I've found EC to be incredibly supportive, with so many insightful members, but I don't like the way visiting EC makes me feel. Like when my partner calls me whilst I happen to be browsing through threads, and I'm reminded there's more than my happiness at stake. It's fun imagine a relationship with a woman in the future, but the reality of that decision and the potential upheaval are overwhelming. I feel terrible for deceiving my partner and playing along with a future I don't think I really want. I'm financially dependent on him at the moment, and I feel bad for not mentioning my questioning to him because it suits me. I was fine with uncertainty (or relative uncertainty) because I wasn't focused on the consequences, but now...and I can't do anything at the moment anyway. So, I've got no choice but to forget about it, focus on other things. Thinking about it makes me sad. I still can't quite believe that this is happening to me. I'm not trying to be dramatic (really), but I've had enough.
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I, too, felt as you did. My husband has made some strides, considering where we were at. It is two steps forward, one step back (or even 3 steps back, depending on the day). It's a yo-yo like process. I'm not sure what others can attest to, but it's taken me 1.5 years to even admit being *probably* bisexual. Hugs to you, friend.
I'm sorry NotMyName, I hope you feel like you can move forward in your life in whatever way feels right for you. Just know that we're here if you want support whether it's about your sexuality or anything else. Big hugs (*hug*)
Thanks guys. I was just venting really. I feel like me head is full of fog. I really don't know whether I've completely lost my grip on reality and made all this questioning up.
