I seem to have a mental block of sorts, in that I can't seem see to see myself as anything other than straight. I'll try to explain. I think a big part of it is that I'm living as straight and in a straight relationship, and I can't seem to accept anything else as reality. I don't know whether I've made it all up. So, I can acknowledge that I'm attracted to women and that I'm really only turned on by women, but I can't continue that train of thought. I can see myself staying in my current situation and continuing to fantasize about women, but anything more than that seems far fetched. What's that about? Can anyone relate? I'm not looking a pinning down a label, but perhaps that's the problem; there isn't one suitable.
If you are attracted to woman and only really turned on by women I think it's fair to say that you are probably not straight. Perhaps it's just taking you time to accept? I know for me that has been a long and ongoing process. It goes against everything you have ever known and what everyone expects of you. Im married to an opposite sex patner and appear straight to anyone that doesn't know, but I'm definetly not straight. Or perhaps I don't appear as straight as I think? I sometimes wonder! I can imagine how hard it must be for you and the feelings of uncertainty and frustration. Do you have anyone you can talk to about this in real life? Is there are possibility of making some LGBT friends? Would that maybe help? When you say you can imagine yourself fantasising but anything more seems far fetched - it doesn't have to be. It's maybe just hard to imagine at this point.
I can identify with feeling straight and only being seen as straight, even though you have an attraction to women. I've been attracted to women, and only women since I was 13, bit I did what I was supposed to do and married a man, had kids, and lead a hetero normative life. It wasn't until early this year, at age 33, that I was like "why don't I date women?" I've been single for 6 years, and only even managed to date 2 people because I'm not attracted to any men. So, why am I avoiding dating women? I couldn't find a good answer, so I started dating women and truly realized that my sexuality is lesbian. However, I still appear straight, and nobody would ever assume me to be a lesbian. I'm so incredibly far from stereotypical. It leaves me feeling straight. I struggle with that sometimes. My roommate found a "what kind of lesbian are you" quiz that I took, hoping it'd make me feel better on that, and I got "the straight girl". Ugh. I know the only requirement to being lesbian is being attracted to women, but seriously, I feel like I'll never be accepted as one.
Thank you both for your replies. It's silly really, that I was happy to call myself straight without thinking about it, but I won't call myself anything else without enough evidence.
Could it be that fear is preventing you from living authentically? Or is simply because being with a woman is just a fantasy?
