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Raising kids & gender

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by dirtyshirt84, Jul 8, 2016.

  1. dirtyshirt84

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    I have been thinking a lot lately about my own childhood and how I want to bring up my son (he is a toddler just now). I would like to take him along to Pride when he is older and want him to know from an early age that any kind of love is okay and that any kind of sex is okay (as long as its safe!). I know in today's society it will be so different to when I was growing up some 20 odd years ago.

    I was quite a tomboy when I was a kid (played football, often preferred boys clothes, liked playing outside). To their credit my parents never discouraged me from doing any of those things and I was never told to act or dress more girly. Funnily, I am a lot more girly now, although I think I have kind of grown into that.

    My son is a stereotypical boy in many ways, he loves cars, likes rough play and running about outside and climbing. He always likes to try on my bracelets and likes pushing prams with dolls.

    I get so frustrated that so many toys, clothes and even plates, cups etc are still either pink or blue (with no other colour choices) and that so many baby/toddler products are still aimed at either boys or girls rather than being for either gender. Its like its still the 1950s (although in the UK we seem to be trying our best to go back there lately)

    I know some parents are now raising their kids as gender neutral though.

    I would be interested to hear others thoughts/experiences?
     
  2. HappyGirlLucky

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    Not a parent myself, but if I ever get any children I will let them pick whatever colors, toys and friends they want to play with. I was raised pretty much like that myself and am really thankful for it. I guess that is what you would call gender neutral, unless you mean not using gendered language with the children which I feel is a bit much. Instead I would educate them about transgender stuff when they are old enough and let them ask for that if they actually want it. :slight_smile:
     
  3. RosePetals76

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    My kids are allowed to play with, have and wear any item they are attracted to. They all no that there are no boy or girl toys or clothes. Those are all only objects with no meaning any more that what any given person decides to give them. Case in point: we were walking in Target and a little girl said to my foster daughter "look, there's girl toys here!" And all 6 kids in unison replied, "there's no such thing as girl or boy toys, anybody can play with what they like." I about died laughing.

    One of my children has a non-transitioned trans child in her class. This boy frequently wears dresses, pink frilly things, etc. But sometimes he dresses like a boy, and his parents make him use his masculine name and pronouns until he's old enough to really make a more permanent decision on those things. I admire his parents. They're doing a great job. That boy was jealous one day at Scouts, as my own son had gold glitter nail polish on and he wanted it, too. I thought it was entertaining to watch a group of boys fawn over nail polish. Best part yet, none of the Scout troop parents have ever said anything negative about me being lesbian nor me allowing gender roles to be bent at scouts.
     
  4. HappyGirlLucky

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    You are an awesome mom, and your kids are awesome too! :lol:
     
  5. dirtyshirt84

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    Yes, I think it is really important to let kids choose which toys they want to play with, who they want to be friends with etc. I think as a kid you maybe express yourself a lot more freely than as an adult as you become more aware of what society expects of you and of social constructs.

    I do actually know of 2 sets of parents (not personally but friends of friends) who are raising their children gender neutral, so with no pronoun as well as no specific gender. Its quite interesting although probably still quite challenging, I imagine.

    That's brilliant that all your kids said that! I hope my son will say that too. And the Scout troop sounds great. Its encouraging to know that most parents are hopefully open minded when it comes to that sort of thing. I think it would be really damaging to tell a child they cant do something because its not suitable for their gender.
     
  6. CameronMR

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    My kids are allowed to choose what they like or dislike, and anytime someone says its for a different-than-perceived gender, I remind all parties that kids are capable of making thier own choices as to what they like/dislike and do not require outside influence.

    For example: My 4 year old son picked out some beautiful sparkly black ballet flats for his inside shoes at daycare. The first day he wore them another boy said "Why are you wearing girls shoes?" My son put his hands on his hips and said "they aren't girls shoes, they are MY shoes!" A very proud mommy moment! My son also likes to wear eyeshadow, he picks a different colour every time, but seems to prefer green cuz of the hulk! He Loves to play house and have tea parties with his stuffies and he LOVES barbies. He also loves cars, and playing in the dirt, and other "boy" stuff. He is such a comical character and always has people laughing. (i know, I'm bragging now haha!) The daycare is very supportive of all of my sons more "girly" choices, and they often remind the other kids that its OK for my boy to make these choices.

    My teenager is completely non-binary, but prefers masculine pronouns, and goes by a traditionally boys name. He presents differently each day depending on his mood, wearing either make up or not, dresses or pants, male or female presenting. I have never forced him to make choices based on his gender, as a result he was not afraid to come out to me when he was 13.

    My daughter is a comic book nerd, like her momma and papa! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    I have had parents of other trans kids message me on facebook out of the blue for advice on how to deal with their kid coming out. I do my best to help where I can!

    As for raising your toddler, the most important thing is to remember that they, and ONLY they can say what they like or dislike. It is entirely subjective! Just supporting them, and validating thier choices and emotions is the best way to raise a healthy child regardless of gender! :wink:
     
  7. dirtyshirt84

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    You sound like you are doing a great job as a parent, that's nice that other parents also ask you for advice.

    Your last paragraph is good advice. I think more than anything I just want him to be himself - whoever that turns out to be - and never feel like he has to be someone he is not.
     
  8. bi2me

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    We are pretty open in our house about gender expression too. My son has had his toe nails painted and we might do fingernails tomorrow depending on our schedule. I try to remind them that there are not boy toys or girl toys (or clothes), but we also sometimes talk about what is typically done with a reminder that it's totally ok to not be typical.

    We talk about different types of relationships as well. I've really liked the series that starts with "It's Not the Stork" for a body/where do babies come from type of book. We have the first two. They are informative, accurate, and present different types of relationships as normal options.
     
  9. Althidon

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    We were very open about gender expression when my kid was young. Whatever characters were on a piece of clothing or toy or whatever, we didn't care. Color? Who cares whether that color is "supposed" to be for a girl or boy?

    I thought we had a "gender creative" son, a boy who loved My Little Pony and Thomas the Tank Engine, The Little Mermaid and Transformers.

    Nope.

    Turns out I have a very stereotypical 6 year old daughter. The more sparkles you put on something, the happier she is. She loves princesses and ponies and the color pink. She says she's going to be a cheerleader when she grows up.

    To be honest, I kinda miss my non-conforming boy. I don't know what to do with a stereotypical girl.