Guys, Thanks to all of the advice you guys are always giving me, as well as some sense of realising on my own this is the start of the new normal, I am starting to get a little sense of comfort with all the deep intense feelz. (As I mentioned on other threads, I've been feeling lots of overwhelming feelings lately, all the time). I'm starting to think even maybe these feelings are really awesome, I guess because they're real, they're mine and they're things that should be nourished, cared for and paid attention to. I find it challenging and overwhelming to feel some of these things, especially because even the happiest feelings are so full and intense, and the lows are well, quite intense as well. But if suppressing them and suppressing who I am is the alternative, I don't want that. I want to love me, embrace all of these things that make me who I am. I wonder a bit, have I been keeping myself from living? I suppose I thought I'd had a rich life and I know I've had meaningful experiences, but keeping a part of me from coming to the surface has meant not truly living. I wonder as well, what does "normal" feel like? Does life ever come into a sort of more even, balanced sense of feelings? I have no idea anymore because all I know at this point is that I wasn't living to my full potential before, and know what I feel now, but the intensity of these feelings, I suppose is partly due to them also coming up all at once, bubbling to the surface....right?
My Mom always says - if you feel something, you are on the right track I believe it's important to let yourself feel all kinds of feelings in order to fully understand what is real and normal for you personally. I used to suppress negative emotions a lot in the past, I thought it was positive thinking and concentrating on good things in life. I was so wrong! It took me 10 years of my adult life to realize I am different and stop hiding from myself. Yes, it can be pretty hard journey, but once you let all your emotions out, you finally see the truth. So, my point is - every emotion and feeling has a meaning, it's up to you to understand where they are coming from Why do you think you have kept yourself from living?? In my opinion certain realisations and ideas, even certain people come to us when we are emotionally ready. Think of your life so far as classroom - you have learned a lot and it all helps you now to understand yourself better.
Yay! Go you barista!! And yes, at least for me the feelz are getting less intense and I am stabilizing again, slowly but surely. You will feel "normal" again soon (for better or worse) once you have dealt with all the suppressed feelings. Your mom is a wise woman! :lol:
The feelings were so intense when I first opened up and let myself feel them, they were all consuming for a while. Now they seem much more normal than before, though there are still a lot of them. It almost is like I'm more whole. I can feel things I never let myself before. But it is definitely becoming a new normal and a whole lot less consuming.
Glad to hear that you're feeling more positive. I've not been through it, but it sounds similar to all the different emotions in the months after giving birth.
Soulstone, I really like this insight from your mom, and it really resonates with me at this point in my journey. I know exactly what you mean about hiding from negative emotions. I've his from so many of my emotions and instincts all of my life. I like to see these negative emotions as having a purpose in helping me understand myself and my needs. Also, thanks for giving me a different perspective in terms of what I said about keeping myself from living. It's important not to start going down the rabbit hole of regret, and I think this perspective can help me. I suppose the reason I say that I've kept myself from living is that life, with the greater openness I'm practicing now, seems to have so much greter potential to be full and real. ---------- Post added 11th Jul 2016 at 10:38 PM ---------- Thanks Happygirllucky! and this is helpful to know that life will start to go back to some sense of "normal" again. ---------- Post added 11th Jul 2016 at 10:41 PM ---------- This part of what you said gives me something really wonderful to look forward to: It almost is like I'm more whole. I can feel things I never let myself before. This makes me feel like every challenge in the journey is worth the fight and the effort to get to the place where I really truly am being myself. ---------- Post added 11th Jul 2016 at 10:47 PM ---------- Thanks NotMyName! I find this insight really interesting because I have often privately compared certain parts of this journey to how I felt in becoming s mother. There are some similarities in terms of the overwhelming changes and emotions, total change of perspective on the world, and some of the feelings of isolation and feeling like I'm just fumbling along trying to figure things out blindly. But on the other hand, this journey in coming out, and this part of it, is so unlike anything I've ever experienced before. It's like me, the real me, is finally waking up, finally actually truly seeing the world and feeling so many things for the first time.
