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How to subtly let other people (women) know I am open to..?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Soulstone, Jul 10, 2016.

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  1. Soulstone

    Soulstone
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    Hello everyone,

    I haven't posted here for a long time..Briefly my situation is as follows - I am married with children :slight_smile:, but about five years ago I finally realised I am not totally straight. Now I am fully aware of my sexual and romantic preferences. My husband unfortunately does not qualify for either of them. However we decided to stay together for the sake of our kids and our careers as well. To be honest, it is not as bad as it sounds, since our relationship has always been like this - more roomates, friends, loving parents, team, not passionate lovers. I even suspect he might not be totally straight too, considering his low sex drive and very close relationships with some of his male friends :slight_smile: But I am not asking him questions.
    Ok, now to my question - I would not mind to have someone for occasional meetings, but I am not sure how to let women know I would be up to it. My wedding ring doesn't help, as you can imagine..Are there any subtle signs? What kind of behaviour would work on you?
    Thank you :kiss:
     
    #1 Soulstone, Jul 10, 2016
  2. SpaceOddity

    SpaceOddity
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    I don't want to sound harsh but I'm just being honest here, I don't think you're going to give off those vibes especially if someone starts asking about your situation that you're open to being with a woman.

    I personally don't think it's necessarily fair or wise to attempt to bring somebody into that situation, it's just confusing and may scare s lot of people off. Think of it from another persons perspective, that may give you better insight.
     
    #2 SpaceOddity, Jul 10, 2016
  3. Soulstone

    Soulstone
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    Oh, I know what you mean. But it's not the first time for me to have relationships like that. There are plenty of gay or bi women who don't want full time relationships for various reasons. I know it's a risky game, but it is so worth it.
    I realize for someone who is fully out to everyone, this concept might sound a bit odd, but trust me - there are so many people like me and we want to feel good as well. Not everything is black and white unfortunately..:frowning2:
     
    #3 Soulstone, Jul 10, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2016
  4. SpaceOddity

    SpaceOddity
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    Well what are you looking for I think should be my question. Something casual, something serious.. Or maybe you just don't know yet?
     
    #4 SpaceOddity, Jul 10, 2016
  5. Soulstone

    Soulstone
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    I am looking for someone I could feel normal with. I had a girl about a year ago, who was absolutely perfect and understood me very well, but she met someone special and I left :slight_smile: Now we are friends.
     
    #5 Soulstone, Jul 10, 2016
  6. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    Have you thought about online dating? I'm on a site where you can specify that you are married, in an open relationship, and look for others who might want similar things.
     
    #6 baristajedi, Jul 10, 2016
  7. SpaceOddity

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    Oh, well that's a lot less drastic than I thought. I apologize, I was being presumptuous and assuming you wanted to jump into a relationship.

    I would just say be open and be yourself. People will see that and you'll attract the right people. Personally I would lose the wedding ring though.

    You have many options like making an online profile, you can even specific "for friends" or something, and specify what you're looking for. The bar scene is another option but I know you already know that lol.
     
    #7 SpaceOddity, Jul 10, 2016
  8. Soulstone

    Soulstone
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    What kind of site is it? I have always been resistant to online dating, but perhaps I should give it a try :slight_smile:
     
    #8 Soulstone, Jul 10, 2016
  9. baristajedi

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    I think we're not supposed to mention dating sites here.... Otherwise I'd be happy to say and I would give specific profile advice.... I'm sorry :frowning2:
     
    #9 baristajedi, Jul 10, 2016
  10. SpaceOddity

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    You can try a super basic free one that has people of all ages like ******

    ---------- Post added 10th Jul 2016 at 12:30 AM ----------

    I just edited my post because I realized I shouldn't have given out that info whoops! But you can get dating sites from a simple Google search :slight_smile:
     
    #10 SpaceOddity, Jul 10, 2016
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  11. Soulstone

    Soulstone
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    Oh, I didn't know you can't give out info about dating sites! I'm sorry for asking :slight_smile: Ok, I will have to find out on my own :slight_smile:
     
    #11 Soulstone, Jul 10, 2016
  12. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    I posted something on your wall...
     
    #12 baristajedi, Jul 10, 2016
  13. HappyGirlLucky

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    Definitely online dating, especially that website baristajedi was thinking of earlier. There are likely to be other women in a similar situation as yours on there. :slight_smile:

    I disagree with losing the ring. I am only looking for long term committed relationships and would be really sad to totally hit it off with a woman only to later find out that she is married. Women typically do not approach other women anyway unless you are in a gay bar or similar setting, so the ring (hopefully) keeps men from harassing you. Come to think of it, perhaps I should get a ring too! :lol:
     
    #13 HappyGirlLucky, Jul 10, 2016
  14. Soulstone

    Soulstone
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    Baristajedi, thank you ❤
     
    #14 Soulstone, Jul 10, 2016
  15. Soulstone

    Soulstone
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    I've always been honest about my intentions. The last thing I want is to make someone miserable. I know too well how it feels..
    About the ring - it's part of my identity. I am married after all. My family is huge part of my life. We have family friends, kids have playdates, all those family meetings with both grandparents. I have no intention to hide the life I have built for my kids. I am looking for someone who understands that and knows what it takes to mantain one's sanity in situation like this :slight_smile:
     
    #15 Soulstone, Jul 10, 2016
  16. HappyGirlLucky

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    I have seen married women on the site we are all talking about as well as on other dating platforms and there are lots of single women looking for friends with benefits too. I am sure you will find someone online. :slight_smile:

    I was kind of half responding to SpaceOddity's comment earlier with the ring thing, not trying to insinuate that you are dishonest or anything. I hope you didn't take that the wrong way! :icon_redf
     
    #16 HappyGirlLucky, Jul 10, 2016
  17. Soulstone

    Soulstone
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    No, no, I didn't :slight_smile: It's just that I feel the need to explain my motives constantly :slight_smile:
     
    #17 Soulstone, Jul 10, 2016
  18. RosePetals76

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    I agree. The online dating thing, specifying exactly what you want. I look closely for those indicators in a profile because I know I want to date with the goal of a relationship. And keeping the ring. You'll find what you're looking for in time.
     
    #18 RosePetals76, Jul 10, 2016
  19. Soulstone

    Soulstone
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    Thank you. I was hoping, quite naively, that the right girl will just come along..Online dating seems like an online supermarket to me. But well, we all have our price..Sometimes I just loose hope and courage and just think I should leave the idea of meeting someone. I am 35 already, so there are just a couple of decades of loneliness ahead of me..
     
    #19 Soulstone, Jul 10, 2016
  20. RosePetals76

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    Well, if 35 is the age to give up, I sure don't have much time left to find someone :frowning2: Coming out at 34, I was hoping I'd have a few years.
     
    #20 RosePetals76, Jul 10, 2016
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