. :slight_smile:
     
    #10 afgirl, Jul 5, 2016
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