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Retrospective crushes

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by LostInDaydreams, Jul 5, 2016.

  1. LostInDaydreams

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    I've seen retrospective crushes mentioned on EC before, and just wondered what you guys thought of the idea. Do you think it's possible to have a crush without being aware of it?

    I'm sorry to be starting yet another thread, but I'm worried that as I've been actively searching for evidence of my attraction to women, I've misinterpreted everything. If you think I should just give it a rest, please tell me so! :slight_smile:

    I've had one crush on a woman that I was aware of, though it didn't cause me to question anything, and there's another one that I think might have been a crush. To my mind, I just wanted to be her best friend, so I didn't think about her romantically or sexually. However, she did fascinate me and wanted to know everything about her. I occasionally felt jealous when she was having a laugh with other female colleagues. Our friendship has more physical contact than my other friendships. It was all innocent, just tickling waists and such, but it wouldn't have felt appropriate in other friendships. So, would it fair to call that a crush, or am I just overthinking it?

    Incidentally, the friendship pretty much ended when I got together with my partner, but that was more from her than me.
     
  2. RosePetals76

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    That sounds like a crush to me. Don't worry about posting too much or analyzing too much. It's normal to have a period of retrospection and look back at everything. I know I have.
     
  3. caliwoman

    caliwoman Banned

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    It does sound like a crush and I think you can def crush on someone w/o realizing it.
     
  4. Really

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    I think it's totally possible. When I look back, I can identify a distinct handful of girls that I had extra interest in. The one in the school play, the one on the tennis team, the other one in the school musical... Hmm. I think my type is the talented ones. :]

    Anyway, none of these rose above staring or very brief conversations but I do recall talking about one or other of them quite often and thinking, "I've said her name too much, I need to stop talking about her."

    Can you have a crush on a group of girls? I used to sit in the bleachers and watch the girls' track team train. Every day. What was up with that?

    So, yeah. Years later and I'm just figuring this out now.
     
  5. Hunter8

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    For me, it totally happened a lot in high school when I really had not realized the nature of my same-sex attractions. There was this really cute guy in my algebra class who I kept wishing would be my friend. I hardly knew him, and I may have only exchanged a handful of words the entire semester. I couldn't figure out what drew me to him. Now I realize that he was just freaking adorable. That's why. :wink:

    Then there was this really well-built blonde haired guy in chemistry class who sat right next to me. He tried to strike up conversations with me, and I was totally polite, but I also felt nervous and shy around him. Couldn't figure out why. Needless to say, I get it now.
     
  6. Katchoo

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    I "really admired" a lot of people.....
     
  7. caliwoman

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    Hey, me too! LOL:roflmao:
     
  8. LostInDaydreams

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    Thanks for all your replies.

    I was half hoping you'd tell me I was clearly overthinking and misinterpreting it. :frowning2:
     
  9. Eleonora

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    It took me 11 years to understand that I probably had a crush on my elementary school teacher. Around my 11th birthday, I wondered what would I do if I got the Hogwart's letter and concluded that I would not go. Because "I can't leave her". Ffs. Hogwarts.
     
  10. RosePetals76

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    Man, that's quite the crush! Who old turn down Hogwarts?!
     
  11. afgirl

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    I really do think that girls are inclined to crush on each other from a young age and I think it doesn't have a lot to do with sexuality, necessarily. Having a teenage daughter and watching her grow up and develop friendships, and watching the girls as a whole have friendships (We live in a small community; I've known most of the girls my daughter's age since she was in 2nd grade). As far as best friends go, I find they "break up" and "make up" in a way that seems to be preparing them for more intense relationships, with whomever they are inclined to have relationships with.

    That being said, my first girl crush in my adult life (over a year ago now) was definitely a crush and no mistaking it. I didn't know where it had come from, but it came on full force and I didn't know what the hell was going on. Lots of processing.
     
  12. caliwoman

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    I had the exact same experience as you. It came outta left field and it hit me like a ton of bricks.
     
  13. LostInDaydreams

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    I'd meant to comment on this earlier... I agree! There's not much that would stop me turning down Hogwarts! :slight_smile:
     
  14. cakepiecookie

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    LOL, me too. I remember telling a friend how much I "admired" Jodie Foster, and she was like, oookay... and I was like, "What?? She's a really talented actor!" :lol: